Need some support :( ...I admit...

[Lunar*Fey]

(I don't know if this is in the right place, sorry if it isn't and, of course, feel free to move it!)

I'm sorry to complain, I just need to tell this to someone who will understand. I was going to watch the second disc of Alissa's DVD tonight, and my mom heard me say I was going to put it on and said No. So I politely asked her why not and she was like because its that stupid raw thing. So I said okayyy. I probably shouldn't have, but I said something like "do you not like the idea of raw?" and she said something that meant no. So I said (in a very kind and curious voice although I probably shouldnt have said anything at all) "How can you know you don't like the idea of it if you don't really know anything about it?" and then my mom's husband who was laying on a chair in the living room said in his harsh, growly, rude, voice (with attitude) "stop it Bristol" He just kept saying that to me. it makes me feel like I just shouldn't talk anymore. my opinion means absolutely nothing...my opinion is no longer valued at all! It makes me want to cry in frustration. I'm not alowed to have an opinion because I had an eating disorder. To them this means that my opinion is only my eating disorder. They can't blame the person I am on an eating disorder forever. It's like they don't want to admit that I'm different, that I see things differently, that I have different taste. They blame my differences, my abnormality, on my disorder. Well guess what, this is me finding myself again! The opposite of my disorder. I don't even feel the disorder in my head any more...not at all! It's amazing and wonderful! Scarey at first because, as hard as it is to admit, a disorder is a hard thing to let go of. It gives you something that is certain, something that is yours, something that is always with you. But its terrible and I don't want it and it doesn't control me any more! It's absolutely amazing! But my mom doesn't believe me. She doesn't want to believe that maybe, just maybe, it's BRISTOL(me) who wants to be RAW...not the eating disorder. She doesn't want to think that maybe its her daughter that is so weird, her daughter that believes in a god and goddess, her daughter that wants optimal health, her daughter that picks dandelion greens and eats them (by the way when she found this out she got all concerned and told me I was going to die...where does she think vegetables come from when you buy them from the store?), her daughter that is so unique, not her disorder. My mom can't afford to feed me. I know shes under so much stress and she has so much to worry about and I feel terrible. That's what makes it so hard to ask to go grocery shopping or anything because I can see the look in her eyes, and the sound of her voice. I can't help that I have to eat so much, I can't. No matter what I ate it would be expensive to feed me. Especially since they still make just as much food at dinner as they did when I ate what they made and my brother lived here...I guess they are just eating more now without realizing it. If they would just be open minded to RAW, at least read about it....maybe it would make things easier. I would LOVE to see my mom raw. She is gorgeous but I see the signs of aging in her now. She's 37, but I think I have aged her a lot because of all the worry and stress I have caused. She now has puffy bags under her eyes and her face looks drawn, tight, so stressed all the time. Ok ok I can't control her so I'll stop talking about that. It's just so hard because I know I need to eat, but once I finish all the RAW food in the house, well I need more. We bought 3 big bunches of bananas at the Costcos when we went with my grandma (i think it was the end of last week) and theres only one banana left. She's like I spent $77 on groceries for you last week and you already need more? It makes me feel so terrible for having to eat so much! so terrible. I just want to cry. I don't know what to do. I need to make my own money, that would help. but she would have to drive me to babysit or wherever. My doctor tells me and her that this is all just part of my disorder. She tells us that cows milk and animal products are the best possible sources of protein and calcium, that I should be eating butter, and that I am extremely restricting myself. I know this isn't true but argueing would just get me in more trouble. Whenever I try to stand up for myself or give them my opinion they just *tsk tsk* and shake their heads with sympathy and sorrow...poor ignorant girl, doesn't know what she's say, its all her disorder. its just so frustrating. I can feel the difference, this is not my disorder! I know it, I can truly honestly FEEL it. I just wish someone else could see this. And I feel so good eating raw. For once I am slowly gaining weight and don't feel horrible and sick doing it! I just couldn't go back, I just couldn't do that to myself. But this is so discouraging...everything is horrible. I'm sorry this is so long, I could probably go on and on for hours....but I won't bore you any longer. Does anyone have any advice, criticism, support, comments, ideas? anything you want to throw at me. thank you so much, and so sorry again for the length!

[Sharon in Colorado]

I am sorry you are being misunderstood. It sounds like there are some communication challenges in the family. On the plus side, she knows you are eating a lot, so that is good.

A few things you can do:

Get her the book "The China Study" it is an in depth book on health info with tons of research written by an M.D. There are tons of studies done on how plant foods are a better source of protein and calcium than animal foods.

Check out every raw book from the library and leave them on the kitchen table. She will pick at least one up and realize you don't have an eating disorder.

Send her websites with before and afters of people with lots of health problems healing on raw.

I could chat with her if you'd like. My e-mail is rawcurls@msn.com I am raw because I have a genetic high cholesterol disorder, so I do this for health reasons.

[Amberly]

Hey! I'm not sure exactly what to say now, except that I hope you stay raw despite what they are saying. I would SERIOUSLY try blending greens with fruit. Do you have a blender. It's a fabulous way to get alot of greens in and really absorb them.

Good Luck and do what you feel is right for you. ;)

[Mookie]

Would you consider letting your mom read this post?

[Gosia]

Dear Lunar*Fey,

It is so hard to talk to those who have a mind set on something. I know it well. I used to be like that. I used to think that raw was wrong, and no-one would convince me otherwise, until I decided to have a go myself. So, you are in a very difficult position here. I can understand that your parents are worrying about you. I wonder whether there is any chance of reassuring them?

There is plenty of evidence that raw foods help achieving healthy weight. Of course, there are plenty of stories of those who were overweight, and lost weight on raw. But the other way around as well! For example, on http://www.howIgainedweith.com, there is a story of a young woman, who used to be painfully skinny due to her various allergies, and has gained weight thanks to raw food diet. I personally met on-line a young woman who recovered from anorexia thanks to raw foods. Perhaps you could get in touch with her for some support? (She is a member of SF Bay Area Raw Food forum at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SFBayAreaRaw/messages/1?viscount=100, and her name is Luskinia.)

There are athletes and even body builders who eat 100% raw vegan diet, and enjoy perfect health as well as great performance (see the link to Fruit Lovers Summit below). There are plenty of fantastic healing stories out there too. The trouble is that the world does not know about them... :( Well, I hope this will change in time. :) I certainly want to help in spreading the word!

My guess is that if you try to push your views on your parents too hard, they will oppose. But perhaps, if they see that you are really getting better, they will open up your minds?

All the best,
Gosia.

[Lunar*Fey]

Sharon in Colorado,
Thank you so much, your suggestions are really helpful. :) I would love for you to talk to my mom! Only thing is she doesn't exactly know I'm a part of a forum. She might not like that...I have no idea.

Amberly,
I have a blender so I will try that :). Thank you very much :) .

Mookie,
I would, but I don't think she knows that I'm on a forum. I don't think she'd like that very much, I admit. Maybe I could print it out and just show her and not tell her it was written to a forum...or maybe I could write her an email....

[Lunar*Fey]

Gosia,
Wow thank you so much. :) I will try and get in touch with the woman you spoke of. I tihnk what I will do is write my mom a nice email. I have tried talking to her and it doesn't work...she gets flustered with worry and gets this look in her eyes and I can just sense like waves of fear and anger and frustration and worry and stubborness just flowing off her...and I get nervous and upset and then have trouble expressing what I am trying to say. I think an email would be good. And I can include links and things for her to look at. I try not to push my views on them, when a time comes up where it seems appropriate to share my opinion I do, but maybe I am wrong, maybe I am giving too much of my opinion without realizing it or something. I will have to try to make sure I don't at all.

Thank you so much Gosia:)

[heabrook]

An eating disorder does not define a person. People change.

It seems to me that they believe that you ARE a walking, talking, breathing eating disorder. What they don't understand is that you had an eating disorder. Those are obviously two different things. No one IS anything. Some people do have problems and challenges but it does not mean they always will.

The communication aspect in your family seems very poor. I doubt that you can tell them how you feel?

The problem is --- it seems --- is that they don't take you seriously. They see you as a child --- but worse, as a child who had an eating disorder.

My advice.. keep doing what you are doing. Stand firm for what you believe in. They cannot take away what you believe nor can they control that.

:(

You have to stay positive in the face of adversity. Also, you shouldn't take it personally. People often get angry at others because they are unhappy with themselves. When your step-dad gets angry with you, just shrug it off and don't let it affect you.

[Lunar*Fey]

Heabrook,
You said it perfectly, it seems to me they view me this way as well...even if they don't necessarily mean to. thank you so much, it feels good to hear someone other than myself confirm that I truly am not just a disorder. if this is true thank you :) I realize you are completely right, they do see me as a child and do not take me seriously at all. My mom has always sort of been like this. Anyway, thank you so much. I will stand firm in what I believe in. I used to really really let my step dads yelling get to me...but hes gotten slightly better since his anger management classes my mom made him take. Now I try not to let it get to me so much, which has helped with my depression. The depression gave me a lack of appetite which led to weight loss which led to the development of my disorder in the first place.

all I can say is thank you :)

[heabrook]

You must know that you are not just a disorder. Anyone here will agree that you are a bright and wonderful young lady. You should be proud of yourself for taking to the raw lifestyle and wanting to be open to something new.

I never had an eating disorder, but I've had countless people think that I do
:rolleyes: These were all people that hardly knew me and judged me because I am so petite and don't eat the way they do. It is frustrating, but I have learned not to care because they are hurting themselves more by allowing themselves to judge people.

I can understand your depression and how it caused you to have a reduced appetite. Through my college years, I was so stressed out and often times couldn't eat because of it. I was one of those students that had to have an "A" :rolleyes: I graduated with a 3.95 and a lot of stress to show for it :eek:

Just have fun with it..... you know? don't let anyone drag you down... You seem so excited about the raw lifestyle and nothing should change that -- no matter what anyone says. You can take others opinions with a grain of salt. You should always respect people because they have the right to their opinions but you don't have to give in to them or support them.

[EmeraldGlow]

Lunar*Fey,

I really dislike when peoples own issues get in the way of other peoples progression. But, here (http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/littlesoul&thesun.htm) is a story that really helps me put things in perspective when other people around me are really getting to me. It's a story called The Little Soul & The Sun (http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/littlesoul&thesun.htm). I hope this might help shine some light on everything!

Do you have friends that you can talk to about you being raw (Other than all the ones you have on this board o'course! :p )?

Just a thought...How are things with your therapist? Does your therapist understand that raw isn't bad and that you don't have your dis-order anymore?? I'm thinking that if your therapist at least understands that, and tells your parents maybe they wouldn't worry as much??

If your mom really knew about the board do you think she would ban you from the computer? I really hope it doesn't ever come to that. But, if it ever comes to that I think it might be a good idea to get email addy's from ppl on the boards that you can talk to so you aren't left without anyone from here to talk to about stuff. You can totally email me anytime at emeraldsglow@yahoo.com, ok? It's totally cool.

I wish I lived closer to ya! We could get together and do stuff! Did you ever find out about any raw potlucks around your area? Would your mom be open to going with you to one?

Have faith and believe in yourself. You've got a big raw family that believes in you here! Remember to have fun with whatever you have and all that you have!! Just keep on being the good example that you are being to your family - even if they can't see it now they will see it later and will thank you for it. Much love to you!! ~**hugs**~

::: :) :) :) :::

[veggie]

My heart really goes out to you. I too have recovered from an eating disorder and have had to deal with disapproving family members who won't even listen to reason. It's sad really, and it's ultimately their loss.
I will definitely pray for you and your family. I know it's hard enough to recover as it is. You're finally on the right track for you and are getting all this opposition. :( Have you tried going to an alternative type of doctor such as a naturopathic physician? It sounds like your mom may be opposed to anything non-traditional, though. Hopefully, she will begin to realize that you are recovering with this lifestyle and see it as positive as opposed to so outlandish.
Well, many prayers to you, and stick with it. As mentioned in an earlier response to your post, I think green smoothies would help you stay full longer and result in less trips to the store. Have you tried raw hemp protein powder also? It's very filling...I add it to my green smoothies.
Keep us posted on your progress, and I know it will get better for you!

[pdx kris]

It is so hard to recover from an eating disorder and have people understand our new food plans if they view them as extreme.

I am also a recovered (recovering, it never really goes away, does it?) anorexic. The thing I had to explain to people in my life who felt this was just another way to control my food was that in addition to all of the health benefits of eating raw, it is a way that I can eat abundantly and stay thin, but not overly skinny. I've always felt comfortable eating raw, and I never felt like I was eating too much, which for an anorexic is HUGE. You need to find a way to convey to your family that you are eating and that you need them to meet you halfway.

Lunar, it will take a long time for your family to come around, but they love and care about you and that is where their concern stems from. Are you working with a therapist or nutritionist to come up with your food plan? I know I did after I started getting treatment, and it really helped the people in my life to understand that I WAS eating by showing them my food plan and how it was abundant in calories, even though it was all raw. It took my mom about a year to fully accept my style of eating, but once she realized that I was eating and that I had achieved a healthy weight, she finally "got" it.

[honeybee joy]

I think that when people see raw fooders eat, they could think they have a eating disorder. I think in society, alot of people eat alot of food. They think they need lots. I know I eat a lot less raw than when I ate cooked. I have concerns that people will think I am anorexic. I have people that tell me that salad is not a meal. They say it is the start of a meal. What can ya do? I don't live my parents anymore so I don't have to worry about people telling me how to live, but it does hurt sometimes when you know they are thinking "gosh, why does she not eat anything anymore". And thinking that you have a problem. I know this is not a solution to your problems, just a acnowledgement.
I am sorry that you are suffering thru this. :(

[Autumn]

Since the others have addressed your family's misunderstanding of raw and your reasons for doing so, I wanted to address some of the other concerns in your post.

You mentioned that your mom is stressed because she is spending so much to feed you, and that if you babysat she would have to drive you. I wanted to suggest some other ways in which you can either provide or partially pay for your own food. Perhaps if she saw just how serious you are about this, she would be willing to learn more about it.

You are in high school, correct? Can you tutor someone for money? type papers? Can you offer services to people in your neighborhood like cleaning their basements or garages? mowing laws? walking their dogs?

There are a lot of threads on this board about saving money on raw foods. Is there a farmer's market nearby, an organic co-op? Can you start a small garden in your yard or patio (container gardening?)

And this is a long term suggestion: study hard, get good grades so you can get a good job, your own place, and your own food! :D

[dreamrawalwz]

hi there again! I'm sorry you're having such difficulty with your mom.You are NOT your disorder. My mom thought it was another restricting thing for me at first and didn't support it, but as she saw progress she welcomed it and made sure I stayed raw knowing what fall off the wagon would do to me. Have you ever said anything to the extent of "mom, if it is so wrong and a form of an eating disorder, then why are there SO many people on the raw lifestlye that are thriving? Why are there so many scientific books out about raw? If I were still anorexic or restricting I wouldn't be eating xyz" It does seem that no matter how much she's resisting your change that you're still trying to be as raw as possible and that's great! Keep emailing me if you'd like!

[karenisraw]

LunarFey,

First of all, I had a similar experience with my boyfriend. He thought all of my efforts and interest in eco-friendly, environmentalism, sustainability etc. was "stupid" and not worth worrying about because "we are all going to die anyway", and "humans are going to end up killing ourselves anyway."

First of all, I would write a note to them about it.

Second, I had bulemia for six years when I was younger. I have recently learned some things about my body and biochemistry that make me wonder if the bulemia was from a combination of lack of absorbtion of nutrients from my food and slow metabolism. When I was very young, about first grade, I began to notice that I would eat more than the other kids, even my older brothers. I felt like a little piggy, and my parents would say only to eat my share but I would fell scared that I needed more and would not get enough. I noticed I was getting a little chubby feeling. Even when I was that young, I began to not eat as much as I desired or craved. Eventually, when I was sixteen, I developed severe bulemia. I literally thought, "I am going to do this because then I can eat as much as I want to satisfy my cravings, and then I will throw it up so I don't get fat". There were some things that happened in our family that were traumatic, so I it may have been partially due to that, but maybe it is all physical.

I had constant depression. I have recently discovered and my raw vegan doctor suffested that I may have a problem absorbing enough nutrients from my food. This would explain why I felt the urge to keep eating more and more food even though I was full. And it did make me happy to eat large amounts of food. I have discovered however that when I take suppliments, especially B-12 methylcobalamin, I become very happy and cured of depression. As well, my metabolism is very slow and I have always gained weight, even if just eating salads and very little cheese.

Since going 100% raw, I have discovered that my obsession with food seems to have completely disappeared and I no longer worry about getting enough. I am very happy and stopped being depressed except when I tried to deny myself and limit the foods I wanted while raw. I learned to NEVER diet and eat if I want it. I also learned that at least for now until my doctor figures out what is wrong with me, that I must take suppliments for happiness, learning problems, concentration problems and to repair some neurological damage that I got from lack of proper nutrition from all the years of bulemia and dieting.

The dieting and bulemia resulted in neurological damage, however, if I would have eaten like a normal person, I would have been SEVERELY overweight and that is not healthy either. So you may want to explain to your parents, that you know of this person on the interenet that had an eating disorder and have discovered that it is probably because or at least related to both an problem absorbing nutrients and a slow metabolism. If I were you, I would check into talking with a HIGHLY qualified licensed nutritionist or nutritional scientist and tell them what your mental symptoms are such as depression, anxiety, etc. because all of these things are related to lack of vitamins, minerals, proper nutrition, etc. I would recommend my raw vegan doctor who is VERY smart and really digs around to find the underlying problem. His number is 612-87-GREEN. He does telephone consultations.

Talk to your parents tell them you want to find out if this may be a possibility. I simply started taking some suppliments that are necessary to the brain and they really helped. My doctor said I am on the right track.

I too felt like a weird person. I felt like all I could think about was food and I knew this was not normal. I had all sorts of emotional problems. These all have completely disappeared since supplimentation. If I stop taking them for more than about 5-6 hours, I become moody, tense, etc.


For you it could be COMPLETELY nutritional and nothing emotional.

Email me if you have any questions. I already have a friend from here on Raw Food Talk that is trying to contact my doctor to consult with him.

Make sure you are getting your B-12 methylcobalamin as well.

k

[janicejourney]

"It's just so hard because I know I need to eat, but once I finish all the RAW food in the house, well I need more."



Maybe until you are able to move out or pay for your own food... high raw is the best option? This way you don't EVER have to go without food. I think if you need to gain weight that to eat as high raw as possible, and then eat healthy cooked until there are more groceries would be much healthier than not eating. It mush be tiring to have your parents worry over you. If you would allow yourself to be high raw until you have more control over the food with your own resources, my guess is that things would be less stressful in your home, and your life would be more peaceful. High Raw, in my opinion, is much healthier the avoiding any food in the house that isn't raw, when there are no Raw choices. I think that Raw is hard unless you have the resources and freedom to make sure you can have the food you choose. You mom honestly might not have enough money? Anyway, maybe being less rigid with yourself about it would alleviate your dilemma?


Much love to you and to your choices,

Janice

[ryana]

I just want to say my thoughts about what you posted. I also have read several of your other posts. I can't completely relate but i can somewhat. from 11-16 I gave myself severe depression and attempted sucide a few times. I wouldn't leave my room for days. I over eat till I could roll over to fall asleep. My partents kept a closer eye on me after my first suside attempt Which is sounds like yours might be doing. Good parents eventhough they don't alwasy understand become concenered with they fear for their child's saftey. It was suffocating I just wanted to live my life. My words became meaningless it was my actions from months and eventually years ago where what defined myself to others. When i was 15 I became vegan. Me and my mother woudl get into fights about it. She woudl say my food was too expensive. I also went on an all organic vegeatarain diet when i was 14. And we all know organic food was expensive I lasted a month mabye more. I couldnt' eat out and alwasy felt guilty for being "difficult". I moved out when I was 17 eventhing was much easier then. I'm 20 now I make the decisions on what to eat and what my budget is for food usually $100 per week. I got involved with some non profits and my parents no long view me as their daughter who tried to take her life although I know that fear still lingers. I do believe that raw food is attractive to people with eating disorders becasue it's very strick and requirs a bit of effort and control over ones self (apearing to be an eating disorder itself). But I think it's a positive way to use that aspect of your personaliy. I guess my point is your mom cares, doesn't understand and has control at least until your 18. I read you just turned 15 so three more years. Until then just keep sane.

[BerryGirl]

In a way, I can understand how you feel about your family attributing everything to your eating disorder. When I was a jr. in college 6 years ago (wow, I feel old now!), I became highly depressed. I eventually started taking Celexa and have been on it ever since. I do plan to get off of it-- I'm following my dr.'s recommendations for it. Anyway, when I got married, my husband would often ask if I was still taking my pills whenever I got sad, moody, etc. It was like I couldn't have normal negative emotions, ever, without it being due to me not taking my medicine. (Interestingly, every time he asked that, I *was* still on my meds. I was just sad, PMSing, whatever, you know?) It was like any non-happy or non-content feelings, he immediately saw as being caused by my depression, not because I was frustrated with my job or frustrated with him or sad because of something that happened to a friend. He hasn't asked me that in quite a while, I think because he started to realize that just because I'm sad doesn't mean I'm *depressed*. I, too, can *feel* a difference when depression or my OCD is coming on. I know what it is, recognize it, and take steps to fight it. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I understand a little.

[ryana]

berry girl my parents used to ask the same thing when i was upset. drove me nuts. I was on prozac ionically enough the prozac cause me anxiety and then my anxiety drugs (which ws liminted cause they are addicting) caused me depression. You may want to try taking saint john's wroth it may help. the only draw back is you ahve to take is several times a day. I tried it with no luck but it may be worth a shot.

[shakti17]

dear lunar,

i am glad to see that you are still on the raw path and that you are coming here for support! so last we wrote you were going to go to a center in new york? whatever happened with that? it sounds like you are doing so much better now! :)

you do have a lot of good advice here - i know the link that gosia gave you, that is a good story to share with your mom - the thing is, i feel your family is just not going to come around right now - they obviously do not want to hear about raw. keep it to yourself as much as possible. i tell you that from my own experience, which i shared with you, about my mom being sick but not wanting to hear about raw. she was exactly the way you describe your mom - TOTALLY closed to raw - would not never ever ever believe it was healthy, etc. our parents are from a different generation - if she says "yay raw", she is also saying - "everything i know and have been taught about how to feed myself, and medicine,etc is WRONG" most people cannot admit that.

i agree with janice about getting a job. if you babysit they will pick you up and take you home... even better, can you get a job at an organic market? that would be awesome! plus discounts on food, you would probably meet co-workers who could drive you, you could give them a couple bucks for gas. why don't you brainstorm and see what feels right to you.

be happy!

love, shakti

[Lunar*Fey]

Wow, thank you so much for your replies!!! :)

Heabrook- thank you. lately I have been trying to stay happy and just let myself shine through, even though it feels like my family and doctors are trying to cage my shine, lock it up, dim it, throw something over it. if that makes any sense...before I would just let them, now I'm starting to want to stand up and show them that this is me

EmeraldGlow- Thank you for that nice little story, I really liked it. I don't know of anyone at all who is raw around here. I think my therapist, if anyone, truly sees my improvement. The improvement in my outlook and simply the way I communicate and seem to have a light... an strong, bright desire for health again. But I wont know how she really feels until i see her on monday...and even then I might not find out. I don't know if she would ban me from the computer, I really have no idea. but thank you for your email address! mine is: nightshade_16@sbcglobal.net ....feel free to email me any time! I would love to hear from you. I so wish we lived closer too! That would be awesome. If I ever go somewhere near you or if you ever come around here we'll have to plan to meet! I had a dream that I met Rawkinlocs, Rawpriestess, and Alissa. lol. it was only for like a second because they were just leaving or something but I met them, lol. And I didn't find out about any potlucks around here. If there was one, my mom might be willing to go if I begged her and if it wasn't costly. Thank you so much, your words are so enlightening and helpful *hugs back*

Veggie- thank you veggie. See my problem isn't that I'm not full enough, its just that no matter how hungry or full I am I still have to get about 3000 calories or more every day...that does come out to a lot of food..and it would probably be hard no matter what I ate. I haven't tried raw hemp protein powder, but I would like to. thank you again

pdx kris- thank you for sharing your experience, that is so wonderful you were able to recover. And I know what you mean, eating raw just feels natural, simple, comfortable, right. I hope you are right and my family does come around as yours did

honeybee joy- thank you for your acknowledgement. lol that is really helpful as well. You are right, things like that really really make things uncomfortable.

Autumn- Thank you, those are some wonderful suggestions. I tried to find out if there were organic co-ops and such around here but I haven;t had any luck...plus I ttried talking to my mom about it and she didn't seem interested... Also, thank you for your advice!

Dreamrawalwz- thank you so much. I hope my mom eventually sees things the way your mom does. I will try your suggestion. thank you. and I would love to stay in touch through email

Karenisraw- thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I will talk to my parents about getting in touch with your doctor, is it ok if I don't live in the same state? I mean can he do everything over the phone, or how would that work? What is B-12 methylcobalamin found in? thank you again

Janicejourney- thank you for your advice. I understand what you mean, and I definately don't just not eat just because theres no raw food in the house. There has been times when I've had to have some of the healthier cooked food to supplement. I really am not all that rigid, although I made it sound as if i am so I understand why you thought that. For example, I am not positive the almonds we have are raw but for now, i eat them any way...
thank you again

Ryana- thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It's helpful to hear how other people handled similar situations and that they are fine now. Things are good between you and your mother? I just want my mom to accept me for who I am...I mean it feels like ever since my disorder I am not Bristol...I am a disorder. And no matter what I am not accepted because I am a disorder.
thanks again

Berrygirl- thanks so much for sharing. I can completely relate to how you must have been feeling when your husband said those things. It's a horrible feeling, and hard to explain but you did such a good job explaining it. I started Prozac not long ago, and my therapist gives full credit for my improvement to the pills, which I feel it goes far beyond taking pills. thanks again

Shakti- The New York thing is up in the air right now, I guess the social worker has been trying to get me into it for a while now, but there have been no beds available. My doctor said if I am still improving and gaining weight then I wont have to go (unless I go downhill again). But she has to talk to my mom and therapist first. And my mom seems to sort of want me to go, because she wants whats best for me, and she thinks that by going there I'll suddenly come back and eat everything and anything. And thanks for sharing your experience, i definately know what you're saying with why its hard for people to accept new and different things such as raw. I am going to put up some flyers and try to get a babysitting job or something. How would I find out about any markets like that around my area? That would be great!
thanks again

[misslinda]

WOW! I missed a whole episode of what's been going on??????

LunarFey, I am so sorry you are going thru the "aftermath" of ED and how it affects the family. The process of dealing with it while and after is you're experiencing, just as intense.

Have you attempted to approach mother with perhaps a mother/daughter day? A day to chat about what is on your mind and her mind.......a way to build some new bond between the two of you?

I wonder and maybe even a question to ask your therapist or family:

"What is it going to take for you all to accept my recovery?"

Does your therapist know directly from you that you don't feel you are being supported in you "healing" and that the tension,hurtful remarks etc induce those feelings inside that potentially turn your recovery around?

Again, doesn't seem like therapist is helping the situation. I'm concerned that the overall "communication" style hasn't even been addressed. This is not healthy and helping any............

I would encourage you stay with what [you] believe is healthy for you --which means raw as you mention. You are doing excellent by working at recovery and rebuilding yourself health mind and body side. I'm sure your family is [reacting] on fear and anger b/c you are now a "raw foodist" Another foreign way of [eating] to them. The flip side is, I'm sure there is some level of trust b/c otherwise I don't think they would have allowed that book to even be there ;) Although their behaviors show otherwise......

If the verbal/live talking makes matters more stressful, I would write letters instead to them. That way, they can read and ponder on it.

How bout school counselors? Are they available to speak too? I wonder if perhaps gathering some ED info for the sufferers families would be benenfit to them...........


;)

[Lunar*Fey]

MissLinda- I will try to approach her with a mother/daughter day thing...i don't know how it will turn out or how she will find the time but I can certainly try :). And thank you for the suggestions. That's a good question to ask...its just they simply say well "the only thing that will really help you is if you simply eat like a normal teenager..eat anything and everything and then everything will be peaceful and happy and your mom will accept you, now are you willing to do that?" I try to tell my therapist but this just makes her more proned to agree with my doctor, I need to eat "normally" and then everything will be good they say. I do like my therapist though, I mean shes the first therapist I've actually been ok with talking to. She doesn't act quite as condescending and I feel ok opening up to her. I think you are right, it's like peer pressure. No matter how much they pressure me to be untrue to myself I think I finally see that I have to just stick to what makes me feel healthy and happy and what I feel is right. It's just sad that what makes me feel so happy and good makes everyone else unhappy with me. That thought brings me back to old self-hating thoughts...like maybe its a sign i shouldn't be alive because my happiness makes the ones I love so unhappy. I know, Iknow, bad thought...and I don't really feel that way I mean I can push those thoughts aside now, seperate them, not dwell on them and make myself feel worse. I am going to write my mom an email. THank you again, so much!!! :)

[ryana]

lunar,
yes things are great between me and my mother. we are very different people and I have come to realize my mother as a person and not as a mother since moving out. I apreciate her good qualities and undrestand the things she has to work on. She still doesn't understand me and my eating habbits (she thinks i'm starving since going raw). But she doesn't hassle me and my decisions it's like I have proved myself. None the less I love my mother with a passion. and i know she feels the same.

[karenisraw]

LunarFey,


Karenisraw- thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I will talk to my parents about getting in touch with your doctor, is it ok if I don't live in the same state? I mean can he do everything over the phone, or how would that work? What is B-12 methylcobalamin found in? thank you again

My RVD does telephone consultations. He would obviously probably like for you to have some tests done. I don't think he requires you being in the same state. I do not know how much he can do over the telephone but he could probably at least get you going in the right direction. Maybe you could have some tests done there and then fax him the results. Methylcobalamin is from what I have learned, is only found in animal products, I believe meat. But it is absolutely necessary and even when I used to eat 2 chicken breasts per day and sometimes three, I still did not get enough. You can take vegan sources of B-12 but they do not do everything that methylcobalamin does for your good health. From what I have read and learned, you still need supplimentation of methylcobalamin.


k

[Lunar*Fey]

Ryana- thats wonderful :), I love my mom with a passion as well. :) and I hate how something so simple has to come between us like this...

Karenisraw- thanks for the information!! :) I'll talk to my mom about it. about that type of vitamin B, if it is only found in meat I wonder why it is necessary for our bodies and how people used to get it? I am by no means questioning your information, it just makes me wonder. thanks again for the great info :)

[Elouet]

Dear Lunar,
I'm so sorry about your family! As I posted before, mine has responded the same. Sometimes they let me free to choose what I eat, and other times my mom explodes and is disgusted by RAW. Please don't be discouraged, your mother loves you and just doesn't understand that what your doing is making yourself healthy and strong. It's so hard to want to please people while trying to become your own person. Remember, you come FIRST, that's not selfish, it's self-preservation. I honestly believe that once you have gained more weight (met what goal you and your doctor have agreed on) that she will be very open to your new lifestyle. When my mom is in a good mood, and we can talk, she says that when I gain 10 more pounds to reach my goal she will happily accept any way of eating I choose. Unfortunately, sometimes that 10 pounds looks like a steep, steep mountain to me! Know in your heart that your family loves you, and only fears greatly for your health. Be strong, be good to yourself, because in the end each decision is yours alone.
I send all my blessings!
Aly

[karenisraw]

Lunar Fey,

Here is a lecture you can listen to on the internet. It is given by my raw vegan doctor who is an MD in Europe, a licensed nutritionist and a nutritional scientist. It goes into great scientific detail about the biochemistry of food when it is cooked. I would have your parents listen to it. My RVD said if anyone is giving you a hard time about eating raw, then this should shut them up.


http://www.ecopolitan.com/cook

Should we cook our food? Here is a lecture recorded by Dr. Adiel Tel-Oren ("Dr. T"), the founder of Ecopolitan. We have downgraded the recording in order to reduce download time. Download/Listen to MP3 File.... Original normal-quality recording available on double-CD at our store. The name of the CD is "Should We Cook Our Food?" -from the "Ask Dr. T" series.


k
:) :)

[Lunar*Fey]

Elouet- Thank you so much :). Hearing from you is so helpful :). It seems you and I can relate a lot. I believe in you and I know you can do this. It is wonderful that your mom will accept any way of eating you choose in the future :). Please feel free to email me any time, my email is nightshade_16@sbcglobal.net...I would love to be in touch. :)

Karenisraw- thank you so much for the link! I'm listening to it right now :)

[EmeraldGlow]

EmeraldGlow- Thank you for that nice little story, I really liked it. I don't know of anyone at all who is raw around here. I think my therapist, if anyone, truly sees my improvement. The improvement in my outlook and simply the way I communicate and seem to have a light... an strong, bright desire for health again. But I wont know how she really feels until i see her on monday...and even then I might not find out. I don't know if she would ban me from the computer, I really have no idea. but thank you for your email address! mine is: nightshade_16@sbcglobal.net ....feel free to email me any time! I would love to hear from you. I so wish we lived closer too! That would be awesome. If I ever go somewhere near you or if you ever come around here we'll have to plan to meet! I had a dream that I met Rawkinlocs, Rawpriestess, and Alissa. lol. it was only for like a second because they were just leaving or something but I met them, lol. And I didn't find out about any potlucks around here. If there was one, my mom might be willing to go if I begged her and if it wasn't costly. Thank you so much, your words are so enlightening and helpful *hugs back*

Yer Welcome! :) Meeting everyone would be really cool. I wonder if that event we were tlaking about over in the off topic area about meeting everyone in Cali is still being tlaked about or planned...Misslinda? That would be perfect! We were gonna wear t-shirts with our sn's on them! Lol. I will for sure be emailing you soon! Hey and if you can find a time when you see your mom just sitting down and shes not that busy let her know that you love her and that you are thankful that she loves you so much too. Or you can write her a letter and slip it onto her pillow case or somethin. She'll really love to hear that! :) It might ease her stressing a lil bit. When does school end for you? Would you be able to get a summer job? That would be really nice. Maybe you can get a job babysitting or at a store or something...it'll bring you some good extra monay! ;) I wish the best to ya! I know you will get through this you've gotta a huge raw family backing you up over here that believes in you!

p.s. I just had a thought. You know how they just want the best for you? Well, can't you just channel their helping energy into helping you in the right way? With intention, thought, meditation/prayer of course....hmmm...does that make any sense? You can meditate/pray everymoring. And you can meditate/pray that their hearts soften and open. Hmmm... :)

[Lunar*Fey]

EmeraldGlow, Meeting everyone would be awesome! haha and so would wearing shirts with our sns on them lol. And thats a lovely idea, I do tell my mom I love her a lot :)...sometimes we'll just be driving in the car (my mom, my baby sister, and I) and it will be all silent and I'll just say, "mom, I love you." or something similar. But i think its a nice idea to write her a note. It would also be a great idea to get a summer job, and I'm planning on it. I think I'll try talking to my guidence counselor in school to see if she can suggest anything.
And that idea you had to channel their helping energy! Wonderful idea!!! wow, I didn't even think of that at all. thank you so much :)

[EmeraldGlow]

Lunar*Fey -

Okay, thats really cool you tell your mom that already!

You gotta let us know how that channeling goes!

[Sooboopa]

Hey Lunar*Fey

Excuse me if this post is rushed, but I'm at an internet cafe and have to go somewhere soon.

When I was 18 I was trying to be a fruitarian on just sweet fruit. I was convinced at the time that that was the optimal diet for humans. (If I had known about raw then...ie expanded my dietary options, I may have been more successful.) My mother told me I had an eating disorder. I wasn't trying to lose weight. I was just utterly convinced that this was the perfect diet.

I am 34 now. Only now am I starting to be successful on raw. I've been trying since I was 18.

Lunar*Fey, you are going to have to be so strong. Maybe when you are 26 and shining with light and not too skinny and radiating health they may twig that you're onto something. But at the moment they are so deluded as to what is healthy eating. You have to be a pioneer. I have always been different...dietarily, spiritually etc. But that is a good thing. You are so lucky to have the insight you do at such a young age. Have a look at www.rawguru.com 's website. He is very young...maybe 19ish. He is unwavering. He is successful at raw.

The monetary thing is a problem. Could you work part-time? I haven't had time to read the other posts. I don't know if that's been discussed. A worse case scenario is to eat raw during the day and a cooked vegan meal at night with salad. In a year or two you will be an adult (I am guessing you are around 16 or 17). Then it is up to you.

You are nourishing your body with raw food. You are beginning to come alive. I wish you all the luck in the world Lunar*Fey. Remember, you have to be strong, because nearly everyone around you is hypnotised...by the meat industry, the dairy industry, mainstream medicine or whatever. Most doctors look sick.

(I also have a step dad. He was really annoying.)

Be strong Lunar*Fey...and shine your light without fear.

[rawpriestess]

Lunar*Fey,

Please know that what you do, or say, or eat will NOT make anyone (except you happy, all the people around you have choices, and their choices make them happy, not YOU.

I know they SAY that what you do will make them happy or not, but it isn't really TRUE.

Just like what your mom says or doesn't say, can't make you happy or unhappy.

You can like what she says, or be happy for HER, because she is more accepting of you sometimes, but your happiness does not come from outside sources, it comes from within, just like your mom's happiness comes from within her.

Even if you were the perfect child, the perfect teenager, and ate exactly what she wanted you to eat, she would find something else to pin on you, to make YOU her problem.

Because SHE is looking out side of her self for her own happiness, she will never find it.

So, be happy for yourself, eat what makes you happy, and do the best you can to communicate with love and kindness to your mom. be truthful to her, and let her know how you feel, and tell your therapist the truth, that you are not your eating disorder, and that you now know that it is a separate part of your thoughts, not who you are. etc.

also, don't try to make them understand what you are doing, let them read any books you have, but don't expect them to totally grasp the thought that raw food is good for anyone, they aren't ready to hear it yet.

[Lunar*Fey]

EmeraldGlow, I'm going to start trying it and I'll let you know how it goes :)

Sooboopa, thank you :). Although I only just turned 15, I'm going to try and get a part time job or babysit or something. Also, thank you for the link and the inspiring words. :)

Rapriestess, you always have such insightful, wonderful replies. thank you. ANd I know you are very right about her looking outside her self for her happiness. I think most people tend to take their emotions out on other people, not necessarily on purpose, but simply because it is hard for people to blame themselves or let themselves see that only they can make themselves happy. Most people seem to be so afraid of change, or anything novel...they don't want to accept things that are different. Maybe thats why I, being different, am such a concern in my family. Now they have something to blame my "strangeness" on, an eating disorder, and they pounce on the opportunity.

[karenisraw]

LunarFey,

You seem like a perfectly normal sweetie to me so I wouldn't worry too much about things. Some parent just don't see the world except through their own eyes and point of view. My dad has a genious IQ, was valedictorian of his class and an Iowa Merit Scholar and yet he thinks canned vegetables are good for you and eco-activism is extreme. He also thinks raw diet is extreme even though I have told him all the hazards of cooked and meat. I tell him about curing his diabetes with going raw and he doesn't listen. If it is mainstream then that is normal and o.k.. After all, it wouldn't be legal if it wasn't safe now would it?

k
:) :)