I've failed and I need support getting back to where I was!

[vegggeeemom]

I may ramble with this post, but I am just so heavy hearted today. I am so sad that I have let life get in the way of my healthy eating.

Since December I have been through the ringer physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I let all my problems get in the way and I found my way back to SAD eating and binging.

I would eat when I wasn't hungry and would eat just because it tasted good.

I am sitting here bawling my eyes out seeing what I have let myself become again.

I took down all my pictures, my journal, my feedback, everything because I was so embarrased that I had slipped back into the SAD world and had become the person that I was trying to not ever become again.


Through my journey back to the SAD world, and the overeating and weight gain and lack of self worth, I have lost myself. How can being overweight and eating SAD make me lose my self worth and self esteem?

Boy, I must have some huge issues to deal with that need to be purged with a raw diet.

I want back the feeling that I was looking good, feeling good, doing for my body what nothing else could do for my body like raw can.

I felt on Wednesday that I was going to come back to raw. I wanted to do it that day, but had no money in the account.

I am going shopping today and I am stocking up on raw foods.

I will probably start journaling again and keeping track of my weight loss with pictures. May not post them right away due to embarrasment in myself where I went back to.

But, will anyone here help me with this journey back to self discovery? I am asking for ANYONE to extent a hand to help me get back to where I was at. I can't do it alone and I have noone in my real life that really believes in me.

I believe in myself enough to do this for the last and final time. This is it.

Well, before I babble on and make even more of a fool of myself I have to let you all know that I am recommitting myself to raw! I HAVE to do it. Not for anyone else, but for me.

Pam

[tvillemom]

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} to you Pam! There are days when I am just where you are!!! I am trying so hard to get back to 100%...there are days when I'm 90% and days when I'm 1% :(
Guess what??!!! Today is a BRAND NEW DAY!!! Jump for joy!! I am so glad to see you here! At least you know "the way out" of food addiction, poor health, depression, etc. That is a HUGE bonus! Stop punishing yourself for what you feel is failure, and celebrate the fact that you have the knowledge to correct it!! I would love to check in here with you (providing my computer doesn't crash!) Daily??? Several times a day??? What do you need?? I need a buddy that will look for me, and ask me what I'm eating and how I'm doing, to keep me accountable. I would even exchange emails. Let me know.
Relax, cut yourself a break and eat whatever beautiful food you want today to celebrate your new beginning!!! I just love a new beginning :D ......wipe your slate clean!!!!
Wendi :D

[squidly]

Hi Pam

firstly big hugs...........no don't let go yet...............just rest and let it out.............still hugging...............hope you feel a little better. Now as we part a little and look at each other I smile and look into your eyes....................still I have my hand on you.....................

"You are never alone on this path and never a solitary figure. Your path is well trodden by those before you and will be by those after you. Many of us have lost count of the times that we have fallen and stood again. Still I struggle each day (especially tonight) but together we stand and know that the only time we fail is the day that we never get up again.

You have not failed, you have not let anyone down. You have merely fallen and are asking for a hand up so please take my hand and lets walk this path together. We may fall again but always someone here will reach out, hold your hand and walk with you for as long as you need.

Right now I am holding your hand - and you mine as we continue along our path..........picking berries in the fields, apples fom the trees, greens from the bushes and nuts and leaves. Our faces to the sun feeling the warmth on our skin, the caress of a gentle breeze in our hair and with each second we feel stronger, stand taller and smile a more. This is our path, slip and fall we may but never alone or down to we stay.

Hugs to you. Together we will journey! Let the sun guide us and the rain make us stronger.

[ChaiLife]

Pam,
I add my HUG to those already given. I KNOW what you are feeling. It is so easy to slip and then there is that awful feeling of guilt. BUt I agree, today is a brand new day. The past is in the past. Don't chain it to your leg by your feelings of guilt. Cut it loose and begin today to live. Don't look backward but forward!
This is a time to rejoice! You have felt raw and have felt SAD. That should make your commitment that much easier to keep. Look forward as you heal your body and soul. It is ok to look back and learn from it, but don't look back and hold on to it through feelings of guilt.

It is so great to have a community like this to get support from. Everyone has abandoned ship from time to time. (or at least most) I know that Alissa even went on, off, on, off for a while. It's hard! It's a process. Recognize what happened as part of the process and continue to build yourself. Being able to recognize the "slip" as part of learning and the process will help you grow so much.

Something that is starting to help me is to identify the reasons "why" I eat the things I do and why do I crave certain foods. What part of the day am I the weakest? (evening) And what situations cause me to overeat? After I have recognized my weak areas, I can prepare for them. In the evening, I know I better have some food ready early or there is a good chance that I will turn into the Incredible Hulk and burst through a Taco Bell or something. It ain't pretty! You won't like me when I'm hungry. (haha)

The most important thing is that you are back.
Now keep your journal and post pictures. Don't be ashamed. It's not necessary here.

Kelly

[faith4u]

Pam,

Here's another big {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}. Please don't beat yourself up you are only human.

Today is a NEW day, praise the Lord!!

Take every day one step at a time. You can do it.

Keep your chin up! :D

[cornvalley]

But, will anyone here help me with this journey back to self discovery? I am asking for ANYONE to extent a hand to help me get back to where I was at.

Hi Pam. I know from my own experiences it takes years and years of trial AND error to get to the comfort zone with this way of life. Truth is that you don't want to go back to where you were cause you'd just end up back here and now again anyway :D
You are discovering yourself all the time, warts and all. Self acceptance and moving forward, taking with you the experience of some failures and some successes.
Courageous of you too share it all.
Blessings to you.

[blessed]

:) :) Be encouraged, don't worry about it do what you can and be grateful for which you can do. I try to live by this principal, it's working for me.
When you like who you are and you feel good then that's a good thing.
I don't beat myself up and i don't allow others to do it. When you are ready you will get back to where you want to be, take it slow, as my husband says you didn't get to where you are in a day and you won't get to where you want to be in that same day.
I've learned to live each day and make the most of it, so don't worry be happy.
The sun is shining here and I'm planting my garden that is a good place to start if possible, seeing things grow veggies and fruit, you'll be surprised how good it will feel to eat fresh garden grown food. Go for it and you'll be back where you want to be in no time.

Ann

[EmeraldGlow]

HUUUUUGS to ya Pam!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't be embarrassed! This is your journey and we would be more than happy to see the thoughts, struggles, AND your accomplishments! Thats what makes a journey... A journey! And it's all yours to have and experience for yourself! One step closer to another day and getting through all the bumps in the road is another step closer to your goal at the end of the road! With each bump back you are recognizing how much more you want this and each time you are getting stronger and stronger!!! I am so exctied for you! Embrace every new morning with a smile, :) have joy and invite fun and laughter over to play and hang out with you through out your day!

Take it every meal at a time.

We all love you and are here for you!!!

:: :p :: :D :: :) ::

[NFrawRUNNER]

Your post caught my attention as I am fighting cravings lately after being highly raw for over 8 months???? But don't you just LOVE this forum.. No one judges. We're only here for each other with one common goal- to live a clean and healthy life. Of course anything good has obstacles! And in our society there are plenty of obstacles in our way to "tempt" us! especially when $ is an issue...It's CHEAPER to be SAD isn't it......But we all know in the long run it's not....sorry I ramble...I am here for you as we all are!!!! PM me if you want to "spur" each other on!!!! Every day is a new day!!!!!! :) :)

[greenfeline]

Hugs to you!!

A good way of thinking of setbacks is not to think of them. It is over now. Today is a new day. Think about committing yourself to positive eating choices today. Living in the past will hurt you. Trust me I know. Today is all we have, so do your best today and everyday. :D

[rawpriestess]

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
and more
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

there is no failure, ONLY feedback, now you know what NOT to do. so it is so much easier this time.

You are in a great place, because you are acknowledging exactly where you are, and what you did that didn't work.

we've all been there, and some of us will be there again. YIKES!

but, that is what this board is for, to help each other.

we may not live near each other, we may not get together over a smoothie, we may not gab on the phone, or go running together, but we ARE a family.

and so I want to say, I'm here with you, all the way, come hell or high water, I'm holding your hand, walking arm in arm and I'm giving you that great big smile, that let's you know that I understand.

[vegggeeemom]

Thank you all so very much for your support and for your love! I appreciate it so much.

I was not expecting for more then one or two hands to be extended, but I will take all the help and accountability that I can get.

To those of you that offered to keep in touch through email, I will email you probably on Monday. Weekends can get pretty busy, so unless I get a free moment to get an email out to you, I will indeed email you Monday!

I talked with sweet Cherie yesterday and oh my gosh. That helped me so much! I think I did most of the talking, but she gave me some great advise and support and wisdom! She is a wonderful woman to engage in conversation with and I appreciate her so very much!

I had an AWESOME day yesterday. I craved something awful last night about 11, but so busy reading on the forum that by the time I was all ready to go and get it, they were closed! Praise God! Because I would have justified it by saying oh I'll REALLY start on the 1st of May. But, then I went to bed and woke up this morning without an feelings of guilt!

I feel just so happy that I opened myself up and was vulnerable! Noone knows your needs if you keep it to yourself. I am one that needs support through alot of things, and finding my way back is just one of them!

Anyways, I had an ALL RAW DAY yesterday!

Thank you all for your support, your love, words of wisdom and the encouragement to get back in this race!

Pam

[faith4u]

Pam,

I am so glad you are feeling better emotionally.

Hey before you get another late night craving you need to make some fudge balls or some truffles and put them in your freezer. That is how I made it through. I would often go to the freezer in the middle of the night when those cravings hit or during the day etc... Of course, I don't do that anymore but it really helped me get through the cravings.

[kmik]

Pam, I'm so glad you made it back to the board... this is where you belong :)

You're off to a great start! Just remember, a stumble does not a faliure make! Just keep focused long term, and keep coming back here! We'll help you get through anything.

[vegggeeemom]

Faith4u, you are right. I need to make some things to help with those cravings! I KNOW they are going to come and I need to be prepared for them. Yes, I feel so much better emotionally.

Kmik, thank you so much for your encouragement. You look great btw! :)

Pam

[pamojamo]

Pam.
I'm going to do a 30-day challenge beginning May 1. Me, the one who does not feel she can do anything for 30 days! Well, I am actually going to do 30 one-day challenges in a row (does that ring any bells for you?)
Let's do this together.
Pam

[vegggeeemom]

Pam!!!

Hey, I am so glad that you replied to my post! Yes it does ring a bell!! :) :) :) You are SO right, ONE DAY AT A TIME!

That is so exciting that you are going to do a 30 day challenge come May 1st. I am too! Yeah!

Yes, let's do this together and we will do it one day at a time!

Pam

[vegggeeemom]

Pam,

Here's the link to MH's May 30 day challenge! http://www.rawfoodtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=13882

Go sign up if you want..we need more cheerleaders! :)

Pam

[yogamama]

I'm a total newbie here....please, count me in on the 30 day challenge. I feel like I need support to do this...

Thanks...

Karen

[Svadhyaya]

know that the only time we fail is the day that we never get up again.

Squidley posted this and it is so, so very true.

Please don't measure your worth by how raw you are, or by how much you weigh, or by how much or what you eat. All that stuff isn't YOU. Cut away everything except living one breath at a time and living comfortably with your decisions (including the decision to eat a slice or three of gooey cheese pizza eaten for all the wrong reasons.) What's done is done - let it go and move on. The more we ponder our errors, the more we'll surely repeat them.

Self-acceptance is the world's most rare and precious treasure.
Even the most immaculate willpower and pure raw diet with a perfect body to match won't earn us this elusive blessing. Accepting yourself is a beautiful everyday rebellion against all that is wrong in this world.

Best of luck getting back on track.
Walk tall....looking at yourself with compassion and love.

[vegggeeemom]

know that the only time we fail is the day that we never get up again.

Squidley posted this and it is so, so very true.

Please don't measure your worth by how raw you are, or by how much you weigh, or by how much or what you eat. All that stuff isn't YOU. Cut away everything except living one breath at a time and living comfortably with your decisions (including the decision to eat a slice or three of gooey cheese pizza eaten for all the wrong reasons.) What's done is done - let it go and move on. The more we ponder our errors, the more we'll surely repeat them.

Self-acceptance is the world's most rare and precious treasure.
Even the most immaculate willpower and pure raw diet with a perfect body to match won't earn us this elusive blessing. Accepting yourself is a beautiful everyday rebellion against all that is wrong in this world.

Best of luck getting back on track.
Walk tall....looking at yourself with compassion and love.

Thank you so much for this post! I have realized just since Friday that I have had to come to accept msyelf for who I am here and now. Not who I want to be later.

I have made people miserable around me because I was so uncomfortable with myself and was only reflecting my bad body image and my self worthlessness onto them.

I was actually being very selfish and thankfully it lasted just a few days, not a few months.

I feel like just in the few days that I've been back here and been doing raw, that I am accepting me for who I am now.

What a great thread with some wonderful replies! I have read them often! :)

Pam

[gatorgrrl]

I'm here for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!