Mixing the ED with health?

[dreamrawalwz]

As you know I posted about fasting, but I'm really getting conflicting messages in my head. I've really been relapsing with the ED and everything else recently and I really want to fast. I just can't descern the ED 'voice' and the urge to get my body as healthy as i can through a fast. I know I need it, but I can't seem to convince myself it's NOT the ED though (yet it is at the same time?). I'm sorry this is so confusing. It's confusing to me as well and i can never articulate well enough.

Arg, I say I 'need' to fast, and I do for health reasons to accomplish that cleanse my body desperately needs to get over these things, but I think the ED is using it as an excuse also. I think maybe if I DO fast and go through that emotional detox that I'll move past the ED and can start fresh.

I guess I'm not really asking a question. I'm just usuing you guys as a sounding board. I know many have gone through eating disorders of various kinds and may understand what I'm trying to express and explain. Any suggestions, encouragement, ect.? I'd really appreciate it.

[Larue]

Eating Disorders aren't about the food, but what is going on in your head. We use food to deal with our emotions and feelings. The practical part of you wants to fast, because you think it will be make your body healthy, but something is going on in your life that you are still using food to fix. If you can get a handle on what is really bugging you in your life, (ie, job, relationship, self-esteem) you can try to deal with it without turning to food.

I know you've been saying you're clinically depressed. As a fellow sufferer, that is a mine field. You must be good to yourself during this time and allow your feelings to come up to the surface and not try to manipulate them away with food or 'positive thinking.' Now that you are a raw foodist, you have taken away the 'drug' (SAD) you've used to medicate your true emotions and feelings. Your emotions are on the surface and it's scary.

This is where I am and I am just so surprised. I didn't realize the emotional effects of going raw and clinical depression. It's a doozy!! Although I have been taking good care of myself after being diagnosed a year ago, this (going raw and it's effects) is a new phase in that care. I think fasting for you at this time is scary, because that's one more level of denying 'SAD' as comfort for your emotions.

I hope I'm not getting too personal for you, but this is what has come up for me. ED and depression....Yikes!!

[Coriander74]

Been there too!!! It's kicking me in the head sometimes, especially when I go a whole day with only juice or light meals... brings up the whole "I need to do this" thing.
It's hard with depression, it's hard with the ED, but with the support you can find here and the constant encouragement I've seen, you can beat your mind and become healthy :) We're there with ya girl.

[dreamrawalwz]

Larue - thank you for you generous comment. I was using food to numb my emotions (with either starving or binge & purge), but I don't think it was certain foods (like chocolate or milk or anything since I didn't eat those. I just had lean chicken/fish, steamed veggies and brown rice). It's just food in general. I think a fast would be good for emotional reasons, but knowing the way I cope with my emotions (besides food) is a really scary thing, especially if I promised the therapist my goal is to not do this coping mechanism this week. I'm scared to death to feel. Being numb hurts, but feeling hurts more. No not too personal. I've been raw for just over 4 months now, so I don't know if it's really about denying myself SAD, just food in general.

Coriander74 - It is a little scary isn't it? Doing things for you health and listening to what your body finally wants, but your "healthy" mind either stops you since it thinks it's reverting back to the ED, or your ED mind takes over and gets carried away. You're right. There are many caring and understanding individuals on this board and I am very greatful to have met them, even if it is only online.

[Lunar*Fey]

I know exactly what each of you are talking about. I, too, have had anorexia and depression.
Tracey, if you can maybe read up about meditation. Meditate on your thoughts. Being able to meditate is really hard, but with practice I think you can do it. I did it a couple times but have stopped trying, I really want to start again as it is really powerful and wonderful. Maybe that can help give you the answer and clear your head/emotions. It would be a great thing to practice during your fast too. very calming, and allowing you to see deep inside of yourself. just a thought.
You can do this Tracey, kick that ED in the arse (hehe) for good!!!!

[jaurequi]

I believe this is a bad time to fast.

Concentrate on working on your emotional issues, confusion, conflicts, etc.

As far as eating, just concentrate fully on eating raw right now; don't do a fast.

Best,

[dreamrawalwz]

I believe this is a bad time to fast.

Concentrate on working on your emotional issues, confusion, conflicts, etc.

As far as eating, just concentrate fully on eating raw right now; don't do a fast.

Best,

I've been raw for 4 months so it seems like I need a change though.

[chilove]

Hi there,

I believe fasting is contraindicated (not recommended) for people with eating disorders. I think it is just playing with fire. Eating a very simple raw diet is more than cleansing enough. If you really feel the need for a more cleansing diet, just do mono fruits for awhile. I would be very cautious about listening to any "voices" that even seem to be remotely suggesting severe restriction of food or not eating.

Best to you,

Audrey
www.rawhealing.com

[Lay-Lay]

I am no expert, but I wouldn't think a fast with a unresolved ED would be a great idea. I would try to add wheatgrass to your raw diet. It is very cleansing. I think you are doing great things with your raw diet. Keep up the great work.

[dreamrawalwz]

I am no expert, but I wouldn't think a fast with a unresolved ED would be a great idea. I would try to add wheatgrass to your raw diet. It is very cleansing. I think you are doing great things with your raw diet. Keep up the great work.

If I'm allergic to all garins, especially wheat (get suicidial in 5 minues after consuming it) how would I do with wheatgrass? It worries me so I havn't tried it yet.

[honeybee joy]

I was thinking about fasting, because this week I really binged on some awful stuff, and thought that, well I need to fast to get this toxic stuff out, but a part of me thought, "The problem will be their when the fast is over and the whole binge on garb food will happen again". I am trying to feel the feelings, and then be positive about it, instead of sinking into a depression over it. I am trying to not have anxiety if I don't have the answer. I am thinking about going to a OA meeting or something. It is really weird, but I thought that I could just go raw, get healthy and feel better, and then deal with the emotional stuff after. Boy, was I wrong. I am deciding to wait on my fast, until I find peace inside. Then I know I will be doing it for the right reasons and that it is not just some way to block the feelings out and punish myself for the binge. This feeling to feelings thing is tough. I wish I could just skip over that part :( , but that is not how it works.

I wish you luck on your decision.

[Larue]

We're not very good with the middle ground, are we? I mean we either either binge or starve. We punish ourselves in such severe ways, because we're not comfortable nor can we often find middle ground. There is nothing wrong with fasting, but at this point we do it as a punishment for not being good enough, ie, binging. For most people, you slide off the perfectionist scale and you just move on, for us, we turn on ourselves and make it worse.

Yes, for those of us with eating disorders, going raw is not as easy as it seems. It brings up so much 'stuff.' But, there are enough of us on here to understand. Honeybee Joy, you really do get it, "The problem will be their when the fast is over and the whole binge on garb food will happen again". So just take care of yourself today. Be kind to yourself when the demons come up and you want to punish yourself for being human! Be grateful that going raw is helping you to face your problems and do what you need to do to work through them. But above all, don't hate yourself.

Hey, it's the weekend, let's just take it easy!!!