Family Interference -or- Rant on Going It Alone?

[Jordann]

I have read many posts of this coming up for people, and well, now it's come up for me :rolleyes:

I have been quietly eating as close to 100% raw 100% of the time as I can for the past, oh 3 weeks or a bit more (I actually stopped counting raw days, because it suddenly became apparent that the obvious choice, without thinking, was Raw!) I haven't even mentioned it to my family, who are both carnivorous cooked food lovers :p

However, the big 2-5 is on Friday and my sister and mom are planning the dinner, which I can't bring myself to refuse because I know how much it means to the both of them.. so I brought it up, and suggested we make some raw dishes, or I make the raw dishes or something....

I must say, I was disappointed initially that they both heaved big sighs and exchanged looks, then turning to me informed me they thoughts this 'fad diet' was done and when was I going to stop trying to lose weight and why can't I just be happy with myself blah blah blah blah blah blah... I tuned out as the lecture went on... and on... and on!

I completely understand their concern, because a few years ago I was bulimic and that coincided with my first forays (?) into raw foods, and they see the 2 as inter-related or connected somehow.

There have been some wonderful threads on here full of marvelous suggestions, many of which I have tried on for size at various times. I am now more focused on trying to gain the best health ever for myself, and then I'll go back and offer the same possibilities to them. Right now it is no longer worth my effort to continually put the raw-food idea out there. I've been keeping quiet and just doing it myself.

I'll be eating whatever they decide upon for dinner this Friday, simply because it'll be vegan - they're cool with that much, but for some reason the rawness doesn't sit well - and the enjoyment it will bring everyone to share a special meal together is more important to me.

It was difficult to come to this decision, because some reasoning I had was a little, well, illogical. For example, I'm vegan, so would I relent and eat animal products for one 'special meal'? No, I wouldn't. I can't stomach the thought.

So why am I making this exception for the rawness? Well, because I care more about my family harmony than I do about the implications of one cooked meal in an otherwise all raw life. I guess. I'd rather avoid the unnecessary conflict, and also, I could probably digest a rock (my digestion is very strong, my constitution is Pitta) :p so I don't feel the consequences will be very bad. Besides, I don't want to spend my birthday in the kitchen.

What I'm getting at, or trying to at any rate :rolleyes: is that I used to be approaching Raw as this thing which had to be all or nothing. I used to try for 100% raw and feel really guilty if I had a tortilla chip! It was ridiculous! I love food, I love to eat, I love raw.

I also believe that the love which goes into food while being prepared affects how our bodies assimilate and digest the meal.

I know I will get to a point where I realize, hey, I haven't eaten a nibble of raw food for a year! But if it makes my Grandma uncomfortable, I'd much rather just eat the darn _________. (As long as it's vegan of course! ;) )

This is the most convoluted rambling post I've had. Sheesh. Sorry everyone.

I feel better,WAY BETTER, when I eat raw. So that is what I do. And I also feel better, WAY BETTER, when I'm refrain from behaviour which I know make others uncomfortable. Well, my family at least, because they are closest to me. I'd rather make a sacrifice on their behalf, because I love them and really, when it comes down to it, love is all that matters :p (Aww so corny too! Long and cheesy! You deserve a prize if you read this far!!!)

So, like David Wolfe says, have the best day EVER!

Like RawPriestess says, we all RAWK!!!

(I smile every single time I read that, You RAWK! It's just so happy :D )

[dreamrawalwz]

I would just be careful. Some can not even have the first bite of raw or it'll send them into a tailspin and it takes forever to get out!

[rawfigure]

Ranting is good to get the feeling out. You feelings are shared by so many of us here. You will know what is right in your heart in these situations.

I like you keep quiet about Raw and family, friends barely notice. I have learned to take the raw foods to functions that are well accepted, called Salads!!! Fruit salad, and cause no friction.

I like you, have found myself in a few situations where it would of been rude to proclaim my rawness and refuse to eat a cooked food made out of love. So in those rare cases, if it is made as a loving offering and would hurt another for me to refuse it (other than foods like fish which I am very allergic too..) I take that to heart and I will eat some. And though I prefer to be Raw I am comfortable with cooked in those rare cases !!

[Sharon in Colorado]

Families can be trouble when it comes to food, I know too well. I feel like I have to fight it tooth and nail at times.

When it comes to family or friend gatherings I will try not say anything about "raw" food, but will offer to bring or make some kind of salad or fruit dish. That is more normally accepted, as some people think of raw as some elaborately made, soaked, sprouted dehydrated concoction.

I also believe that it may be easier to say you eat fresh fruits and vegetables, because there's a more clear cut line there, than vegan, which seems to have more restrictions because dairy can be lurking in so much food.

Another good idea is that if you want to prepare a "raw" dish, like crepes, sushi, blueberry pie or something like that from the recipe book, then you can call it by that name and not say anything about it being raw. You can offer to make a guacamole, a big watermelon scooped out and filled with melon balls, a corn salad (or relish), veggie wraps, whatever. Then just bring them and not even mention that they are raw.

Then when they start complimenting you on how amazing you look and ask what you are doing, you can casually and non-cholantly tell them you eat mostly fresh fruit and veggies.

Is this your big 2-5 as in your birthday? If this is your day, why not make something you'll enjoy and not feel bad eating afterward? If your mom and sisters want to make something THEY enjoy on YOUR birthday, at least they should allow you to enjoy your own dish, right?

[Kris]

I can completely sympathize, Jordann. I have this internal debate every time I visit my Italian, force-feeding in-laws. They have gone to such great lengths to accomodate my husband and I for being vegan, it seems almost cruel to tell them I don't eat cooked food. But, it's also cruel (to myself!) to have to spend a week with migraines, mucous, and fatigue to recover from a weekend of eating at their home. It's a tough one.

I don't have any stellar advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your frustration. Why don't you come on out to Victoria for your b-day and we'll make you a raw feast that you can eat without guilt or pain? :D

Seriously, though, it's your birthday and your body and I think you deserve to be happy.

[PhoeniX]

Good for you! I think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the choice that you have made. And I certainly agree with the sentiment. Enjoy your birthday with your family and appreciate how much they love you.

J

[robertandenith]

I relate to you so much Jordann! My family and my husband's relatives are all latinos who love to cook! We love doing potlucks, get together, parties, reunions, you name it. Everything start at the kitchen! lol I usually bring my own things specially because I have picky eaters (my 2 precious daughters), so I always bring a small cute cooler with lots of rawies. Last time I went to a family reunion and I ate some of their rice, pretended that I ate a lot btw then I had some of my own food. I like Sharon's idea of bringing your own dish or pie! I will do this the next family reunion!

Enjoy your party!! :D

[Jordann]

I really appreciate the replies - I like to get feedback on my thoughts, because I might be missing something important! And this forum is so incredibly supportive, no matter what. It's wonderful. :D

I think I'll make a raw dessert which I can eat all day long - indulge my chocolate fantasies with that chocolate pie in the recipe section, OR, the cheesecake everyone raves about? I can't decide.... :p Gotta love such a decision!

Again, mucho appreciation for your thoughts on the matter.

[Jordann]

PS Kris - I love that Gandhi quote....

[Conscious Midwife]

"In a gentle way shake the world"- Gandhi

Great quote to live by.

TO the all: Does every celebration and get together have to be about food???

To the OP: Wouldn't your presence aloe maintain harmony, without having to compromise your dietary intake???

My out loud thought " I would like folks to show me their love by accepting me as is without ridicule, fault finding or disapproval of my perfectly sane, ethical and sound lifestyle choice(s)"

PEACE

[juliebove]

I just don't understand this. If it's your birthday, then why would you not be allowed to choose the meal? That's how my family does it. Now I do have to choose carefully because we have so many food issues in my family. Three of us with food allergies. One avoids nightshades. Three diabetics. Three with GERD. Two on Weight Watchers, etc. Now there are some overlaps there. There are only 8 of us including my parents, my brother and his family. So coming up with something we can all eat can be a real challenge! We often dine out at either a Mexican restaurant or a Greek/Italian/American restaurant where we know the owners and they know our dietary limitations. They are happy to make things for us that are not on the menu. So everyone can get something they can eat.

If we eat at my parent's house, we almost always do the salad bar thing. We often have two bowls of greens because my daughter and I prefer a mix of things like mesclun, spinach and baby greens, perhaps in addition to regular lettuce. My brother calls these weeds and will not eat them. He will only eat iceberg or romaine lettuce.

My dad bought a ton of glass custard cups in two different sizes and these hold a variety of cut up raw veggies, olives, nuts, etc. There will also be assorted animal type proteins for those who eat this stuff, like eggs, cheese, or meat. And there is always some type of fruit. From there, other things will be added to round out the meal for those who feel they need it. There might be additional meat, bread or crackers, rice, pasta or potatoes. Sometimes in the form of a cold salad or a sometimes a hot dish.

Dessert may or may not be there depending on the occasion. I don't eat dessert, not even on my birthday. So when my birthday rolls around, I just tell my mom to get/make whatever "they" want. "They" being the rest of the people. We are an unconventional family though and one year for my dad's birthday, the "cake" was 1/2 of a canteloupe, hollowed out, turned upside down and stuck with candles. There was additional fruit available for those who wanted it.

Perhaps I am lucky in that every person in my family with the exception of my husband has a problem of some sort with food. This is more than a matter of choosing to eat a certain way. We all have some sort of medical problem or bad reaction to a certain food that causes us to avoid it. So not a one of us would even think to question why another person says they can't eat a certain thing or chooses to eat a certain way.

[seand11]

your family might have a hard time respecting your dietary choices if you give them up so easily and needlessly to accommodate others. after all, isn’t it about a celebration (of you!) and not eating? happy 2-5 and many more!

[rawpriestess]

Only you can pick your battles,


I personally have no battles, as I simply eat what I eat and that is that.

I wouldn't allow anyone to control or dictate to me what they want me to eat.

If you feel wonderful about your choices, then fine, but the fact that you voiced it here, in my opinion, means that you are not fine with your choice.

it sounds to me like you want validation for your choice of eating a cooked meal prepared by your family.

again, I understand the rational, for what your choice is, but it is just that a rational, a compromise, a sacrafice.

But again, only you can make your choices as to what is important to you.

You said you would always stay vegan, so do you not think raw is as important? or do you not believe that eating cooked is eating death?

I know I can't eat one bite of cooked food, so I am actually lucky that way, trust me, I've tried many many times to eat just one bite of cooked, and I always go off into a long several months binge, then I go back to raw, and I feel great again.

So, there you go, you have my blessings to eat whatever you wish, there is no raw police, and we love you, no matter what your food choices are.

Happy Birthday, and have a wonderful dinner, although it won't be 100% raw, it will be 100% love, so that is the number one important part of healing, to have love.

[gatorgrrl]

from my recent experience I realize that its not worth it. Why don't you make some gourmet dishes for the party. You don't have to tell them that they are raw and I am sure you all will enjoy them

[Jordann]

I have come to the conclusions that:

Eating Raw is best, preferrable, desirable and delicious. This being a raw forum, I know the consensus is as much :D

As I was writing my post, it was serving a journalling function in that it helped me clarify my own thoughts on the matter at hand. Perhaps a public forum isn't the place for this, but like I said, I love hearing what other people have to say. I love the variety of ideas and opinions. I always want to hear more! All I really know for certain is that I don't know very much, so forums such as this offer the possibility of continuous learning :D

I don't want to put myself in a box and seal it up with Raw tape. I think my resistance in the past (to sticking at 100%) is related to this, and related to my old 'diet mentality' of 'good foods vs. bad foods'. I resist labels with a vengeance (how do you spell this???) for other reasons too.. being labelled with such and such a disorder or illness and having people treat me a certain way because of said label.

I am not Raw or a Raw Foodist, it's just something I do, it's how I like to eat. Similarly and this is connected to my forever evolving philosophy of life, I am not this body, I am not 'Jordann', not really. These labels, these ideas, and these associations are not important to me. (Well, I'm working on it ;) )

This post has helped me understand exactly where I do stand, and I can say wholeheartedly now, that I have found something which works for me, and I'm not even going to think about it. Because I don't really need to anymore.

I'm gonna eat raw today, without considering other options. It's an incredible weight off the shoulders when you realize you don't even care about that (insert whatever cooked product here) in the cupboard or fridge. The starchy carbs used to taunt me and now it's just a shrug, hmmmm, would that actually taste as good, and make me FEEL as good, as this mango raspberry smoothie I'm about to make? Heck No! :D Or the blended salad (I'm addicted to these things!) with jicama, mint, cucumber and avocado??? That's the kicker... it's how incredibly ALIVE and HAPPY I feel which in turn pulls me in the direction of wanting to do eveything I can to help those around me feel the love/peace/happiness/joy etcetera too.

Now that the pressure is gone, so is the dilemma. It seems to have resolved itself, overnight, but really I know it's been awhile in the making. I feel very free, and very content. And I truly hope that everyone feels this peace, because.. well...

it RAWKS!!! :p

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts, I've been reading these posts over and over and the clarity really hit me this morning, and I'm so grateful for this forum and for everyone who takes the time to share pieces of themselves here. Bless y'all, really, I love it! :D