View Full Version : how do you guys do it? Cook sad and do raw?
07-14-2006, 06:59 PM
I am very discouraged at this point. I thought that my family was just as into going raw as I was. I have been met with murmuring, bickering, downright boycotting, etc........... and now even anger. There is so much contention in my home right now the tempers have been flaring. It is so hard for me to cook things I know are not going to benefit my family and still express love to them. My mind is one that cannot divide. I always want to do the best for my family when I learn better. How can I be doubleminded like this? How can I get in the mindset to fix for them "wonderfully" tasting SAD meals and all the while knowing it is not the best for them, and then prepare raw for myself? I am the type of person that puts my heart into everthing I do, yet I cannot put my heart into their meals anymore, thus it shows, and I am getting a lot of complaining. You don't cook this anymore. You don't do that anymore. Why can't we this, why can't we that......................................
I am almost in tears, and I am very confused. :(
07-14-2006, 07:15 PM
Just because it's not the *best* for them doesn't mean it can't still be good for them. Recognize that and see if your family members can take over some of the cooking duties from you.
07-14-2006, 07:44 PM
I went raw with the June challenge and I am still cooking for my SAD husband - he will not go raw, never ever. It's just not the right thing for him, he believes. And I continue cooking for him - it makes it tough, yes. But I love him, I want to make him happy and just because I chose a certain lifestyle for me doesn't necessarily mean he has to follow the same rules.
To make things worse, I work in a restaurant. Usually as a supervisor, but at the moment I am responsible for the new menu (which is great btw as I introduced vegan and vegetarian dishes...) and the training of the chefs regarding the new dishes. That's tough people.
As I have to taste the dishes I know that these days I am not 100% raw but I have the feeling this cooking of normal dishes, the tasting, the being strong not to want more and the being surrounded by SAD food makes me stronger. It's using a lot of my energy and I also need a lot of energy to stay focused and not feel disappointed in myself for "failing".
But: I love my husband and whatever makes him happy, I will try my best. I love my job and it was difficult enough to find one here for me, took me a year. I love cooking and I am good at it, it just so happens that I don't want to eat cooked food anymore ;)
You said "I thought that my family was just as into going raw as I was" - why should they? Don't expect others to follow the same lifestyle as you did just because you decided it's the best. It might be the best for you but maybe not the right for other. To each their own. Don't get me wrong, but you should also tolerate their choices as their tolerate your choice. Otherwise you just make it really hard on all of you.
07-14-2006, 08:34 PM
There are two things you can do, keep doing what you are doing, and you will keep getting what you are getting
or do something else.
If these are your kids, and you truly believe that this is the healthiest way to eat, I would buy the book raw family, and do what Victoria Boutenko did, toss out everything in the house to cook with and on, and all the food, packages etc, and make only raw food, YES, they will argue, but they will be healthy, and if they wish to eat cooked food outside of the home, fine, that is their choice.
OR, you can make them what they want, and eat what you KNOW is right for you, and and know that they will continually see your wonderful foods, and introduce alot of good stuff into their foods too.
like adding some zucchini noodles into their pasta, they'll never notice, I've done this, making creamy sauces with dairy AND nut milks, they 'll never notice,
adding more veggies to sauces, like marinara sauces, instead of meat sauces, I make enchiladas, that you can't tell aren't cooked, I make cakes with nuts and fruits, and nut milk shakes, and smoothies, and great salads, there are many ways to incorporate really good raw foods into the lifestyle of the SAD food eater, you just start doing it.
and then if they want an occasional pizza, fine, add tons of veggies to it, with a marinara pizza sauce, go on ahead and use the crust and cheese if they want it, but at least the sauce and veggies will be good for them
I've done this with teenagers especially, and it is surprising how much they enjoy the foods,
also have plenty of fresh fruit juice ready every day, make them smoothies, the one thing I've learned about kids, is they don't want to make it themselves, if you'll make it, they will usually eat it.
07-14-2006, 08:55 PM
I live on my own and don't have a family bickering at me but I wish you lots of luck and lots of hugs!
07-14-2006, 09:05 PM
If these are your kids, and you truly believe that this is the healthiest way to eat, I would buy the book raw family, and do what Victoria Boutenko did, toss out everything in the house to cook with and on, and all the food, packages etc, and make only raw food
I'd love to do this - but my marriage would suffer if I did.
I eat my raw diet and do as little cooking for the family as possible. I no longer make anything that has chicken in it because I can't resist the smell of it. I make them big green smoothies before dinner, hoping it will fill them up so they eat less of the other stuff, and they do a lot themselves.
07-14-2006, 09:20 PM
Honestly, I have done most of this. They do love the smoothies. They will at least eat the zucchini spaghetti. They will drink the green smoothies. It is just that they still want the casseroles and the vegi-loafs I used to make and the pastries. They are vegetarian, so there is not the problem of meat, except for their father who will actually bring meat in their face. Interestingly, enough, BEFORE I went raw, none of us ate meat, now my son has slipped back into meat a couple of times, and my daughter has asked me permission to get a Wendy's spicy chicken (something that we gave up a long time ago!). I have teenagers by the way. I do have Victoria's book, and I did pretty much empty my house of the SAD items, but my kids are old enough to buy their own stuff, which at times they have done, not to mention good ole dad!!! All they have to do is cry to him how I am not feeding them well and there is NO food in the house, and he goes right up to Burger King and get a vegi-burger for them with all of the white bread and stuff that we did not even eat BEFORE I went raw!
07-14-2006, 09:22 PM
I do understand where you are -- been there for a while myself.
Great advice given so far. My only additional advice to give, which was given to me, is "Bless their food with love." And I know it is tough. I too, am finding it hard to even give stuff which I know to be damaging (in the long run), but I do, cause that is life right now.
Pray for peace and patience.
07-14-2006, 09:31 PM
This is always a difficult thing and many of us have to deal with this to some degree. Personally, I only have to cook for my SAD husband and it is challenging to see all that tempting stuff but I decided a while back to just let it make me stronger. I have an iron will now and there is no way I can fail unless the world runs out of raw produce :eek: , lol. I also believe that regardless of what food you eat or cook, if the person who prepares it doesn't pour some good energy into it and if the person who eats it doesn't believe it is good for them, it won't be. Now that is a double edged sword because we all know that this food is what is killing people and none of us want our loved ones to get sub-par nutrition, but people have to want to change and you can't force it on anyone, just like no one can force cooked on you. In the meantime, I think you should just do your best to get them to eat some raw stuff and when you have to cook for them, just do your best to infuse positive energy and love into the food and believe that it will give their bodies what they need and hope that their bodies can filter out the bad stuff, by some miracle. Mind over matter really can make a difference. Just like people believing in the effects of a placebo. Hope this helps a bit.
07-14-2006, 09:32 PM
My hubby and 12yr old son won't do raw with me. Hubby did want to try my cabbage rolls tonight (carrot, zuccini, pepper, green onion rolled in cabbage) and I did get him to admit they were good! He'll never give up his SAD though, as long as he'll try some stuff I'm happy and if he likes it he'll eat it again.
At least now there are tons of fruit and veggies in the house, before we hardly had any...so now my son will grab some fruit before he grabs the chips!
I'm a horrible cook, so that was hubby's department anyway!!
07-14-2006, 10:01 PM
I live on my own and don't have a family bickering at me but I wish you lots of luck and lots of hugs!
Sharon in Colorado
07-14-2006, 10:22 PM
I agree with Mel - it must make me stronger being around and constantly preparing cooked because most of the time now it does not phase me. Don't give up - it should get easier with time and patience.
With my family there is some compromise and other times it's me to my own and them to their own.
Ahead are some meal ideas - hope it doesn't offend anyone:
On most every morning we have the same breakfsat - carrot/apple juice (DH makes) and green smoothies (I make). Sometimes the children will have some health food type cereal later on and DH once in a while may cook an egg. On the weekends the kids often want a "special" breakfast, like waffles or pancakes so I give in and make that. The more I do that, though, it seems, the more reluctant I get!
For lunch the kids and DH have gotten in the habit of making their own, and so I make my own.
Dinner, I usually make something for them that is fairly easy. Tonight I got a take and bake pizza and I was angry because someone was supposed to turn the oven on before I got home but they forgot. Pizza is a huge trigger for me. I'm a vegetarian and my kids eat olive pizza and Papa Murphy's is probably the best I've ever had. Anyways I was kind of irritated because I wanted to make myself my OWN meal and let them make their pizza. I did get someone to help out with that, so I could make my raw feast and it turned out great.
Usually though I do a lot of easy meals - frozen lasagna, bean burritos. If I make them some kind of meat, it has to be frozen so I can just toss it in a pan. I need minimal meat handling! Or I'll make a double portion of some natural mac & cheese and serve with a huge salad. Or "cowboy" beans (Bush's baked beans vegetarian style), corn bread and a big green salad. If I'm especially lazy and not in the mood to cook, I'll pick up a rotesseried carcass at the store with some fixings so I don't have to bother. Or I'll set up the rice cooker to be ready after TKD and then I'll make a big salad and side veggie. I do try to make meatless dishes as much as possible.
Sometimes I'll just cut up a ton of fruit and let them have at it. Or cut up carrots and jicama sticks, and put those mini sweet bell peppers on a huge plate along with a salad and they'll have that. So there are times when they do eat a raw dinner and it's great.
I really try to stay away from preparing the SAD traditional fare, such as a piece of meat, starch and cooked vegetable because that is not what I want them to think is normal. Even though DH and I were brought up that way, I really don't want to push that bad tradition on to my kids.
07-14-2006, 11:00 PM
See in my house I am the cook, so when I stop cooking...then they have to eat something else! I do have temptations like veggie chicken nuggets and veggie corn dogs, those are my weaknesses that I tend to break and eat them, which is bad and then I feel guilty! My mom is on the Rice Diet and my sister is going Raw with me, so we all eat different things. And my dad is working out of the state, so we don't have to worry about feeding him lol
07-14-2006, 11:36 PM
It is hard to make a change when you are not in controll. These are not children they are almost adults, who you have taught to think for themselves. You can teach by example and let it go because you are going to be a RAW WRECK.
Sure it was a family decission but you lost them somewhere along the way. Believe that they will return one day. Make them Vegeterian Food and let that be your limit. I see no need for you to kill a cow. Invite everyone to help with meals.
Train a child and when he is old he will not depart.............
07-14-2006, 11:37 PM
My poor kids are living on the easy food they can cook themselves or that they can make. I will occasionally take pity on them and make some eggs for them or make their sandwiches but my 11 year old is definitely getting better at fending for himself AND making food for his younger siblings. I always offer fruit first and I've noticed they are eating a ton more raw just because it's available. They are really digging the watermelon and strawberries that I always have in the house now and eating lots of banana's. The other night my middle child didn't want anything but fruit in the evening. I've also switch from making set meals during the day to eating on demand. I eat on demand and so do they now. I haven't cooked a real meal since I went raw. Even so it is hard for me to deal with having the bread and a few other things in the house because they are some of my worst craving foods. Lucky for me my husband is 100% raw with me so I only have my kids to deal with. I hope you can figure out a plan that works for you!
07-15-2006, 03:54 PM
I feel for you.
It is so hard to be the only raw one in a family. Unless you have been there you cannot understand what it is like.
I disagree with the idea that you should force them to eat this way. It will only cause more strife in your home. That is not what we want. If they eat a raw food diet with bitterness in their hearts it will do no good for their bodies. Know what I mean?
I also wouldn't do something that major that could pull you family apart. If I pulled the rug out from under my family it would be a disaster and they would hate raw foods even more.
I have tried instead to just incorporate more raw foods into their daily diets.
The main problem I have had since trying to be raw is that I no longer want to cook for them. I lose that desire unless I am eating cooked foods too.
I know that I cannot stop cooking for them just because I want to eat raw. That isn't very kind to do.
Just think what it would have been like if the tables were turned or if we were in their shoes. If my husband up and decided that he was going raw and we all should too I would have instantly said no way and gotten my back up. I am just that way. If you tell me I NEED to do something I won't do it.
My husband isn't raw either and doesn't intend to be. I have found that our relationship and our whole household is better when I am high raw rather than all raw all the time. I will have all raw days when I feel I need to clean out a little bit better. When I will sit down and occasionally eat a "healthy" cooked food with them it makes everyone feel united. Does that make sense at all?
I wish you the best of luck on your journey. One thing I keep reminding myself of is the fact that my children will be grown and gone in a blink of an eye. Then, if I want to be all raw all the time it will be much easier.
07-15-2006, 04:17 PM
I do not think there is one diet that will work for everyone. Even here on this forum, we see differences. Such as people who mainly drink smoothies or eat fruit and then people like me who wouldn't touch a smoothie and rarely eats fruit!
I pretty much figure that my husband is a lost cause. He's going to eat what he wants when he wants to. He won't change the way he eats unless/until he gets in trouble at work. He's in the military. If he gains weight or has a medical problem, then he has to do something. He's also a big meat eater. I buy and cook meat for him. But there are certain things I simply will not cook because it skeeves me out to do so. He knows this. If he wants this stuff he can get it in a restaurant.
My daughter is tougher to deal with. She's not quite 8. I know she needs to eat fruits and vegetables. She doesn't like to. Especially the vegetables. And she has food allergies. So I have to be creative as to what I feed her, given her limitations. She does eat some raw food. But there is no way she would eat totally raw food. I am not even try to force the issue.
Currently she is eating bread made of rice, dried fruit and seeds it's sweetened with fruit juice. She has discovered pumpkin seed butter. Yes, raw! She actually likes the stuff. Asked for a pumpkin seed butter and jelly sandwich. I am sure there is probably some way to come up with a raw jelly/jam. I haven't tried that yet. If she could eat bananas, I'd put those on there. But she has a severe banana allergy. So instead of my getting upset that she is eating cooked bread and jelly, I am happy that she is eating the pumpkin butter that is good for her.
If she eats two bites of green salad, I am happy. That's better than eating no green salad. If she asks to try a tomato, I am happy. She hates tomatoes and normally won't touch them. But occasionally she decides to try something again because she knows her tastes will change.
What I've found in general is that you can't force people to do what you want. They might do it for a while, but there will be such resentment that it will come back to haunt you in some kind of way. Even with children. Of course sometimes with children you have to lay down the law for whatever reason and they have to do what you say or else! We even have food rules but she understands why. If she has something sweet, then she can't have any more sweets that day. She has to have at least one vegetable per meal. Now granted I generally find some kind of way to sneak veggies into her food. She doesn't know this. She willingly eats the zucchini bread I make without realizing that not only does it contain a veggie, but also the coconut oil she claims to hate! Same for the popcorn she was snacking on that was popped in coconut oil.
Kids tend to want to eat what their friends are eating. Mine is no different. But she knows why she can't eat some of those things. With her food allergies, some of those things will make her sick. This is actually to my advantage. It extends beyond the rules I used to have where I wouldn't allow her to eat things with high fructose corn syrup or trans-fats in them. All in all, I think she eats better than most kids. She is tall and strong and loves to dance. She recently took a dance camp where she danced hard for 4 hours a day. She was one of the youngest ones there. Most were around 10. She was able to keep up and was eating the healthy lunches I packed for her. But there again, my definition of healthy might be considered rather loose by some.
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