View Full Version : Does Anyone Else Do This???
05-05-2006, 10:31 AM
Actually, I just realized something. Wow. Can't believe it took me all night and all day to realize this. Something changed and I have been consumed with losing weight and I couldn't figure out why. I know what changed. Wow.
Get this, I was feeling great yesterday. My husband had the day off and we were spending it together. I wore a new shirt (tied around the neck and left my shoulders bare) and felt really pretty. Happy with my body (happier than I can ever remember). Anywho...I ran into my cousin at the library. I sat down to talk to her while my husband broused...and she mentioned two things during the converstation. One..."nice top...really shows of your chest!" :rolleyes: (Which I didn't understand because the shirt went all the way up the front to my neck like a turtleneck in the front.) And then later she made the comment that she thinks her 2nd oldest child is built more like me. "Broad shoulders...and large ribcage." :( It instantly shot me down. But I had to agree. My top was a bit revealing (showed my shoulders) and I do have larger shoulders and ribs. So, I just tucked it away in the back of my mind (as always....my extended fam is all consumed with weight). But apparently it really bothered me because I lost all faith in myself and this raw life and was willing to do something more drastic to try and improve my weight quicker so the next time I saw her...she couldn't say that to me. I have to start loving the body God gave me...broad shoulders and all. Her words were just that...words.
What an eye opener though. I know now...when someone says something about my figure...I need to be on my guard. Not to let it affect me mentally and sabotage the good stuff I have accomplished.
Anyone else do this when someone tells you something about your body...you weren't ready to hear?
05-05-2006, 10:49 AM
Good for you for realizing what happened and being able to deal with it. It is very difficult for me as well when people make comments like that. I have been heavy my entire adult life. After losing 50 pounds I actually got more self conscious because people were looking at me differently. I am not sure if that makes sense or not. But I now had unknown males calling me darling and honey which was very troubling to me. When you are very heavy people look at you as a heavy person. It was very hard for me to accept the "new" looks I was getting once I lost weight. It actually scared me a bit and I went into a negative eating pattern to deflect it. I have since got over that and I am ejoying being a healthy eater again.
I just wanted to commend you for coming to terms with what happened so well and for realizing how what a person says to you can affect you and for trying to combat that.
Good for you!
05-05-2006, 10:57 AM
Stand tall, throw back those shoulders and walk proudly, just like all the broad-shouldered fabulous divas from the past like Joan Crawford. Who wants slumped, rounded, hunched over shoulders? :D
05-05-2006, 11:03 AM
Thanks you guys. :) As always you are a great sense of comfort and encouragement for me. (((HUGS)))
05-05-2006, 11:04 AM
To me, it sounds like she made that comment to make YOU doubt yourself because she is jealous that you really DID look good in your top. It's that female pettiness thing, I think as women we keep each other "down" more than men keep us down. Why do some women feel the need to keep others down to try and make themselves feel better? I wish I knew. Either way, it's her issue, not yours. :p
05-05-2006, 11:22 AM
Actually, I have stumped rounded hunched over shoulders. What actually best is that we ignore those who insult us and realize that their intelligence level has simply not evolved to a point they are able to accept that each person is different and no one is any better than another.
I have a grandmother who constantly points out all the family members faults and doesn't seem to think she has any. She pointed out that I have now got a big but and have gained a lot of weight. What I find interesting is that I seemed to have inherited it from her. Go figure.
When people pick out and point out people's flaws, that means that they are insecure with themselves and spend their days noticing people's bodies and picking out little meaningless things to complain about when in reality, there is nothing wrong with you.
Everyone has their individuality and beauty and there is no one set type of body that is anymore beautiful or correct.
Lucky for you, you saw the truth and that is that you are fine, beautiful and attractive the way you are.
I too have had people treat me differently. I used to have compliments like, you should be a model, or you look like a playboy bunny and now since I am 182 lb.s at times I get ignored, dismissed as being unimportant and I think I even heard a moo aimed at me once. Luckily, like yourself, I realized that what other people say or think about you has no bearing on who you are as a person. I have co-workers who did not really take me seriously at first and now they respect and even love me a little because they have gotten to know me better and like the things I have to say and talk about.
You are proud of yourself and know who you are and that is the most important. The person that made these comments simply has not grown enough as a person to see that examining your body and narrating your physical attributes to you is simply a possibly at best slightly interesting hobby that she seems to enjoy within her own apparently limited spectrum of intellect. If she were more evolved, she would realize it is impossible for every human being to be completely the same or perfect and also that saying anything about differences in people is not going to change anything so why would you bother anyway. I don't think this person has quite learned this yet.
You are beautiful the way you are and I am the way I am the important thing is that you are happy and comfortable with yourself and that is all you need to listen to on that topic.
THAT IS so hard to hear--sorry she said that. I am so sensitive too and it would effect me. All i can say is that criticism--however slight--says more about THEM than you. She is obviously insecure about herself or really hard on herself about HER body.
Say a little "god BLESS " her prayer and hopefully the feelings will pass.
Maybe also look at it as a challenge to feel good about yourself OVERALL-NO MATTER what others say.
(((((((((HUGS))))))))))) and a HIGH 5 for your progress.
05-05-2006, 01:04 PM
I have to agree with sugar, there's something driving a comment like that, and it isn't about you.
As for shoulders, my goodness, women pay extra for those pads in jackets and shirts and such. I have broad shoulders and I put those things on and look like a linebacker!!! Hahahahaaa. All I need is a helmet and knee pads and spiked sneakers. First thing I do when I get a new jacket is cut those suckers out and throw them away.
You're right, G-d gave you your body and He wants you to enjoy it!
05-05-2006, 01:14 PM
Sugaraddict~ As I thought about what you said and why she would say these things...I realized it probably is her issue. I believe you are right. ;)
Karenisraw~ I too grew up with very critical grandparents and father. When I met my husband...I was an insecure mess. But he has helped me grow and blossom. He encourages and loves me just as I am. Proud when I make changes for the better and helpful when I'm floundering. He is truly my helpmate. :) I think he made all the difference in how I see myself. Because when I look at me...through his eyes...I see something more than anyone else has seen in me my whole life. That enabled me to see myself...really see me...and I like what I see. I'm human...not perfect...having flaws, but I'm me. That's huge considering where I came from. :) I don't ever want to return to what I was. Moving forward is very important for me.
(I too am built exactly like my grandmother. :p )
JMD~Having said what I said in the previous paragraph...I know my cousin...(I love her dearly.) She has huge insecurity issues. Thinking back to our many talks...I'm reminded of all of them. It breaks my heart to think how she must still feel about herself. Because I have moved forward (somewhat obviously), I think I just assume everyone is trying to. :o I guess not, huh!?!? I'm definitely going to say a prayer for her. (Many of them.) ;) No woman should have to feel that way about herself. Maybe...if she sees that there is something different about me...she will ask what has changed...and then I can share some things about eating raw with her.
Thank you everyone. Your words have really, really encouraged me. (((HUGS)))
I appreciate your comments...keep going with your progress and hopefully in time you will inspire her.
You are doing great!!! inside and out. The longer you are RAW you may notice lots of insights from within.
Have a blessed day...
I know for me...the GB tool helps--which is GOD BLESSING whomever I feel some arrgrivation with. I do it everyday until the feelings pass. It REALLY works....
05-05-2006, 01:47 PM
Although it's not based on anything "raw", it's based one life and self-development. It's a great read! And highly recommended by my peers.
What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business by Terry Cole Whittaker
05-05-2006, 02:01 PM
Look at any classic painting by Da Vinci and many other great artists. The women are so beautiful and they all have broad shoulders. Goddesses have curves :) It's a good thing.
Sharon in Colorado
05-05-2006, 02:59 PM
Maybe I am dense but I don't see the insult? I have broad shoulders and a pretty wide ribcage (If I wore a bra, it'd be like a 38AA because there's very little in the front). I wonder if that style top makes those features more prominent. I have actually told some folks that my ribcage/back is really wide but they don't believe me because of my height.
I guess it is like when people use to tell me "Wow, you're tall" and I'd think, well, DUH yes I'm 6'0 tall...they are just stating the obvious.
It sounds like that just might be your bone structure, not a weight issue? Maybe it is the way it was said to you?
05-05-2006, 03:35 PM
JMD~ (((HUGS))) Thank you, GB. ;)
One Life To Live~ I will definitely get this book. Thanks! :D (Love books that are inspirational and educational...life changing...etc...)
Shadow~ (((HUGS))) Thank you. :)
Sharon~ My family just happens to be very outspoken. So, anything that they think comes right out of their mouths. Secondly, if I were 6', I would hope that my shoulders were a bit broad. You must be gorgeous! :)
However, I am only 4' 9 1/2" tall. So, I always felt I should be a bit more petite than I am. Simply, I didn't take offense to her stating the truth...I was just feeling so good, that it had slipped my mind to be insecure...until she said what she said. That's all. Then I reacted as I would have before raw (which is to think of a way to lose weight quickly...not healthy...just quick). After a night and day...I realized this and stopped my normal course...and chose a healthier one. To stick with raw...inspite of old bad habits because it is working when nothing else ever has. On more than just my weight. I started this thread wondering if anyone else did this to themselves. ;) But I have received a lot of feedback. So, thank you everyone.
05-05-2006, 06:49 PM
Deborah, how I missed your reply the first time...I'm not sure, but I laughed out loud when I saw just now! :-D I do the same thing...I even did in the 80's! No shoulder pads for this chick! Thank you...that's awesome. LOL
05-06-2006, 12:31 AM
I have broad shoulders, and I am proud of them,
even when I was very young, and very thin, I wore a larger size because of my shoulders,
halter tops looked especially great on me, and I used to wear them often.
I agree, shoulders back, head up and walk tall.
You deserve to be proud of your beautiful physique
05-06-2006, 07:27 AM
I have worked hard in the gym for years to get my shoulders built up so I have shoulders that look great sleeveless. I had thin arms and shoulders as a teenager and it made me look very fragile. Adding shoulder size helped me with that ! Be proud of them !!!!
05-06-2006, 08:25 AM
Maybe she might have felt threatened that you felt confident enough to wear the shirt inspite of your you having broad shoulders and a bigger ribcage. She might not understand it, due to the fact that your extended fam is self concious about weight issues. I know this sounds really different, but next time complement her on something about her body. That might build her up and in return she will feel beautiful and build you back up. It is weird, but when we feel ugly, we project our uglyness and uncomfortable feelings onto others.
05-06-2006, 12:53 PM
RP~ Rawfigure~ Thank you :)
Honeybee Joy~ Very good advice...that I have always followed. ;) I love my friends and family and want them to always know that I think the best of them. I don't think I ever get done hugging them and saying hi without saying..."Your hair looks so nice...or I love your new outfit!" I try to notice what they have done to make themselves look nice. We are women and need that .... you know I think I even do that with my guy friends. I have two in particular that are very fashion conscious...and I always compiment them on a new outfit or shirt...or new glasses. People have feelings...we should be sensitive to them and encourage one another in anyway we can. Very good advice.
Thank you everyone who replied to this post. Good advice...encouraging words...good friends! Thank you. :)
05-06-2006, 03:34 PM
Originally Posted By ShelShel
I don't think I ever get done hugging them and saying hi without saying..."Your hair looks so nice...or I love your new outfit!" I try to notice what they have done to make themselves look nice. We are women and need that .... you know I think I even do that with my guy friends.
I do that stuff too. I can't help it. Sometimes I think I do it too much and I get embarrassed about it. Oh well, it's me. :D
05-06-2006, 03:39 PM
I think it is very kind...and so are you for doing it! ;) We all need encouragement. Thankfully there are people out there like you. :)
05-07-2006, 01:00 PM
Whoa hold up here...WHAT is wrong with broad shoulders and a large ribcage?? So she could see both clearly? Take it around girl! I've ALWAYS been proud of my large shoulders that showed off my model like stature. I've ALWAYS loved large ribcages, it makes your tummy look smaller and it makes you have a great ability to breathe fully and deeply. Expand those lungs. That's like a model here. Whenever I paint or draw I give girls whatever figure I want, but they always always have broad shoulders and large ribs. It's a beautiful sign. Want no ribs? No shoulders? Bah. She chose two things that stood out, so remember, shoulders back chest out. ^_~ Take pride in knowing that your body is PERFECT. Now, larger, smaller, whatever it is it is yours and no one elses and for that it is flawless.
*big shouldered, ribbed gal in CA*
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