85.5 now! and yet

[Lunar*Fey]

I feel great. I've gained more weight! Now I'm 85.5 lbs. I wrote a letter to my doctor about RAW and Living foods and how good I feel and how it has made me feel much more liberated from my disorder. And she said it was fine! well she said it was still too restrictive but she said she didn't mind for now as long as I am healthy. This made me so excited. And yet, my dad calls up and the first thing he says is "so did you make an agreement with your mom about your eating yet?" I had no idea what he was talking about but I guess my therapist told my mom that I have to agree to eat what they eat at dinner every night or something of that sort. Yet, my therapist told them this BEFORE talking to my doctor. I see her tomorrow, I'm not looking forward to this. Any way my doctor said I am doing an amazing job and to keep it up and that we are putting the whole "going to eating disorder hospital" on hold unless I lose weight again. But no matter what I do my mom is never satisfied with me, if I maintain weight she just acts mad at me "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GAINING WEIGHT!" and then I just feel like I've failed her, failed life, failed everything. I just wrote her a really long letter. I hope it helps. I hope she comes to understanding that RAW is what has helped bring me as far as I have gotten. I have gained about 7 pounds all on my own so far! in maybe, a month! That should be amazing. She should be so happy for me. Am I wrong? I understand she is just concerned and worried and she really loves me. But only have I been able to do this eating raw...I tried with cooked, I truly did....but the emotional anxiety and stress was just too much. Now I feel happy and free and physically and mentally GOOD for once while gaining weight! I just hope the letter helps. If it doesn't....oh gosh I don't want to go back to where I was in my mind, but that's what happens when I go back to cooked, no matter how much I telll myself I wont return to my tendencies. I hate to admit to such a lack of strength, but I have to be honest.
Just had to share, thanks so much.

[dreamrawalwz]

I'm glad you wrote the letter to your mom. Somtetimes it's easier to write it then to say it. You're doing a great job! I'm proud of you. If you're continuing this way and your doctor is ok with it please try not to worry about what your mom thinks? Yes, she may not accept it because it's different, but that's HER problem and shouldn't affect your decisions. If this is waht you want keep going down this path. Once your weight is where it should be they may accept this "raw thing" easier. As you said, it's just out of concern. In your letter did you say that you resort and thing negative things when you go back to cooked? As long as you're gaining weight, the doctor is happy about it, and your therapist is ok wtih it, then try not to stress about it as much? Just keep doing what makes you happy sweetie. Parents won't agree and accept everything they're children do (even the good things), but that's waht makes each person an individual. They need to go down their own paths and make their own mistakes to create their lives.

[PhoeniX]

Hello Lunar*Fey,

Congratulations on gaining weight. That is great!

You and your family are obviously going through a difficult time and all that I would suggest to you is to remember that they love you. Building trust can be a slow process. It can be very difficult for most people to believe that eating a raw food diet can be healthy as it is quite alien to many. This would be especially true if you already are underweight. I think that your best bet for now would be to try to get your doctor to add the strength of her approval of your progress to your mother. Also, see if your doctor and therapist can get on the same page.

Best of luck,
J

[Lunar*Fey]

Dreamrawalwz,
thank you so much, your encouragement really helps :). I try not to care about what she thinks, it's just it affects my availability of food. There have been days when the fruit in my diet consisted only of bananas and raisins and therefore I had to eat a LOT of those, and it dodn't feel right or good. I was really craving oranges and apples (I had greens). It's just hard not to care when they basicly tell me what an inconvenience I create for them, I wish they could just see that this is the only thing that helps me and keeps me happy and healthy. I hate to admit that but it's the truth. I hope the letter to my mom helps. She's at bowling right now, but I hope she'll check her email when she gets home or tomorrow. thank you so much for being there for me :)

PheoniX,
Thank you! :) I definately know what you mean, and it's very (understandably) hard for me (since I had an eating disorder) to re earn the trust of my family. And, like you said, it's hard for them to believe that eating a raw diet is healthy "behavior". I talk to my therapist tomorrow, so I'll see what she has to say to me. And my doctor, I see again on may 30th, but I could always call her if I have to. thank you so much!

[ChaiLife]

CONGRATULATIONS!!! This is awesome news. ((((((HUGS)))))) Keep doing what you're doing. It seems to be working. how about if I just email you a few of my pounds and then BOTH of us will be happy?! :p

Keep us posted on how things go.

[veggie]

Congrats, Lunar! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
I'm so excited for you and the strides you are making with your weight gain AND with your doctor. If you continue to progress, I'm sure they will see RAW as positive, and it will add backing to your argument!

[rawfigure]

You are doing great. 7 pounds is a huge accomplishment for you. Yeah !

I totally understand your feeling of freedom eating Raw foods over cooked. While I am decades from the worst of my food issues, though I I still battled with eating phobias and the # on the scales. In the 8 months of raw I have lost so many of my food/body image issues.

SO again your are doing awesome, stay on the path...keep up the pace !

I will say a bedtime prayer for you as I am heading off to bed now. Nite !

[karenisraw]

Lunar*Fey,

Congratulations. I am so happy for you.

If only you and your family could attend the lectures I go to and learn really what SAD does to your body and state of mind. It really does literally affect your mind and attitude because literally it has many negative chemical reactions that cause you to feel that way. The same happened to me. Going back to SAD would literally be going back into mental hell. I understand what you are saying because I too am sensitive to SAD and it really messes me up to eat that food. It sounds like it is a nutritional thing for you and not a "mental" thing. That is my case too. Raw vegan diet and a few suppliments and I couldn't be happier.

Hopefully, they will notice the changes in you and appreciate them the more you gain.

Good luck,

k

[robertandenith]

Congrats Lunar*Fey!!! I am not what to say as everyone has said the perfect words, but we are here to support you. Great idea about the letter. Sometimes we communicate better through writing rather than speaking, messages are clear and to the point.

[gatorgrrl]

Great job and congrats. You can do whatever you set your mind to. Try to get a good share of nuts, olive oil, and avocados in your diet.

[ChaiLife]

Lunar,
I was reading something out of "Green for Life" last night and thought about you. It was discussing why some people were having trouble with weight gain and said that a common cause is the stomach acid is not strong enough in some people. Apparently you need very strong stomach acid to dissolve foods to get the nutrients out. If you can't get the nutrients, you are starving. There are HCL pills that doctors can give to help with stomach acid.
I just thought it was interesting and wanted to share. ;) The author was saying that some people on raw foods lose too much weight and were quitting. She (the author) asked some to get their stomach acid tested and they had weak stomach acid. As soon as they took the HCl pills they were able to gain weight because they were getting the nutrients they needed.
Another great way, as I am reading in the book, is to use a high powered blender and make green smoothies. That way you break up the cell walls of the plants and get the nutrients stored within the cells.

You are doing fantastic. Hopefully you will see even more improvements quickly.

[Lunar*Fey]

:eek: :( The painfully long email I wrote my mom last night somehow never got sent! I'll have to rewrite the entire thing!

ChaiLife,
Thank you so much! :) *returns HUG* also, thank you for the advice. Someone else told me about the green smoothies so I try to have one of those every day. thanks again!

Veggie,
THank you! I hope you are right!

Rawfigure,
thank you so much! That is so great that you, too, are feeling some of the liberation of raw :). thank you

Karenisraw,
Thank you very much. I also really wish we could attend those lectures. Although, my mom would probably say "oh they're just trying to brainwash you" or something. They have noticed the changes in me, but sadly they associate it with the depression pills I was made to take...even though I started feeling better before the pills could have taken effect. ah well.
thanks again!

Robertandenith,
thank you! That is often true for me, it is easier to explain things (especially when talking to my mom) in writing than speach.

Gatorgirl,
thank you! I am making sure to get at least 20% fats from such things ;) but a bit more is good as well since my body is rebuilding.

[EastCoastie]

Lunar*Fey,

Congrats to you...That is a major accomplishment. And just think of all the other people you will be able to help because of your experience.

Keep your chin-up!

EC

[jenjenn]

Well I tried sending you an email

Maybe if your letter didn't get to your mom and you didn't recieve mine then maybe something is wrong with your email

Anyways, glad you are getting alot of support and you're getting better.

[Tombi]

Lunar*Fey,

I am so glad that you are gaining the weight and what is more important that you are feeling good about it! You are truly having a happy journey. Keep it up, you can do it! :)

I am sorry that you have lost your letter. However, whenever I have written something that has been lost to cyberspace or I lost it somehow, I have to always think that maybe I was suppose to loose it or that what I had written was not as good as it should have been. Maybe I left something out or maybe I should have explained myself a little better. I say just re-write the letter add more passion where you feel that it should be or lessen the passion where it should not be and then you should have another letter with all the emphasis where you need it to be because the first one for whatever reasons was not what you needed. Sometimes the mystics get involved and save us from ourselves in spite of ourselves. :D

No worries...we here are so very proud of you...keep up the good work!

[Lunar*Fey]

EastCoastie,
thank you very much! I am so happy to be able to help others :)

JenJenn,
no no I got your email! so sorry I haven't been able to return it yet, just a bit busy and have so many emails to return. I'm so sorry. I will definately return it though. thank you!

Tombi,
Thank you, and I know what you mean about the letter, thats a wonderful way to look at it.

[misslinda]

WOWSERS!!!!!!!!!!!

I missed this phenomenal turn in your life!

Congrats on feeling better Lunarfey. What really captivates me is your ability ability and gift to be passionate about healing and moving onward with your life! It took me 17 years to get past my ED's and I am so moved and touched by your success!

Do you feel liberated in a very inwardly way? I'd imagine the more you gain this ZEST that others area of your life is becoming vibrant and colorful again?

Way to go and keep us updated about the healing in you and your life. :)


News to my heart,
ml ;)

[Lunar*Fey]

MissLinda,
Thank you! :) you are right, other areas of my life are definately, although very slowly, becoming more vibrant and colorful once again. For the first time in two years! It feels amazing. I ate our house out of raw food right now so I'm loading in the raisins...all we have are salad greens, pine nuts, and raisins...oh and a few grapes. My mom can't afford to feed me no matter what I eat. *sighs*

[gatorgrrl]

the longer you do raw with conviction the more others will see how well you are doing and they will want to support you.

[Lunar*Fey]

thanks gatorgrrl, I hope you are right!