Venting after my non-raw experience

[Elouet]

Please feel free to move or delete this, I just need space to vent.
I often read the boards with haughty confidence, thinking I will never make any BIG mistake, never binge, never stray too far from raw. Well, today I proved myself human. It started wonderfully, I grabbed a Lara Bar and Green Tea and headed to a convention in Chicago with my good friend Cece. We were having a blast, I felt super energetic, was drinking lots of water, and was happy as we headed off to lunch. We went to Camille's Sidewalk Cafe and I scanned the menu. I could easily have ordered any of their salads without meat and cheese or gotten a fresh fruit smoothie but what did I choose? Grilled Veggie Panini. I had never gotten a panini, and I thought it was divine. I felt no discomfort (got it cheese free) and was totally satisfied without guilt. When we returned from the convention, changed, and picked-up my mom from work it was time to decide about dinner. I had been PMSing, was tired and cranky, and stressed about my lack of weight gain in past weeks and started crying in the car. After crying for a while and rambling I mentioned something about chocolate cake. Mom said we couldn't drive to the Cheesecake Factory (our old tradition) but we could go to Baker's Square. I happily agreed!!! When I got home I made a raw almond butter and raw honey sandwich on sprouted bread, then about an hour later ate my piece of Carrot Cake (NOT RAW). I feel like crap now. THe only reassurance I have is my justification of why I ate what I did:
1) Fatigue and stress with no one to talk to
2) PMS (I think, don't know yet)
3) and mainly, I KNOW I NEED TO GAIN WEIGHT which hasn't been happening on raw. But I know it's not being raw that's the problem, it's my continuous refusal to make high-calorie things. WHen I don't know the nutritional information in something because I didn't make it myself, it's easy to pretend and easy to not be afraid. I need to face my fear of gaining weight and eating more than my body "needs" for the day. If I continue to avoid the problem, I will never gain permanent weight.

If anyone reads this crappy post consider answering any or all of these:
a) Is there anything in the peanut butter and carrot cake I might have been craving specifically? If I can target this maybe I can get more of it on raw.
b) what do you do to fight cravings and what are simple recipes I can use when the "I need cake now!" feeling arises?
c) lots of raw recipes are high-calorie, what do you do if you feel guilty?
d) has anyone else (besides Lunar*Fey who I've met, and is awesome!) gone raw for weight gain rather than loss? would you mind sharing your experiences with me?

Thanks for just letting me post this. It means a lot to me.

[honeybee joy]

I have read that your period is a form of detoxing. It brings out old toxins into your body and bloodstream. David Wolfe says that what is in your blood stream you will crave. He says to know that and be prepaired. On my period one time I was actually craving meat. I became a vegetarian for ethical reason so it was really weird to be craving that. I believe it was my body detoxing out old meat. He said cacao beans help with that. They are high in magnisium. (If you eat cacao) On your period you have magnesium deficencies. Greens are high in magnesium too I have heard. He also reccomened to eat avacados because they help balance your hormones.

Don't worry about falling off. This is a journey, not walking a tightrope. :)

[Lunar*Fey]

Hey Elouet,
I know exactly how you feel. I mean with being worried about not gaining weight and all...only for me I just like eat raisins until I'm sick...I really need to start like meditating and yoga and stuff again so that I can bring my mind to peace. I would suggest the same for you too if that kind of stuff works for you :). I also want you to know that ANY time you need to talk to someone just email me! If you have AOL instant messenger my screen name is xChangetheStars. Any time you need to vent just write me an email, I wont mind at all!!! In fact I would love to hear from you. It helps me as well as helping you. So if you feel comfortable telling me things, then PLEASE email me whenever. (my email is nightshade_16@sbcglobal.net ). I know how it is to have so much inside of you with no one to tell. Its terrible and I don't want you to have to continue to go through that!
With the calories, I know how you feel. But I pretty much got over that!! It really is the most amazing feeling. If knowing the number of calories in something is what makes it hard for you try throwing ingredients in without measuring anything or anything and don't even think about calories, look at every option available to you and grab the things that catch your eye the most. Don't worry about the amount of calories (I know, easier said than done, right?). Some days I get like 4000! honestly. I mean I have been eating at least 3000 calories every day and still only maintaining a weight, not gaining. the thing with raw is you just don't have to feel guilty. Everything you are eating is something your body was meant to eat. No guilt needed. I've heard people say you wont gain ugly weight on raw. If you need to gain...eating raw (and getting enough calories) will bring your body to its natural weight. You can do this, I have faith in you. One thing that has helped me is to think of things you really want to do with your life but would be held back by being sick. For example, I really want to be a runner....but I can't with the skeleton of an 80 year old woman....I know that eating a lot of calories is what is helping my body to heal. Think of calories as like, medicine that is healing your body. And remember to address the emotional side of eating too, like try meditation and healing visualizations and stuff. If you don't have time for meditition or something then before you fall asleep at night in bed picture yourself healthy, visualize you with perfect health...glowing, strong, beautiful and connect it with eating enough. I have been meaning to start doing such things as well. Please make sure you are getting enough fats too...remember that raw fats are like any other nutrient...they don't make you fat they simply allow your body to work properly. and avocados, raw nuts and seeds, and such are yummy as well. If you don't get enough fats you might start craving those other things. Hm now that I think about it that could be the problem, your body may need more fats...especially since it is trying to heal and repair the damage of calories restriction and such (I'm guessing). I hope I have helped. Remember, please feel free to email me ANY time you need to talk or just vent or anything.
Good luck with everything. Be strong, I know you can do this!!

love,
Lunar*Fey

[Drawn]

This might sound gross or weird but.....

If I have a serious cooked craving, especially for cheesy or bready things, I can curb those cravings quickly with a tablespoon of coconut or olive oil. It works fast. If Im craving sweet, often a banana will do. If you have the time to prepare, Alissa's fudge balls really help with the chocolate cravings. Prepare those before and keep them around if you can. Another rule of thumb is that when you are craving anything, just eat something/anything raw.

[vegggeeemom]

I agree with what Drawn said. If you are craving anything, just eat ANYTHING raw. Sometimes you may need to eat alot to get rid of that craving.

But, the past few days that is what I've done and it works like a charm every time. Also lots of water!

Don't feel guilty about it either. It's in your past. If you keep looking back to your past and worried about what you did, you will never be able to live in the present.

I learned this principal just recently over a few things.

If you're craving sweet, maybe a banana with almond butter and agave if you're really craving sweet!

Also, Faith4u's chocolate pie is divine. So, have some of that around to help you w/ any cravings. It will take it away, fast! :)

Pam

[Elouet]

Thank you everyone. Your kind words are so reassuring, and you don't even know me but you aid and support me! I feel so much love on this board!

[karenisraw]

Coconut oil helps keep away cravings. I too used to eat coconut oil on a raw cracker when I had a craving and it went away.

k
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