My husband thinks I have gone off the deep end

[denisedeland]

Anyone else have a problem with a spouse that thinks you are crazy for doing this? My husbands thinks I have turned into some whacko now. When I tried telling about how it would help my body detox and other things he asked me if I had joined a cult and if I keep talking like that he said he might have to have me commited. I don't think it's funny. To me this is no different than someone who is on a low fat, low calorie, or low carb diet. I am just choosing to go raw. I'm not trying to push my choice on him at all. And he already yelled at me and told me I better not think of putting his kids on this. I'm not planning that either. I do want to offer them some raw and when I told him of this he just started screaming that I've lost my mind and done nothing but yelling all morning. Anyone else have this problem?

Denise

[24 Carrots]

Your husband is having such a strong reaction that I have to wonder just what it is that is upsetting him so much. Do you have any idea why he has such an over-the-top violent reaction to raw eating? Maybe if you understood WHY he feels this way you could gently show him that his fears are unfounded.

[Lunar*Fey]

Its horrible isn't it? This is similar to how my mom and step dad react to it. Also my therapist. I know how you feel and I know it is so terrible. We all have the right to make our own choices in life. Just because we have different beliefs and views it does not mean we should be yelled at and looked down upon for them. right? I'm sorry this is happening to you :(, it is so hard when people refuse to bend their views in even the slightest way.
have hope though, maybe once he sees how great you are doing he will change his mind? I'm sorry I am not of much help, just wanted you to know you are not alone...
try not to dwell on it though (I am not saying you are), by focusing our energy on what is wrong/what we don't want we empower it.
I hope everything gets better :)
and it is sad that it seems to him that giving your children fresh fruits and vegetables is so wrong...

[denisedeland]

I don't know why he is so against it. He thinks it is not natural for someone to eat raw food 24/7 and give up cooked food. And I really think the kids would gain so much from it. One of my twins is about 20 pounds heavier than the other. I worry about this. I would like to find a way to bring her weight down some. And I really think cutting out some of her junk food would help. She loves raw fruits and veggies.. I hope that with time I can make him see this is a change for the good.

Denise

[24 Carrots]

The only natural food is raw food, so funny that he would think eating it to be unnatural...!

Unless he is always a boorish cad and acts like this about a LOT of things, my guess is that you have hit upon something that really frightens him. I would try to gently coax him into talking to me about this. I would want to explore and try to understand his fears so that I can also gently let him know that there is nothing to fear.

Or it could be that he just wants you to be exactly like you were before and not to change. Period. That's how my ex was. He didn't get mad at me for raw diet but he mocked it all the time even when he saw with his own eyes how much healthier I got. Some people just don't want to change and they want things to stay the same as always.

[prettybrowngrl]

I dunno.......If it were me, I'd try dishing out her food and including more salad than rice ect. Then I'd gently encourage her to eat the salad before she touches the cooked food on her plate. maybe as time goes by you can decrease the amount of cooked and increase the amount of raw on her plate. Talk to her alot, explain as much as possible to her about all the benefits of eating more salads and fruits. Be as gentle as possible, so she doesnt feel forced. Also, if she's a teen or pre-teen (who usually like fashion and celebrities), you can always give her info about celebrities she may like, who are raw vegan and point out how nice and healthy they look. I dont think anything would be wrong for her to want to emulate celebs who are doing the right thing: eating right for themselves, the environment and animals. You could also lead by example. When she sees mom looking phenomenal and feeling great, she'll want to be like you. So in effect you'd be influencing her to do good. :)

[prettybrowngrl]

I dunno.......If it were me, I'd try dishing out her food and including more salad than rice ect. Then I'd gently encourage her to eat the salad before she touches the cooked food on her plate. maybe as time goes by you can decrease the amount of cooked and increase the amount of raw on her plate. Talk to her alot, explain as much as possible to her about all the benefits of eating more salads and fruits. Be as gentle as possible, so she doesnt feel forced. Also, if she's a teen or pre-teen (who usually like fashion and celebrities), you can always give her info about celebrities she may like, who are raw vegan and point out how nice and healthy they look. I dont think anything would be wrong for her to want to emulate celebs who are doing the right thing: eating right for themselves, the environment and animals. You could also lead by example. When she sees mom looking phenomenal and feeling great, she'll want to be like you. So in effect you'd be influencing her to do good. :)

[denisedeland]

That's some great ideas prettybrowngirl. Just that my husband won't go for it. My twins are only 6 years old. But to be 20 pounds heavier than the other really has me worried. She is already being picked on and I don't want her to go through life like that. She loves raw fruits and veggies. More than the other kids do really. She could could snack on baby carrots or cucumber slices all day. Her favorite fruit is strawberries.. Plain without sugar.

Denise

[greeninlosangeles]

Tell me about it. My husband has even more reasons to think I am becoming nuts, because now when my mind is much more clear, I know what I want, and that is to live on the land where I have my freedom to raise my food, gather wild greens, air dry my laundry, even be in the ssun naked sometimes, watch wild animals, homeschool my kid and do other stuff what needs space and nature!

[juliebove]

My husband does not want to hear anything about what I am eating. He is very much a meat eater. He prefers meat and junk food and little else. He hates organic anything. I'm not even sure he knows what the word means, but he doesn't like it. I once bought him some organic milk and ice cream he told me to quit buying it because it tasted funny. This was back when we didn't know that my daughter was allergic to dairy so she had some too. She said it tasted better than the stuff I used to buy.

[codajess]

I HATE that. My brother always acts all grossed out about mock meats, and he'll say things like "I'm going to put a real meatball in your fake ones, and you'll eat it and not even realize it." Which of course contradicts his idea that all mock meats are disgusting, apparently he thinks I wouldn't notice a real meatball because they're so similar. :rolleyes:



*This was when I was vegetarian.

[juliebove]

I used to buy Bocca burgers. Had a neighbor who refused to eat them. Thought they were disgusting. He also had a habit of coming over with his two kids begging me to feed them because his wife didn't come home. One night, I had just made some Bocca burgers. He was hungry and asked if he could have one. I didn't tell him what it was. Just gave it to him on a bun. He ate it then asked what kind of meat it was because it was so good. My husband was the same way. Was convinced they were some kind of meat. I didn't buy them very often because they are made of soy I back then I was trying to eat very little of it. Totally avoid it now, but I do remember how good those things tasted, especially loaded up with red onion, tomato and lettuce.

[denisedeland]

That is really funny codajess... Men... they are so strange sometimes..lol.. Is that a picture of your cat? I love your pictures... I am a cat lover..

Denise

[Up LEAP 100 Billion]

I also have this problem with my partner. Just BELIEVE in what your doing - that it is the right choice. Don't let anyone stop you. Like someone said above, this is YOUR life and you have the absolute right on how to live it. Don't let anyone get in the way stopping you to achieving your goal.

[swingbolder]

Maybe he will come around when he sees the benefits of eating this way in you: more energy, better skin, healing from illnesses, stronger immune system, etc. I've heard of that happening A LOT: One spouse goes raw, the other one is adamantly against it until they see for themselves how their partner is benefiting.

The part that sucks though is that until that happens he probably won't be supportive if and when you go through detox. So that's when you come back here and tell us all about it, okay? ;)

[denisedeland]

I am glad to see I'm not alone in this. I can't believe he thinks it's a cult... He just needs to wise up.. I won't let him stop me. I'm doing this for me.. and no one else. My ex got me started on this.. It has changed his life so much for the better. And he really thought it could help me as well.. So at least I do have a support buddy. I just wish my hubby would relax some about this and not think it's a cult. I haven't asked him to change. I wasn't going to. I did want to have my kids eat more raw, but he is having such a fit over it. I will drop the subject for now. Thanks for everyones help on this...

Denise

[blessed]

:p Now think what you could feed your children during the summer vaction, while your husband is at work it's free time to re-establish good eating habits with your kids.
It can be between you and them, don't argue with him, let the results speak for themselves.
Think up interesting way to cut the veggies and make little animals out of them, be creative and your kids will start expecting them at the table or on trips.
What a great opportunity you have been given to mold little minds and bodies, say very little and do what you can do to make your lives better.

Ann :)

[denisedeland]

Great idea Blessed.. I know I have stocked the fridge with raw and they have already been asking for different stuff. I made some cucumber dressing and let the kids take cucumber slices and baby carrot sticks and dip them.. It was a hit and they loved it. I'm going to make them a fruit smootie before bed.. Anyone I can sneak it in.. I will...

Denise

[blessed]

:p remember they may growl but they rarely BITE!
He's a procuct of what he was taught, we all are but men can be very stubben, thank God they have US.

Ann :D :D

[dreamrawalwz]

You said you got started with raw basically through/from your ex...does your husband know this? I'm sure if he does his anger could stem from the fact that you're doing something that's still connected to your ex? As for your daughter, if she loves fruits and veggies that's HER choice. If she wants a salad instead of fries...let her! Have you asked your husband WHY it's not natural to eat raw? See what he says. Have you tried to explain it to him (which i'm sure you have, but keep trying). Give him some raw foods (like the date coconut roll or another similar desert) and don't tell them that. Say "hey, i bought these at the store for you and the kids to try..." or something like that lol. Sometimes it's just the mindset and that they're afraid of changing or he knows you're on the right path and doesn't feel HE can change so he watns to degrade you. Not sure if I've helped at all, but I wish you the best of luck! Please don't get discouraged!

[NoGMO!]

an apple or banana or lettuce or broccoli on a raw foodist's plate is Raw Food...
but an apple or banana or lettuce or broccoli on a cooked food eaters plate is just an apple or banana or lettuce or broccoli, (um er a side dish). :p

seems like if it's not labeled everyone can be fine with it. good luck.

[eabbel]

if your husband is actually "yelling" and "screaming" about this, there are bigger problems afoot than raw v. cooked. lots of good insight and advice has been posted to this thread already, but I just wanted to add that yelling and screaming is disrespectful to you, indicates that he is out of control, and creates a stressful and negative environment for your young children. the heavier daughter may even be internalizing this stress by overeating, and it is as important to make sure she's not eating emotionally as it is to make sure she eats the right foods. I would urge you to focus your efforts on getting your husband to engage with you calmly, rationally, and respectfully as a general rule. if he is not able to do that, it almost doesn't matter what he's arguing, because he is not rational. don't train your daughters (by your example) to accept yelling and screaming and mockery about issues that are important to them from the men in their lives.

take care,
e

[jjonak]

It sounds like your husband might be upset about the idea coming from your ex, more than the diet itself. Let's face it: it is a pretty radical change from SAD, so maybe he's threatened by thinking that some other man has this much "influence" over you in switching to raw. I'm not saying that's why you are doing it. I'm just saying that may be why he is reacting so strongly. I would try to explain to him that you're as influenced by the women on this board (I'd emphasize women, no sense in adding to any jealousy that may be going on) as anything anyone else is doing and you just want to try to make yourself healthier.

I'm very lucky in that my husband is supportive. Now his parents think I'm nuts, but even they have started coming around! I went vegan about 20 years ago, and this reaction is nothing compared to the lectures and all I got then... Or maybe that just prepared everyone around to me to expect this type of thing.

I do wish my husband ate more raw. I joke that if we were shipwrecked on a tropical island, he'd starve because if it doesn't come wrapped in paper, tin or plastic, he cannot recognize it as a food source. But reading some of the reactions others have experienced, I realize I'm very lucky that he doesn't try to change me or hold it against me at all, or take it personally.

[lissomllama]

No, my husband has always been understanding and supportive although, he won't do it himself and does sometimes tire of my raw 'preaching' he is patient and does get it but it sounds like your husband doesn't just think you're weird, he is acting hostile because he feels like his food choices are no longer good for him because he sees you challenging that and making sacrifices for health. Deep down, every human knows what they were meant to eat but they don't want to because they've all been conditioned to eat badly but it tastes good. So when these people hear about the diet we were meant to eat, they don't want to have to even think about sacrificing their tried and true yummy things so they get defensive and angry and start falling back on the protein and calcium needs myths and say that it is radical and unusual and abnormal when in fact, it is their own diet that is radical and abnormal. Foods being processed with chemical additives in factories is radical and pills and drugs are abnormal. Eating raw and living foods from the trees and plants that give life and air is natural and normal and we are built that way. We are not carnivores or omnivores. Our teeth and nails and digestive tracts show that we are frugivores. Your husband needs to be educated on this and needs to learn to be supportive and he needs to know that you aren't saying that he is a bad person for eating the way he does, you just want perfect health and this is your own choice and your body and he has no right to say that you can't eat raw, just as you have no right to say that he can't eat the way he chooses, although it would help alot of things. We all need our freedom. In time he will see your beaming health and see how much fun you're having with eating and enjoying your life and he will see the error of his ways and be sorry for ever yelling at you or doubting you or saying rude things to you about being crazy. Let him know how much this hurts your feelings and he has no right to speak to you that way. Stick with it and stand your ground and if the children want to eat some raw food, that is their own choice, not his or yours.

[rawpriestess]

WOW, he certainly seems to be over reacting to this situation, but there are always two sides to everything.

[Conscious Midwife]

I thought you were the one that the ex hubby gave a shout out to on here. My thoughts are that your hubby is more concerned about your raw community including your ex than wether or not raw is really a healthier alternative. My guess is that some of your children aren't biologically his, since he took the time to say don't feed "my" children...

If not then the collective term "our" is so much more loving and endearing, get to the bottem of his rage or put him on ignore while you get healthy!

[denisedeland]

No I never told him my ex is the one who turned me on to raw. He doesn't even know he is on here. That would cause problems and I wasn't going there.. He just seems to have a problem with raw. He thinks it is some type of cult. I'm just going to go on and do what I have and not talk with him about it anymore. This is my choice not his. I also think it may have to do with the fact that he can't control what I am eating. He likes everything in order. He has to be in control. So I am starting to think this is a control issue. I think he maybe threatened by the fact that I am thinking and doing things for myself.

Denise

[MendhiGrl]

I also think it may have to do with the fact that he can't control what I am eating. He likes everything in order. He has to be in control. So I am starting to think this is a control issue. I think he maybe threatened by the fact that I am thinking and doing things for myself.


I think you've hit the nail on the head. Be careful - I think you're going to continue to think for yourself and he's going to lose more and more control over you, and that's going to be very threatening for him.

[RawNut]

Some people, dare I say, "especially men" show concern in strange ways. With your previous eating disorder and recent cancer, he might be afraid that you're doing yourself more harm than good. That's no reason to react the way he did but.. just a thought. You were a vegetarian when I met you and do you remember how insistant I was that you eat meat? I thought everyone *needed* animal protein. Just don't give in to him like you did to me then. I knew absolutely nothing then. Now that we have the Internet, there's all sorts of info and people like the ones here who can be your support system.

Living in a city, there are probably some raw potlucks. You could meet other raw foodists there. I think I've seen a thread about them here somewhere.

Craig

[denisedeland]

I know he worries. That's why he called the doctor as soon as I told him. I'm not really sure what freaks him out about it. I tried talking with him and won't talk to me about it. He ran off to his moms all weekend to avoid talking with me. Yes I remember how worried you got over me not eating meat. And I know you did it because you were worried about my health. And I did give in to please you.. I will stick to my guns this time. I know what I am doing is right for me...

Denise

[JEN]

I hope your hubby comes around soon. I totally understand about the cult part as my oldest daughter thinks I have joined one also. I attended Alissa's class in June and it totally changed my life and in sharing that with my daughter she asked if I had joined a cult. Now she sees me reading about abundance and metaphysics and thinks Ive lost my mind. She says Im brainwashed. In my heart I know that raw is right and I intend to feed my 3 yr old all the raw I can get her to eat. My fiancee doesnt mind that Ive gone raw but he questions me about getting enough nutrition with no meat and thinks that detox symptoms are results of that. Im doing what is right for me no matter what anyone else says! They can eat all the junk they want and keep on complaining about their aches and pains while I become healthy. Its funny they pick on my rawness yet they always want to taste my yummy dessets.

best of luck
jen

[denisedeland]

Your fiancee doesn't mind you going raw? That's great. I hope with time he will see how much better I feel and will come around. One of the reasons I had tried talking to him about giving it a try is he wants to lose weight. But I don't think he is really that serious about it. He tells me this after he eats 3 or 4 cupcakes.. He complains about his weight all the time and when I try to help he bites my head off. So I stopped trying to help him. Then his mom will lecture me on the fact that I need to make healthier meals for her son to help get his weight down. Then she will pop off with Oh I forgot you don't want his high blood pressure to get under control. You want him to have a stroke so you can get his insurance money. Then pretends it is all a joke and laughs. I know she wasn't kidding.

Denise

Denise

[greenfeline]

Your situation is quite a shame. When you say you think it might be a control issu I think you are exactly right. Begin thinking back... are there other areas where he tries to tell you what to do? Who to hang out with? Where to work?What to wear? I know because I have been through a controlling relationship and also studied it academically. If someone wants control in one area of your life they probably try to exert control in others. Just something to think about...

[JEN]

The things we must tolerate sometimes.......Im sorry his mom has such a hurtful sense of humor. My daughter constantly talks about how she wants to lose weight but then snacks on cookies and icecream......and she thinks Im crazy for eating raw. She loves the way my raw desserts taste but still chooses junk food. My fiance is supportive but I still catch him rolling his eyes at me sometime........from now one when he complains of his arthrits, weight gain and fatigue Im just gonna roll my eyes at him.lol. Hope it gets better for you.

[rawpriestess]

people who want to be in control, really have issues with the feeling of lack of control from child hood, usually abuse issues, emotional abuse.

there is no way to change these people.

All you can do is change what you do, or what you think.

You can change the way you look at for what purpose he wants to be in control, like think of it as he loves you, or he wants the best for you, or he thinks that he can protect you

or you can change what you do, you can eat the way he wants you to eat, or you can leave him, or you can do whatever you want, and not tell him

it is all up to you, but you can't change him

and he won't change UNLESS he wants to.

so you will have it this way as long as you keep thinking and doing what you are thinking and doing.

[denisedeland]

I know he will never change. So I don't plan to talk to him much about it. The way I see it I will let see how much better I feel and the more energy I have. I know he has control issues. I'm sure it has to do with his mom. She still controls him. If she says jump he says how high. And if I dare try and spend any holiday time with my family she gets really pissed. The last holiday I got to spend with my family was the 4th of July in 2004. I'm going to spend a few weeks with my parents next month. I need the break. So I am just planning to keep what I am doing to myself and not say anything to him.

Denise

[Sharon in Colorado]

Hi Denise,

I haven't read all the responses but I did think of something and sorry if it was already mentioned.

My hubby supports me doing this, although doesn't want it 'pushed' all the way on our kids either. He is not negative about it, but he just doesn't care for all the recipes, particularly the ones that mimic cooked food.

We do juices and smoothies, fruits and salads as an everyday thing. And this is exceptable as it is 'normal' fresh food. However, as many times as I've tried to prepare things like cakes, cookies, certain breads, lasagne, and some other prepared stuff about 85% of the time he does NOT like this stuff.

So I am just wondering if you dh is turned off by the weirdness of the recipes in general? Also using the word fresh and natural instead of raw might be more familiar to him and less strange.

[Sharon in Colorado]

if your husband is actually "yelling" and "screaming" about this, there are bigger problems afoot than raw v. cooked. lots of good insight and advice has been posted to this thread already, but I just wanted to add that yelling and screaming is disrespectful to you, indicates that he is out of control, and creates a stressful and negative environment for your young children. the heavier daughter may even be internalizing this stress by overeating, and it is as important to make sure she's not eating emotionally as it is to make sure she eats the right foods. I would urge you to focus your efforts on getting your husband to engage with you calmly, rationally, and respectfully as a general rule. if he is not able to do that, it almost doesn't matter what he's arguing, because he is not rational. don't train your daughters (by your example) to accept yelling and screaming and mockery about issues that are important to them from the men in their lives.

take care,
e

I agree with what e says here 100%. It sounds like there is much more going on. There is no place for yelling and screaming. It sounds like he is running a cult with that kind of treatment.

A cult is often defined by following the ideology of one leader or one school of thought against mainstream thinking. When you get more educated on raw food, you will see there are many, many different directions and branches of raw. You have the low fat, high fat, sproutarians, fruitarians, gourmet, super-foods crowd. There are many schools of thought and teachings in the raw food community, which is VERY un-cult-like.

I hope you are able to calmly communicate with your husband for the sake of your marriage and children. This is #1 in your marriage, raw food isn't.

[honeybee joy]

I wouldn't try to get your children to eat raw at all, I would just eat raw, and let them come to you when they want raw. They will see mommy eating raw and get really curious. Then no one feels pressured. It is better for your kids to choose raw for themselves, than for you to choose it for them. You could tell your kids about raw, and why you wanna do it, and how yummy it is. Then I think your husband will not feel like you are trying to make your children raw, then he probably thinks he is next. Since he has a controlling mother, he probably thinks you might try to control him and get him to eat raw. Let him know that he isn't the one who is changing, it is you. That you don't expect him to eat raw. You hubby probabaly doesn't want to go raw. He might deep down think that it is healthy, but is afraid for some reason. That could be why he feels threatened. Just be your raw beautiful self, and unconditionally love him, and maybe eventually he will open up.

Let your kids come up to you and say, mommy, I want to try your rawvioli, or your datenut torte. Your daughter will probably see how much fun you are having and that you are loosing weight and want to do it herself.

There is a soul also inside your husband, and he does have feelings also, just sounds like he doesn't know how to comuniate them outside of anger, and even though I don't think it is good that he is yelling at you, I would try to find out why it is bothering him. There is something that is fueling that anger. Let him know the yelling hurts your feelings. What I would do is if he is yelling, leave and come back and talk to him about it when he is calmed down. Let him kindly know that you don't wanna hear the yelling, but when he is calm and ready to discuss why this is bothering him, then you will talk. Politely let him know you don't need another mother, but love having him as the sexy husband he is. That should get a giggle out of him. :p

Try to get him to talk to you about his mother and how it makes him feel. More than likely, he is not going to tell you about it at first, but when more trust and love is built, and he feels comefortable about opening up to you about it, you might find that he feel tremendous guilt and pressure about his mother. He probabaly feels he owes her his time and dedication. Just be loving to him and let him feel your love. I am sure his soul needs it right now. Do some special things for him, but also take care of yourself, make your self feel beautiful, go get a wonderful facial or a massage, get him one too! :p
His mothers catty comments are probably because since he married you, she does not have as much control over him as she used to and she is trying to make you feel bad, so that you will back off and not have a close relationship with your husband,and then she can regain control again. Don't let her sharp words get you down. Be smooth, cool, and confident, let your true beauty shine, and let him see you are happy, that will attract him to you, and he will want to know what you think, and will want to listen. Make sure he knows you accept him the way he is and you don't want him to change.

I know this sounds like a sticky situation, but I know it will turn out good.
Bless you and good luck.

[denisedeland]

I would never push raw on my kids. I would like for them to include more fresh food in their diet, but I will not cut out cooked food. I believe it should be each persons own choice. when they get older then can make up their own minds. My husband works 4 to midnight so what I give the kids for dinner and bedtime snack is my choice. So including fresh fruit and veggies with dinner and snack I think would be good. I guess what really bothers me is the fact that he thinks it is just some cult. He won't even let me explain at all. So I am just going to keep my mouth shut and eat what I want. Maybe with time he will grow up...

Denise

[denisedeland]

I can't leave and come back when he is yelling and screaming. He will chase me down to continue the fight. I know his mom is like this because we don't get along. We have only put up with each other for the past 9 years because of hubby. I don't go over there to much. I haven't been in a few weeks. For some reason I just can't take her crap right now. Just nerves I think. She will be heading out of town for a few months so I will get a break...

Denise

[honeybee joy]

Well I am so sorry that you do have to deal with that. It doesn't sound like there is any boundaries. I am assuming that is because you are more laid back and easy going and probably let you needs and preferences slip due to avoiding conflict. There is probably a part of you that lets this go on because you do want peace with him, but it is not going to change by giving in. Actions speak louder than words, and if you let him chase you and give in and let him argue with you, then you are telling him it is ok, In my opinion, I wouldn't take that, and leave, and call the police, he has to know that there are boundaries. He probably doesn't know that, because of the way he was raised. You have to be firm, and not give in. It sounds to me that you might have to leave him so that he gets the message. That stress is not good for your body, or your health. They have found that people who are stressed or depressed, have a harder time at healing, and you and your children need o be in a healing environment, for you health, and you emotional wellbeing.

If he is being abusive you need to leave right away.

[rawpriestess]

he will continue to treat you the way, that you have allowed him to treat you, and for as long as you continue to allow it.

He is NOT going to grow out of it, it only gets worse.

He is NOT going to be nicer,it only gets worse.

He is NOT going to grow up, it only gets worse.

Only YOU can make the decision, how long you deserve this treatment.

No one here, can make that decision for you.

[Lay-Lay]

wow, I hate that your support system is not coming through your husband at this time. No worries, you have all of us rawbies here on the forum, so relax, sit back and enjoy some green juice with us.

My husband is not raw, but he loves many of my raw desserts which I make him often.

I also learned to embrace the cooked world. Not how you make think. I figure if my husband is going to eat cooked food I am going to make it for him. We have always been eating out addicted. Usually 2-3 meals a day rarely eating at home. Now I fix ALL his meals at home. I always include fresh vegetables that he likes. I fix him fruit smoothies and fruit salad for breakfast, etc.... Since I started making all his meals and fixing him fruit, raw treats, and smoothies...he has lost 15 pounds. I have noticed his allergies have improved some.

I am sure you will make things work on the homefront, but remember that your health and the health of your family is at stake too.

When he is making "comments, etc" about raw I would just say "honey, it's just food and this is just something I'm doing for myself" Say it with sweetness and love in your eye's and he will melt to the idea I'm sure.

[m_pizzano]

Even though my fiance is supportive he has called eating raw a cult too before and when I do affirmations, he calls it voo doo! I don't really let it get to me but I agree with others when they say the best thing to do is just eat raw yourself and hopefully he will see how great you look and feel. Even if your husband never decides to go raw, he will probably not make fun of it anymore if he sees how healthier you are. Another thing that has worked for me is to make many of the gormet raw dishes that taste more like cooked food. My boyfriend loves them and he's just so happy that I'm making him food to eat :-)

[denisedeland]

I really want to thank everyone for your help.. I was feeling so lost when I posted this thread. I really feel much better about it now. I know that no one can make my choices for me, and I have spent the last 8 years letting him do it. This is something I am going to stick to my guns about. Now that my chemo is over I hope to look and feel better. I hope to let my actions speak for me...

Denise

[Sharon in Colorado]

Hey Denise,

The fact that you have been very sick should be the best reason for you to do it, and have the support of your family. If I didn't have that support for my health issues, I don't know how I'd do it as I still have to prepare food for everyone else.

It makes it easier that I am already a vegetarian so the meat based stuff I make is never a temptation however on bean burrito and pizza night (the kids always get a cheese or olive pizza) that is when my will-power is tested.

I hope you do finally get the support you deserve. I canont imagine him not understanding how you need to be on a clean, fresh and natural diet in your condition!

[CAdreamer]

Denise....

hmmmm....my guess is that there wasn't a stove or crockpot in the Garden of Eden. Raw first and now is the best choice. It's sad that your husband isn't supportive, but there are lots of ways to convert the unsuspecting, esp. if done respectfully, and with enough creativity and taste to provoke his own interest without havng to verbally convince. Can you make your food 'look' so much yummier than his ????

Add smoothies to the veggie chips and dip that your twins are now eating, and it seems like they could be pretty well satisfied for at least some of their daily diet. Also, let them engage in some of the food prep....maybe making smoothies or frozen fruit ice creams. Kids who help in the preparation of food are most often more willing to try new things, and enjoy what they've created.

[rome]

hi i'm new on this board and I just wanted to ask if things are getting better ?
I can relate to partners not treating you equally and thinking they have the right to yell and scream. I just wanted to say that it is really hard on the kids when they yell. It wasn't until the boys father left (his choice) that I found out how much it affected them.
Everyone in a partnership has the right to speak and make choices for themselves, and the children are both of yours and you should make sure he is reminded about that everytime he makes the remark.

[cr8tvinspiration]

Hi. I just wanted to jump in and say..the only person that you can make happy is yourself. And..He can only make himself happy. He may be insecure about this Raw food because it is something you are doing for yourself, and it is beyond his control. If he really wants to be in control, he will keep coming at you with hurtful comments, until you give in...if, of course, that is what you are used to doing. He is just pushing your buttons. Be strong. Live for yourself. Make yourself happy and healthy. If he makes a comment, just ignore it, as he is just looking for some kind of rise from you. Just be calm, and with each comment, move along. Do not argue the issue, as there is no point.

[denisedeland]

Things are really about the same here at home. I refuse to give in. I'm going to do this for my health and well being. He has involved his mom into the fight now. We don't get along and I already got an ear full from her. She has had the kids (except for the youngest) for the past few days. My husband says it's because she wants to see them, and to give me time to rest. I think it is to punish me. If it was to give me time to rest she would have taken all of the kids not just the three older ones. My husband comes by the control problem from her. She has to control everything. She runs both her sons lives. She loves talking trash about both her daughter in laws. I'm sorry if I am just venting. I guess I'm just getting tired of being controled. My family hates him because he is so controling and in turn I don't get see my family much anymore. If I want to see my family it turns into a fight. I think that is one of the reasons my parents moved to Florida. We lived less than a mile from each other and I saw them maybe twice a year. When my dad was in the hospital I wasn't able to even go and see him. It's my fault as well because I have let him and his mom do this. I think he is just trying to keep me from going down to spend some time with my family. Good news is next week I am going to Florida for 2 or 3 weeks. So I can eat raw as much as I want.. The kids too... So there is a light at the end of the tunnel for me.. Thanks so much for everyones help. You all are so wonderful...

Denise

[rawpriestess]

And you are staying with this man for what purpose?

[mel123]

I was afraid to ask the question, but now that it is out there, I would like to know as well. He sounds like he is not one bit supportive or even open. Sometimes we stay in things that are not good for us. I certainly have. Think about it. My partner is a SAD eater, but is open to accepting me for what I eat. We have a salad together every night before she eats her dinner and we eat fruit in the morning. You deserve to feel supported and loved regardless of how "different" you may be eating. And also is this the same woman who just gto done with chemo!! And he's acting like that??? Think about it!!!!!

[Lay-Lay]

I have been thinking the same thing RP.

I would maybe consider staying in Florida. Anyway, I hope you have a great time with your folks and the kids. Get some fresh sun, relax, and enjoy yourself.

[Green Life]

I know he will never change.

Denise

How do you know for sure?

Never is a long, long time.

He just may surprise you one day!
;)


Green life

[RawNut]

Denise,

Was Bill like that when you lived in Tampa or was he more easy-going? Are his reactions his or his mother's through him? It sounds like he may be a mama's boy. Do you voice your opinion to him about his mom? It's not your fault at all but he may despise you for saynig anything negative about his "dear" mother. I was just wondering if there might be a connection. As you know, my mother was never controlling but, there was an incident when my ex-girlfriend bought a new cell phone after having owed my mom two months worth of payments for the car she bought from her. I did get pissed about that. Had it been anyone else I knew, it probably wouldn't have bothered me.

If you think there's hope, get away from his mom. If not, by all means, leave him and come back to FL with your parents. This is your real home anyway. Don't take it the wrong way. I'm not trying to "get back with you" or anything like that. I know it might sound like that but, I'd just like to see you well and happy. Your kids too.

Craig

[RawFoodieMom]

Denise,

Your husband not letting you see your family is a huge red flag, and very disturbing to me. People that are controlling in this way do NOT change. I think that you should REALLY think about your situation when you're away from him in Florida. Does he know yet that you're going?

I have seen other relationships like this and I can tell you it will only get WORSE. :(

I feel so bad for you especially since there are children involved. :(

I totally agree with rawpriestess.

[RawFoodieMom]

I cannot believe that he wouldn't even let you see your father when he was in the hospital. I don't know what your father was there for but what if the worst had happened??

Is this really how you want to live the rest of your life? Isolated from friends and family to be with a man who yells and screams at you and controls you to the point of alienating you from all of your loved ones?

Are your 3 kids back in your home with you yet?

I'm sorry, I'm just trying to give a bit of a wake-up call to you because I feel like this is part of the reason you started this thread... And I don't want you to "stick it out" any longer, unless this is truly how you want to live. But I really don't think it is!

I wish only the best for you.

[spicyfull]

One is ofter afraid of what they don't understand. He probably thinks he is losing his wife in some way. If you remain calm, keep a low key about raw, maybe he will come around. It's just a choice you have made.
I have not had a husband since 1982, what do I know. I don't think I want one, Happier days will come..............

[Sharon in Colorado]

I think it is important to try to work out differences in a marriage. There are always hard times, and will always be hard times, and you should not give up on him unless there is some kind of real abuse or adultery going on. However, there have been repaired marriages even with abuse and infidelity.

Obviously there was a time of love and caring in the beginning, you just need to work on recapturing it and also figuring out what BOTH of you can do to work on your struggles.

It might be worse to take time apart. That time you both might be fuming away about your problems, and talking about each other to your own families and friends, and possibly getting advice or suggestion to do something that may not be in neither of your best interests at HEART. Communication, together and with a mediator is really important, for you and your children's sake.

Furthermore, him taking advice from his mother and you taking advice from a message board WILL create other problems in your marriage beyond the present problems you are already having. So please be careful about seeking outside advice without talking with him. That almost always elevates matters. (I know I'm advising you too, but I'm just hoping you are careful as it seems the major consensus here is to 'leave' him).