My struggles put into words

[startootsie]

I need a hand
I need to speak
I feel my emotions pulling on my at every tweak
(Oh)
I've lied to myself
Sruck myself with pain
In trying to heal myself I have caused pain
(Oh)
I feel myself pulling
Always wanting
Can't think of something so I 'm always crying

I want to be taken to a place
With no judgment and no hate
What I should be
Who I am
I've lost touched with these things
My life feels so made up of pretend

All this controversy
All this knowlege unworthy
(Oh)
Watch what you teach
Cause as so it will repeat
(Oh)
I search for truth now
But get lost in fear (how)
Where do I go from here
Without guidence how do I steer?

Thank you for reading, if you did! I just had to let some things out, and I wanted them to be heard so I wrote it! I hope that's okay?

Also I want to apalogize if I have been posting to many threads! I am learning and searching for answers, so I hope you don't mind! If you do please let me know!

Thank you!

[Lunar*Fey]

I can really really relate to this. Is it a song?

[Coriander74]

First of all HUGE HUGS!!!

Searching for the "truth" when you are in such pain is one of the hardest things to do. Your pain and frustrations can twist what the real truth is. When you say "What I should be".. that struck a nerve with me too. It is so hard looking at society, and looking at people who are succeeding, and feeling that you too "SHOULD" be up there with them. We're all different, we all have our own success stories; even when life is full of stressors and drama and things that make us cry, we HAVE succeeded, we are still alive, we are here on this Earth for a reason.
You are a human being, full of spirit and love and potential and heart. Take your life as it comes, there will always be ups and downs, but remember that you are still YOU, wonderful you!!!!

[startootsie]

Thank you so much!

Yes, it is a song sort of, I just wrote it right there and had to get it out!

Thank you for reading!

[Lunar*Fey]

amazing :) I think thats the best way to write...without a realy plan you just let it flow ou of your fingers. That is why I have always hated how they make us make "plans" for our writing in school, we have to plan out every aspect, it really bothers me.

[startootsie]

Thank you!

I've tried planning, but it hardly ever works with writting! I've tried to come up with a really good name to a song and then write it but it hardly ever work out as well. If I just write when it comes and when I feel it, it always seems to turn out better and be better explained.

[Lunar*Fey]

exactly :) ;)

[startootsie]

Here is another song I just wrote!

I've tried dramatic
Resistance fanatic
Been so crouded in a world of bad and good
Ya
All my hopes and dreams have been shattered
Cause in my mind progress is a disaster
Ya
Always afraid of someone stealing what I master
That I can't go out and face the disaster

I can't go on like this
Livin' in my head with diseased disopline
Usin' my good for bad
Now I made up my mind
(Chorus)
I've just sat and watched other people
Live there dreams and fill there glass full
All the time trying to become a master
By doing so I've almost lost my whole
Now I've got to stand up to this pit bull

To many things have gone wrong for me to lay comfort
I've been anxious and gone crazed with what's it
Ya
In this time
I have created my own chaos that is tied
Cause I keep lying to myself
Ya
Now it's hit me
The truth without any traps or holes
The light without any shadows or walls
Time to take the next step
This is it yo

(sorry) if you don't like me
(sorry) if I've made a fool and forced you to bite me
(sorry) if I stand up now strong to fight thee
(cause) I've been hidin' to long to be happy
I've been cryin' alone
It's time to find me

[startootsie]

Gee
What's right for me
Gee
There is so many fads!
I get confused in this maze!

Weird! How do I find out what is right for me? Listen to myself!

[Lunar*Fey]

wow you are so good at writing powerful songs:)

[startootsie]

Thank you!

[startootsie]

Why do I feel this lonelyness
Every way I turn I feel emptiness
I feel trapped in a hollow house
I feel shut in
Someone let me out


Where are the keys to this lock of saddness
I feel drouwneded in maddness
I've found happiness
Seems to come and go
Only felt it for moments
In this time
I can awake to the light
Share this night
(with me)
And show me life
(Chorus)
How it feels
To touch the rain drops falling on my shoulder
All that feels when
Your so close but so let go
Let me feel
My breath on the window
I want to feel
All I touch and feel I've been involed
Feel love
As close up as it can be



__________________________________________________ ___________

Here me now
Stand with me now
And listen very carfully to my words I am speaking

I felt like a chained dog
Locked to your side
All our love was covered in fog
You had me broken up inside
You'd pull me close
Just to mess me up
Then let me go
Oh
You tell me you care for me
Then leave me all alone
When I need you the most
You are no where to be found
(Chorus)
Where are you now?
I've searched my thoughts up and down
But I can't remember
No I can't feel you
There was never enough you and me
I can't find you anymore

I just tremble
And try to shack the truth away
Hide the pain so I don't have to believe all that has appeared now
I wish you cared for me
And showed concern when you hurt me
But you still don't know me
Oh
Am I invisible to you only?
Do you remember
That you once stood with me?

There was never enough you and me
Will I ever find you anywhere?








Here is two songs, actually two parts of songs!

[Coriander74]

You have sooo much on your mind, and I think it's the beginning of a wonderful healing process for you to write these powerful verses. Thank you for sharing them with us, they're wonderful!

[startootsie]

Thank you!

Sometimes I live so much of the time inside of my head it scares me! I have to open up and take a look at reality. And even sometimes I will make up stories in my head to intertaine myself! I used to do it when I was younger and doing my chores!

[startootsie]

You told me
Things would be safe
No need to pretend to act brave
I can handle it myself
All your worries can fly away
(Oh)
But you was just givin' me shades of truth
You got no proof
I've been there-I've done it
I know it's hard to improve
(Oh)
You hurting
But not looking
(Oh)
I'm warning you
To start listening
(Chorus)
But your lies (your lies)
Come in fases
They just break me and leave you tied
No more
You can't denie
So many shades of truth
But really there all just lies

You can say what you wanna
Teach me-like your gonna
Try to make me believe
But, it don't mean I will recieve
It's obvious your faking
Cause your words are explaining your shacking
I can tell by your voice
Your in it-with choice

Do you know
(Oh do you know)Your words
They don't
Convince me
Cause I can see
Your just like me
Look deeper into this mistery

[startootsie]

I get so caught up
In what I'm dealing with
In my life
In all my feelingness

Give me this happiness you speak of
This joy I have felt but can't remember enough

I get so lost in my head
I feel like a body being directed
But I can't feel me
I need to feel
Feel my inside
Feel my being
I want to wake to feel
To feel
Real
(Chorus)
Pull me inside out
Tell me if you can find me in this fog
I try to look
But I've lost myself inbetween
I need to find my inside
My me
Cause all I can be
Is lost or I can find me

Reconnect me
With all the moments I'm missing
Show me the world that's not so scary
But I need this
Ya
I need to refeed this
This yearning
This something I feel is missing

Where do I go when I feel I can go no more
I need guidence
To find this
My whole
To remember
Me
But the only one who can find me is me

[startootsie]

At first my reflection was reversed
Peaple showed concern
But I could not see there yern
For me to stop destorying my life
But still I go back
When I'm in tears I fall back
I want to be apart of something new
But my fear has dicomforted me
Oh
When will I feel
The way I used to
No worries
(Chorus)
You can tell me I have a weakness
But I have flown through the depths of this weakness
So it has made me stronger
Not failure
But victory in these eyes
Something to live for
Something I have completed
I have overcome

I tried to make you happy
But my effort has emptied me
How do I replenish thee
Do you hear my plea?
Oh
I have so many dreams that could be wasted away
If I let this take over me
Oh
I feel my surroundings getting bored with me
I am not as one
But apart


To admit
Is to commite to a lifetime
Of truth
To complete to heal
I have to refuse indenial
To speak without fear of fire

All my life feels the same
My words
They rarely change
Longing for difference
But afraid of going the distance
__________________________________

I don't know if anyone is reading, but I just keep writting cause it really helps me!