On staunchly being yourself.

[Ariannah]

I posted the following in response to the woman who wanted advice about meeting with her friend at a restaurant. However, the words I wrote are so valuable, I think, and meaningful at least to me, that I wanted to put the following in its own thread rather than see it get lost in the long thread to which I originally posted.

This is the post:

One of my waking up experiences this year is that I cannot let myself be manipulated by what other people, no matter how well intentioned, or what type of relationship we may have. I am me. And when I eat, I eat what I choose and it's my own personal responsibility.

I suppose I am a tad touchy on this because if I let other people's opinions influence me all the time, I'd be a mushy pile of goo who never would be able to get her hands on a bite of raw food EVER!

Last year, shortly after I got married, I did just that, I allowed myself to eat cooked food, "just so I wouldn't stand out" or "just in social events to please other people", and it spilled over into EVERYthing. I found myself making cooked food on purpose at home when I had the self-named "freedom" to eat what I wanted without interference from others. Then, the quality of the cooked food got worse and worse to the point where I was eating almost *anything* and not checking ingredients.
I fell into a mild sort of depression, because I missed myself.

This was because I had the false mindset that what other people thought about me and my life somehow mattered more than my own personal deep rooted convictions based on experience, research, prayer, and the fact that I felt like a million bucks on raw and mostly organic food!
I like people, and like to make them happy, but when it crosses the boundary of some place where no other people have jurisdiction (my own body and what I'll allow into it), that's where I have to draw the line.
We so desperately need to be pro-active about what we need.

YOUR FRIEND HAS NO JURISDICTION over this issue.

I'm a slippery slope type of gal. I HAVE TO BE "extremist" or it just won't work. I cannot have 'just a little' to satisfy a friend. If I were alcoholic, would I accept a bottle of wine from a friend who owned a vineyard? But but but... what if she named this particular grapevine section after me???
See where I am headed? People can think of all kinds of ways to mess with you, and it's up to you to say, "I appreciate your thought/concern, but I must remain solid in what I want and need."

My awakening experience came when a) I realized that changing like the wind depending on who I hang out with was plain old stupid. b) I don't notice other people bending over backwards to accomodate who THEY are based on my passing observations, so why should I do that??

Sorry for the long winded monologue, but I am very passionate about this issue. It's my own lack of a backbone that was the slippery slope to my fall off of raw, and growing one has put me back on.

[Sharon in Colorado]

This happens to me now and then. I will stand firm and do what I want to do most of the time and then once in a while I allow the influence of others to let myself slip beyond my own standards just so I'm being "flexible".

Example: We get invited to a Korean restaurant by the TKD master's family. There's really nothing I can eat, no salads, and they won't give me anything raw, but they have stacks of greens in which they wrap the meat and fillings in. I didn't know this before "giving in" to getting a vegetarian sushi.

My DH didn't think the few things I had were unhealthy and really I must admit I made some great choices. But what bothered me the most is giving in to the repeated "you don't even eat rice?" from the master's wife. After a while I was just mumbling "I really shouldn't" then I eventually have a little.

The thing that bothered me more than even eating a little rice and a few steamed veggies was the fact that I let myself get talked into something I didn't want to do.

I think that even people who are being kind can have a way of being manipulating. And it is up to the person on the other end of it to stand firm and not waiver.

[konmai]

Great topic!

This has been a major concern of mine, b/c my friends love going out. I wish they didn't love going out to eat so much. Eatting has become such a social activity in our society! There have been times that I have to seriously think/reflect, when a friend offers anything which I don't eat anymore. They all have good intentions(w/ what they do know & are informed of), & so I try to be as nice as I can when declining. W/ strangers or casual acquaitances, it's not really hard for me to decline & say I just don't eat what's being offered. Most of the time though, I just end up not eatting. oiye!!! :o

[D'vorah]

I fell into a mild sort of depression, because I missed myself.

Here, here to all that you said, but this one line stood out to me above all others.

Unfortunately, some of us don't have that deep connection to ourselves in the first place, and it is a foreign thing to just sit in our own presence with awe and appreciation of what was wrought when we were created.

Deborah

[rawpriestess]

this is a great post.

Three times in the last few weeks, I came upon this issue.

we have a yearly fouth of July party, and I wasn't eating, and several people asked me about it, we hosted a ritual ceremony pot luck at our home for a pagan event, and I didn't eat anything, and third we went out to dinner with friends, and I had tea (warm)

Now, I could have eaten my raw food at any one of these, I could have had a salad at the restaurant, I could have eaten the cooked food, or some of it, I had a lot of choices, bring my own food, eat something different, whatever.

but I chose to NOT eat anything at all, because It is easier for me to say, I'm fasting, and NOT eat even a taste of anything, than it is for me to eat a little of something, or my own food then answer a ton of questions about it, have everyone try it, etc, so I just abstained.

I felt wonderful, I felt empowered, and everyone thought I had such spiritual presence --- which I did---, I don't fast for long, just for several hours, not even 24 hours, on purpose, if I had felt like eating, I certainly would have, but I always find it easier to just sit back and watch people, than to eat in a large gathering, this is taking me way back to when I was a child. LOL kids do know best.

So, that is how I handle those types of situation, oh, I've had the ice berg lettuce salad, with the white tomatoes, pretending to be tomatoes, and the bottled salad dressing and the canned olives, and all that, but it just isn't who I am anymore,

besides, my food that I prepare is so much better than anyone else's that I'd rather save my food to eat when I get home and can eat what I make, LOL

funny, I NEVER would have felt this way eating SAD. LOL

[Ariannah]

I didn't realize I *knew* myself very well, until I started missing the things that used to mean something to me and I had let them fall by the wayside.

After taking inventory of the things that really make me the best me (and therefore most useful to be an asset to others, which is part of my faith) I made a turn around and decided that in this life, I have to be who I was destined to be.

[RawChicky]

I won't let anybody talk me into eating anything I don't want. Like Raw priestess I feel empowered to be able to stick to the choices that I beleive are healthiest for me without letting myself be influenced by others