My boyfriend is not raw

[ryana]

and has no disare to live a raw lifestyle. When I choose to go raw. More changed with me than just what foods I consume. But he's still pretty much the same. I feel like we are on different pages now. anyone else experience this?

[rawpriestess]

YES, when I first went raw 5 years ago, I was with someone besides my beloved Dragggon who I am with now.


My boyfriend then was totally carnivore, smoked, drank, all that (so did Dragggon when we met) the difference is that Dragggon is very supportive of me, and my choices, he loves me and cares for me, and wants me to be happy, and to do whatever is my heart's desire.

Now my boyfriend back then, was totally upset by my "boring" food choices, in his words. he thought I was a nut and a freak, and that I was just wanting attention, and that I was going raw specifically to upset him.

Well, I can tell you, although I had been with him for 3 years, I left him and went on my merry raw way.

I thought I would NEVER find anyone who wanted me again, because I was almost 50 years old, over 150 pounds overweight, a rawffodist, I didn't drink or smoke, I lived very rural, I was a tree hugging freak, etc.

But you know what? almost exactly one year later, I found my beloved Dragggon and although he ate meat, drank and smoked, we are blissfully happy each and every day of our lives.

Because he loves me for me, and I love him for him, and we don't try to change each other EVER.

So, this is my story, you can stay with your boyfriend or not, but remember, what ever he is doing today and you are receiving from him as far as love or kindness, will be the same as you receive for the rest of your life, if that makes you joyous, great, continue, if that doesn't make you joyouse, Great, then you have some decisions to make.

[robertandenith]

OMG he was nuts RP! to draw attention? what an ignorant.

I didn't know your bf is dragggon :D how cool!

My hubby wasn't crazy about this in the beginning. I took him to a raw buffet and he loved a lot of stuff from it. He saw me losing weight and getting healthier. He loves my raw pizzas too. This time around that I am re-starting with the raw lifestyle, he wants to do it with me. I am even reselling on ebay all this nutrisystem package because I told him that I rather sell that junk and use it to buy produce. haha! He is now so raw, that don't even want to touch any meat! teeheee!!!

My advice is to try to do the gourmet foods and give him to try, he can eat his own meal if he wants to but you at least will give him to try YOUR meals. Make yummy smoothies, or pies, and give him a piece just as snack so he could just 'try' your foods. He will come around you'll see! Like mine did! :p :D

[robertandenith]

well said rawpriestess!!!

he loves meat and will never give up eggs and bacon.

that was my husband used to say! hehe!!!!!! I think is a macho thing. thank GOD he suffers from the gout and he can no longer eat red meats. But chix and turkey can be boring sometimes, and we never really wanted to eat pork YUCK! anyways, he has changed and has been converted to a RawMan :D

Daisyjellybean, tell him to take Alissa's classes to be a raw chef hehe!! :p

[swingbolder]

My husband is not raw, he's cooked vegan. It's rare for a fresh vegetable or fruit to pass through his lips.

He's completely supportive though, bc he sees how much healthier I am eating this way.

Usually it's no problem for him to eat around me, but if I'm going through a period of cravings or weakness he won't eat around me, so as not to tempt me.

[rawstrawberry]

My partner is not raw but I love him anyway :)

He supports me and doesn't try to change the way I eat nor do I him. He loves healthy food but I don't think he will ever give up meat.

We all have the right to live the life the way we feel fit.

Raw Strawberry

[shakti17]

So, this is my story, you can stay with your boyfriend or not, but remember, what ever he is doing today and you are receiving from him as far as love or kindness, will be the same as you receive for the rest of your life, if that makes you joyous, great, continue, if that doesn't make you joyouse, Great, then you have some decisions to make.

rp, can you elaborate on this part?
ryana - yes, i have experienced that. rp - i have told you about it before. basically he is a smoker/cooked eater (tho mostly vegetarian), and i usually "slip" when we are together.

but I have noticed our relationship change for the better, as I have changed for the better. as i change, i notice there is a bit of struggle as he wants to keep me as my prior self (a lesser version of me i think) but when i hold strong to my beliefs and ignore him, he adjusts to the improvements in me and that makes the whole relationship better.


that's why i am not sure about the "rest of life" thing rp, tho you may be right. because i have seen so many changes.

[rawpriestess]

shakti 17, I don't know what you mean by elaborate, what I was saying is if you wake up each day filled with joy and bliss to be with your boyfriend, then great, stay with him another day, but if you wake up with him, and you don't feel joy and bliss and loved beyond all measure, toss his butt out.


Life is too short to NOT be worshiped by your man, of course, you in turn need to worship him too. As all love is self love.

So, if you love him and have NO COMPLAINTS about anything he does or says, then great, stay with him, but if you have complaints annoyances, arguments, etc, then you may choose to reconsider whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

Trust me on this, there are a gazillion guys out there all wanting to be with someone special, so your chances are very very good that you will find yet another boyfriend in your life.

I used to think that I needed to work at my relationship, and be tollerant of my BF needs and all, and to work with him, and do what he wants to do, and and and and, NOT

Now, I live my life, and if my man of choice, wishes to live his life, and we wish to live our lives together great, if not, great, and I will be happy with him or without him, but not because of him.

Live your own life, and your friends will respect you, live their life, and neither of you wins.

[shakti17]

thanks rp. that is what i meant! more of your wisdom. very helpful :o

[rawpriestess]

Shakti17,

Alsa, wisdom comes with age, and doing it WRONG about a gazillion times LOL

now that I know better, I forgot what I wanted to know in the first place. LOL

anyway, all I can say about ANYTHING, is that life is too short to waste it being anything but blissfully happy every day.

and sometimes that means having a loving partner, and sometimes that means sitting alone with your own thoughts, and sometimes that means cuddling a kitty or what ever is YOUR personal bliss.

[ryana]

I guess I should give a little more info.
we have been together fot 2.5 yrs. living together for 2 of the yrs. I'm young only 20.I love him he loves me He supports most of my decsions. It's just well I want to change him to be honest. I know i need to accept him as is but i guess I just question if I would like to do that. I alwasy do this question everything it drives me nuts. lately I've just been feeling like i'm in my own raw world and he's not there. He doesn't eat any of my raw creations he doesn't like that kind of thing. he's gone raw for 25 days just to loose weight. I know it's all just me.
Raw princess you said something that suprised me
"I used to think that I needed to work at my relationship, and be tollerant of my BF needs and all, and to work with him, and do what he wants to do, and and and and, NOT"---I guess thats exactly who i think.

[karenisraw]

Same thing here. I am big-time eco-ras lifestyle. He is big-time mainstream and "unaware".

I discovered that he is a very nice boyfriend despite this and I will hopefully teach him over time. I simply have to accept at this time that he is slowly killling himself with his diet and dumping on the planet constantly, but he is begining to take small steps. He actually asked if the apple cobbler I was making the other week wa natural. I thought that was cute. He was making a literal effort to try to have a conversation about my lifestyle. He is also kind of showing interest in the green building materials I have around the house. He is a construction project manager and might be getting the clue about eco and sustainablitiy.

If he treats you well, and you care about each other, maybe you will both be on the same planet some day. This is what I am hoping for.

k

[ryana]

thanks karen

[juliebove]

My husband is not raw nor is my daughter. Daughter wants to be a vegetarian but she's only 7 and I'm not even sure she always knows what meat is. She does eat some meat but most meals are vegetarian. She is allergic to dairy and eggs so she never eats those. Husand is a real meat lover who seems to think vegetables are only for garnish. I do often wind up making three different meals for all of us. This is no biggie. I too have food allergies and also diabetes so often I expect to eat a different meal just for those reasons. The food thing is not usually an issue, except perhaps for dining out. There are certain places my husband wants to go that I simply refuse to go to. Raw food issue aside, they do not have much of anything my daughter and I can eat because of our food allergies. We need something more than a plate of iceberg lettuce. So if he wants to dine at those places, he'll have to do it with his friends. I won't go there.

[lissomllama]

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. My husband (whom I love and adore) eats a very bad diet most of the time. He eats alot of non-organic red meats, processed cheeses (or any cheese for that matter), processed junk foods, lunchables, sodas, you name it. I have talked to him numerous times about how bad the stuff is for him and for the longest time he just politely shrugged it off and said that he'd be fine. Now he eats a little bit better, like he'll eat a vegetable once in a while, he'll eat raw carrots and drink fresh juiced stuff from my juicer if I give it to him and he's begining to see how good raw is for the human body by living with me and seeing me change. He has grown a little bit and while he still eats a diet that frankly, scares me, I know it takes time to change and I know that he knows the diet is no good for his health. That's the first step: his knowing it's wrong. He may never be raw but he may eat healthier day by day. I know I can't change him though and that's alright. I am amzed at how lean and muscly he is though, he has a wonderful system because whenever he has something that's really bad for him, he eliminates it from his body, naturally within hours. His system seems to keep up with the crap he loads it up with ATM. I wish my system were that strong and not so sensitive to cooked stuff. Anyway, my point is that yes, it's difficult to deal with and I hate cooking him that stuff (not to mention that it makes it harder on me because the bad food is always right in front of me)but I love him and even though it's horrible to feed food that I know is poison to someone I love, it's not fair to try to force my eating habits and beliefs on someone else. It has to be his choice and I'm confident he'll come around. If he never does, I'll just always do my best to push for the healthier stuff and keep him as well as I can while still treating my body the right way. The good thing is that my husband is very supportive of my food choices. He knows what I can't have and if someond offers me something I can't eat, he often jumps in and proudly states "oh no, she can't eat that, she eats a healthy diet". He thinks my raw diet is a great thing and praises it (even though sometimes he sighs at the extrvagant grocery bill at the organic produce food store, but hey, so do I!), he just has trouble letting go of the foods he likes, and hey, I totally understand that. It's taken me a year to get here and I'm still not done. He also is becoming far more aware of what's good and bad for this planet and he's slowly learning. If he loves you and supports you in your dietary choices, that's all that really matters.

[PDMagnusen]

Ryana, you ARE in your own raw world. :) That is the reality when you are with someone and they are not raw. I know how you feel. It’s hard to go through a process as wonderful as this and not be able to share it with someone you love. I experienced that with my boyfriend when I first went raw as well. I didn't want to change him and I truly LOVE him for who he is, but it is very important to me that he embrace raw. Mostly because I've worked very hard for my health, and I don't want to spend my life with someone who can be living a much healthier life, but ends up with an illness. I know we are all different, and not everyone feels the same way I do, but for very personal reasons, I can’t be with someone who refuses to embrace raw to some degree.

It never came down to me going into this with my BF, because he is very open minded, and he saw how much raw healed me and changed my entire life. He wanted to be a part of the experience! I started exposing him by making many of Alissa's recipes for him to try. Everything he ate, he loved. I took the extra time to prepare food for him for breakfast, lunch and dinner each day. Although I was no longer eating the typical 3 meals a day (I typically munch all day), I had to do this for him, while he was transitioning. He didn't even realize what was happening, but he would say how much better he felt eating raw all day and how he had clarity. These days, he is high raw but wants to be 100%. We are working on finding a system that works for him.

I agree with what everyone else has said – as long as your BF supports you in your decisions, I feel the relationship can endure. What is most important is that he is there for you and is happy for you. People change every day…Who knows what the future may hold? Maybe one day he will want to be raw! :D Maybe not. Either way, as long as YOU are comfortable with your relationship and your choices, that’s all that really matters.

[PATH301]

This is an interesting thread.
Think about how many times you eat during the day?
And about 95 % of the world is set up for sad eating at least where I live this is true. Last week I went to hang out with a buddy of mine in this bar/ resturant - I can't drink any of the beers now and the only food that I can eat in there is a salad. Now this is not the point, the point is now that I am a rawbie if I was really trying to find a female rawbie, (girlfriend) it would be challenging.It's hard enough to a good regular one let alone one that has the same eating lifestyle that I do. I can see it now let's goto such and such place, they've these great salads! . I know it can be more intimate to have dinner at each other's home - but sometimes you just wanna go out to eat.
I remember one time back when I was married. I had started to eat differently when I was trying to lose weight - that alone seperated us from our times that we used to share togather, plus we started buying food at different times and not togather anymore. And cooking seperatly and so on.......even thought she was supportive because I was trying, there was still a seperation going on. To those of you who have someone who is supportive - be thankful

ryana,
so yes I know what this is like - just not as a RAW eater

[aromaticwings]

Do Not try to change him!!!

I agree with RP... Share your excitement, your enjoyment of being raw with him. If you get mean or weird responces from him do not take it personall. Do not get angry.. Silently enjoy it so much that he will want to be apart of this enjoyment with you. Love him for all that he is.. meat eating and all.. share your food.. give him tastes.. If it time for him TO change then he will come around..

Mine fought me at first... slowed on that.. loves to nibble what I have.. has even slowed down on sodas and milk... says feels better... but wont give in to being raw.. he loves salads.. but still wants to keep the greesey foods.. but is alot more supportive of my eating.. yes i do go off kilter often.. but he sees me raw more then not. likes that I am losing weight slowly too. I will be 50 next month and he says I no longer act like an old lady... so it WILL come around..

He is so cute... he listens to my "Did You Know?" statements often... and I even have been getting some comments back.. Whoo hooo! might even call it a conversation.. hey I barely can get mine to talk let alone eat my stuff.. hahaha he is just one of those non-talkers.. but goes through phases..

[aromaticwings]

RP ...
You and Dragggon seem to be made for each other.. you both are fantastic... I have said this before... You are people I would like to have around me more often.. You both are very interesting, fun, and knowlegable. But alas we are parted by miles and miles so.. I will have to enjoy you both from a distance..

Keep that wisdom comming... now if I could just get my freezer full like you have.. I would be doing so good..hahaha.

[rawpriestess]

let me share a little about my philosophy


when I was younger, I would try to do and be what my boyfriend of choice wanted, i.e. if he like to dune buggy, I would dune buggy with him, even though I prefer classic cars to sand rails or baja bugs, and if he liked to hike, I would hike, although I much prefere a fun and short day walk, you see, I kept thinking that I dind't know my own mind, and that I HAD to try new things, and I especially HAD to try whatever my bf wanted to do.

Instead of saying, "no thanks, I'll sit on the beach and catch some rays, you go on ahead and go surfing" , I'd say, "but is it safe? will you help me?" and I'd sound like some wimpy person, instead of the strong individual I am.

I used to do all kinds of things, from drink (and I don't drink) to smoke, (I don't smoke) to sexual things, that I wasn't too excited about, just to be with him, or to try new things that HE wanted to do, I hardly ever did anything I wanted to do.

I had my own power when it came to being a good business person, I could stand up to the renters, the boss, the bank, the accountant, and tell them exactly what I wanted and expected, but to some guy, no way.

NOW, I realize, that no matter how young or old I am, no matter how fat or thin I am, no matter where I live, what I do for a living, or anything at all, I will always have at least 4 or 5 guys hanging around, and for some reason, they are always gorgeous hunky guys, probably because I dated a few that weren't and there just was NOOOOOO sexual atraction, now I'm not hunky, I'm downright fat, and old, but young hunky guys like me, and that is a good thing, because I like them.

Now, it is my choice to be with Dragggon, and it is his choice to be with me, and I do love him deeply, and am willing to be with him as long as I am happy, but I don't look to him to make me happy, I am happy in my own right, and if he chooses to want to be with me, great, and if he doesn't great.

I also may dump him at any minute, if I don't like him anymore. he has the same choices as I do.

And our lifestyle works beautifully together.

Because we reflect each other's love for themselves back to the other person, we also allow each other to be who they are, with no ego attachment, and we don't do anything that would hurt the other, we also worship each other, and truly love each other, for who we are, not what we do, how much money we have, or what we look like (although he does look great!-yummy!!!!!!!!!), but I know that if he got short, fat and bald over night, that I would still love him, I may not want to sleep with him, LOL but I'd still love him. JUST KIDDING.

What I am really saying is this.

Love yourself enough to allow all things to be exactly as they are, if you are fearful that you won't be loved, it is because you feel you are not lovable, if you have issues with jealousy, it is because you fear that you aren't lovable, and ONLY YOU CAN LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO STOP ALL OF THAT FEAR.

I believe that ALL of this life is an illusion, and that we are simply in our own DREAM STATE, so dream big!!!!!