View Full Version : My emotional eating is out of control. I'm in a very bad place.
I'm so sad. My eating is out of control again and I just cannot find the will power to "get it together". I feel so sad and depressed and anxious. I'm fighting tears a few times a day. I don't knwo what happened. I was doing so good, then ate a few bites of cooked, then that Evil ol' Reasoning raised it's ugly head. I've been trying to fast, but I do not have the the mental will power to skip food, KWIM? and I am TOTALLY reacting to the stress of the dc. The minute they are the TINIEST BIT difficult-I stuff food in my mouth. This is an old habit of mine that I thought was dead and buried. :confused: I've gained EIGHT pounds of what I had lost. I'm sure that isn't helping my attitiude.
Please don't think this is a whine. I'm really in a bad place. I feel like I am teetering on the edge of falling into compulsive overeating and becoming obese again. There's a part of me that doesn't care, and the other part of me is so EMBARRASSED that I have slipped even this far, I'm so ashamed that I want to hide in my house and eat until I burst.
For those of you who have been there with compulsive overating-do you know that empty sad lonely feeling that you keep trying to fill with food? Well, mine is constant. I've even begun sneaking food again and planning binges. I'm so sick. :(
04-22-2006, 10:47 AM
I know that feeling soooo well ..it has become an evil devilish best friend of mine for years.... I want it to go away forever...I still have a fear that it will come back . Right now I'm on a fast and I'm doing okay...but I'm worried once I have normal food in front of me again. believe me I know how you feel...all the times I've done good and then ate again then felt bad because I ate so oooo much and started the vicous cycle....
What can I say to comfort you...I wish I could give you advice on what to do to not let it control you ...I can't though because I myself have not conquered power over it...
All I can do is support you and say that we're all here to support you
ALSO THINK ABOUT HOW FAR YOU'VE COME.... I know if you start to think about it you just think about how you've eatin and ruined it , but please dont' focus on that I know how is easy it is to do it. And also if you can get uyourself busy, go to a friends house, do anything just get out of the house that always makes it worse, if you're busy it's easier to not get in the web of obsession and depression
I hope I helped somehow,If I know that I can help someone and they stay strong then that gives me strength for when I come off my fast and the next time I'm surrounded by food I can not let it control me that would be amazing!!!!
Pray or if that's not for you meditate
hang in there it will get better, there's light at the end of the tunnel ;)
Sweet dear..I so know where YOU are at. i wish I could be there to help you out in person! if you read my journal you will see i have always suffered from an EDisorder...I called myself the FAT anorexic. I really wanted to eat less but this "hunger" was so strong. I ended up in OA--Overeaters Anonymous--but that may not be what you would need. I am just offering my experience.
You can email me personally and i will help you out anyway I can....You are not alone, feelings are not facts..and this TOO shall PASS!!
For my body flour sugar caffeine and artifical sweetners really mentally emotionally and physically do a number on me. I cannot handle ONE drop..I tried hunddddddddreds of times--esp after a few months of not eating those items i thought i was "fixed" but i still overate on them AND got into a BAD mental state which hurt my job and relationships. Food is a sneaky one....BUT you can and will overcome this!
Hugs and peace in this moment...Try to go for a walk or do some yoga and COMMIT to NO negative self talk at least for the next 20 minutes.
04-22-2006, 10:58 AM
Love and Hugs to you! We have all been there! Just start with one meal at a time when you can and you will eventually get back to where you need to be! Emotionally, you must need to do some releasing at this time...don't fight it...just go with the flow.
Light of an Angel
04-22-2006, 11:20 AM
Please don't be hard on yourself. Give yourself a credit for something. You want to stop and that is a great start. You have good intentions in there! You have done it before and you are strong and your inner beautiful Goddess is shining through. Take it one step at a time. What helped me was repeating a mantra in my head that said: "I eat for nutrition." You are definitely not alone and I belive in you!
You can do it!
04-22-2006, 11:31 AM
Purl, One thing that I have found that has helped me is to use the one-day-at-a time philosophy with Raw..In fact even one -meal- at-a-time. Beating yourself will only make it worse.
Try & get a green smoothie in for breakfast...then work up to green smoothies & a Raw lunch..etc..
If you are trying to lower fats...DON"T...I know that low fat can cause depression. It has for me. Anytime I try & lower the fat-my depression comes back. Get some Avocado in you..it's a natural antidepressant-as is watermelon.
Also-are you taking b-vit supplements? That can help as well. The others have given a bunch of good advice -keep reaching out to the board. When I read about Raw- I get just as excited as when I first started. Stay with the board as much as possible.
all my best..Lana
PS. Try some walking-no hard workouts until you are ready & journal so you can pinpoint the *triggers*.
04-22-2006, 11:37 AM
First let me say YOU RAWK!!!
do you have any idea how wonderful you are?
I mean right now?
right this minute
and YES, I mean in this binging, eating desperate state?
You see, the reason I say that YOU RAWK!!!, is because you see the challenge, you know what it is, and you are not in denial, you are asking for help, and you are wanting help from your friends.
do, you realize how important a step this is to recovery?
so, yes, you did eat some cooked food, trust me on this, we ALL have been there, so you are not alone, I am not discounting how you are feeling, I am just saying, that HEY, no one is perfect, even Alissa ate cooked, then raw, then cooked. so KNOW that you are perfectly in your process right this moment,
and YOU are here with all of us, talking it out, telling us how you are feeling, and sharing, you see, if you WERE sitting in your home eating all you could to stuff down those feelings, then that would be okay too, but you are so much way past that part of the addiction, you are actually saying Hey, I'm here, I'm having challenges, I need your help, I know I'm having difficulty doing this alone.
And you know what? We all are, none of us is just sailing along with this, even some of us long time raw fooders, still cave in to that cooked food monster time and again.
I can always tell when I am really in my addition, I stop posting, I won't even go to my journal, and I certainly won't tell anyone, that is a scary place to be, but YOU, are past that and are back on the way UP to raw foods.
So, right now, just this second, not tomorrow, not in an hour, but right now, just eat raw, just this second, and then the next second, and the next.
If you have a raw restaurant near you, go there and treat yourself to some decadant lovely raw food, if you don't, then get on line and order some, over night it if you need to, or go to the produce department of your local food store, and buy the most delicious fruits and veggies you can think of, it's okay if they cost too much at this point in the game, just buy what you really think will be delicious, then take them home, or go to a lovely park and ea them, and make sure you buy enough to totally fill you up, in fact buy way too much, so you can't possibly go hungry.
I like to go to the local nursery, and sit amongst the beautiful flowers and then I go to the park and sit there, and I take my dog, and I eat my food and I feel good, then and only then, I can come back to my regular life, with the phone calls and the hectic schedual and the clients.
But, having alone/me time is very important to everyone.
so, go do something truly great for yourself, get a massage, take yourself to the movies, sit and relax and let the dishes pile up, take the day off work as a (ME) day, do whatever you need to do to help YOU feel better.
This is a great place to be, because YOU are back on your way UP to raw foods, not going down anymore, because you hit your bottom, and are now asking for help.
So, one second at a time, don't think about tomorrow, have plenty of delicious raw food on hand, and take a ME day right now, don't wait, do this for YOURSELF. Don't let anything stop you, NOTHING is as important as your wellbeing.
I know, I've been there, we've ALL been there.
and who knows, tomorrow, I may need YOU to tell me this exact same thing.
04-22-2006, 11:38 AM
Oh Purl! -gives hug- It is not fun at all to be in that situation, I know! I've been there (and I dearly hope that I am OVER it!) the whole planning, guilt. self pity and all the while hating what you are doing to yourself but is still doing it while not caring but also hate not to care.. I had to accept myself as I was, embrace myself completely, mistakes, shadow sides and that made me proud myself all together. I had to forgive myself by saying, I did that and it is okey.
But enough about me really.. I dearly hope that you will find strenght to conquer this! Do it with love!! You can do it!
Fly forever free,
04-22-2006, 11:52 AM
I discovered that most of my emotional problems were because of lack of methylcobalamin B-12. It also has greatly helped my learning, concentration, focusing problems as well as other neurological problems. I just started taking Ceralin which is awsome as it seems to be repairing damage I had to my brain, even things that may have been hereditary. I am 100% sure the damage was due to a lack of nutritents, especially B-12 methylcobalamin. Your brain NEEDS certain nutrients to be healthy and to repair damages. As I was ALWAYS dieting my whole life I did not get enough nutrients. I started to take suppliments and I feel nearly 100% cured. If you want to talk more, just email me.
k :) :)
04-22-2006, 12:09 PM
Trust me I do know that feeling too, I dealt with it for a year with no light in sight...or so I thought. My humble suggestion. Find something that really really interests you and has not one single thing to do with family...just you. All you and nothing but the you. In this case it is alright to be selfish...give yourself permission to be selfish. Whatever you discover as your interest it has to be something that you have a passion for. I was so depressed at one point last year all I wanted to do was sleep. One day I was browsing on the internet and ran across my beloved acting mentor's website. I cried like a baby. I had not been acting for a few years and the connection to my art overwhelmed me and made me realize that I need to be doing this again. From that point on, just me making that realization and acknowledging that acting makes me happy, has lead me to so many things including this wonderful website, a move to Chicago, new raw friends, better health and other opportunities.
Remember how I said to you once that you have to embrace your journey...it is very true especially for us emotional food addicts. It takes a little bit more of an effort and committment. Sometimes it takes a little somethingelse outside of ourselves to get us on the right path. I hope and pray that you find that one thing and that it brings so much joy that you can not only tell yourself that you can do anything but that you believe it and then acheive it.
04-22-2006, 12:44 PM
I think these are two separate problems - falling off raw and emotional eating. I did not fall off raw for 5 months, but I keep binging on raw foods and lately even more than ever. So for me B12 might be true... Maybe I shoyuld try Nature's First Food, although it is so expensive...
Yes purl, i know that place!
I havnt been there since eating raw, but i certainly was there eating cooked.
I had lots of allergies and bloated after most meals. I looked ready to give birth after eating a very small meal!
The bloating triggered cravings for things i knew were not good to eat, but i ate them, and became even more sick!
The only thing that has worked for me is to eat as raw vegan as i can.
If i eat a little cooked it triggers cravings, which leads to bloating which leads to cravings which leads to being very sick with no energy and miserable!
Green/ veggie juices really helped improve my energy levels which in turn helped me cope with my transition to totally raw.
Im sending you a big ***HUG***
04-22-2006, 03:34 PM
I am going to tell you something, Purl, that helped me a lot. David Wolfe said, don't focus on the foods you think you need to let go of, focus on adding the raw foods you are willing to add. Perfectionism is a killer! Perhaps it is not time for you to be 100%, but you can trust that one day, when you are ready, you will be. For now focus on what you can do, and love yourself for it.
The self hatred that is generated by not 'being perfect' is so much more toxic than any cooked junk you could ever eat. Begin to tell yourself that whatever you eat right now, your body will use it for your highest good. Just relax and be yourself, right here, right now, raw or cooked. Think about it, when you are an old lady looking back over your life, do you think it will have been worthwhile to beat yourself up for not being 100% raw? Probably not. LOL So soften your judgement and just be. We compulsive overeaters chafe at too many rules and regs...so burn the rulebook for now. Just add some raw foods and don't sweat the cooked. YOu will be amazed at how quickly things will change for you when you are able to hold it all more loosely and lovingly.
There is a process of healing going on and no two people are alike in this process. Love yourself through your very own unique process and all will be well.
My spiritual teacher says that there is nothing more important than that you feel good. Take that seriously and find ways to feel good.Find ways to focus on something, anything other than food. When we have crazy histories with food it's hard to think about it and feel good. So don't think about it. Just do what you can from whereever you are.
Sending love, light, blessings and mostly reassurance that despite what you may think, all really is well.
I've read all your posts and I am really touched by your words. You have all given me some things to think about. After really thinking about it all day I do think that some of the stress I was feeling was 50% that the dc were home all week (most of you know about my 2 oldest). I think it brought up a LOT of fear surrounding what happened last summer break. I had a small nervous breakdown over the stress of their violence and other autistic behaviors. I seriously think I have PTSD from last summer. I'm not kidding. When my son starts to raise his voice, or starts to get upset I PANIC. They were actually VERY good this week, better than they have EVER been and we even had 4 near-PERFECT days in a row-yet still my body is planning a defense 24/7. This has been very eye-opening since I only have about 8 weeks til they are home with me all summer.
The other 50% was due to Easter and dh's parents visiting from FL this week. Dh's family puts me completely on edge. We have had a lot of problems with dh's bro and SIL. I won't go into it but it was INSANE stuff for years, incl. threats of being attacked while pg if they saw me out in public. So 2 weeks prior to Easter I started to panic about having to be in the same house with them for Easter dinner. Dh parents came up on Thurs and they make me nervous. They are big partiers, drinkers, and pot-smokers. They are very self-centered and obnoxious and I *die* inside when I have to spend time with them.
So after I wrote my post they came over for their last visit before catching their plane tomorrow. When they left-I actually FELT my anxiety leave with them! LOL! As awful as the past few weeks have been, I have learned SO much about myself-or at least uncovered my triggers, so now I can plan for them for next time.
So much of what you all said hit home. Esp what RP said about being on the way up. That's so true. i hadn't realized it, but asking for help really was the 1st step out of this dark place. I put the truth out there and "the truth shall set you free". And what Tombi said about finding something I love. Well, I'm still working on finding what I love, but I already knew in my heart that I needed to do that-but hearing someone else say it made it feel healthy rather than selfish. SparklePlenty made some awesome points too-about me focusing on the wrong "part" of raw. I have been focusing on my mistakes (again) rather than my progress. I mean-come to think of it-I even wrote an encouraging post about it a few months ago-you think I would be able to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.
Anyway-once again you have helped me get the right perspective. I have such a hard time believing in myself-and trusting myself. Thank you all for picking me up and dusting me off. Tomorrow is a new day, with new hope and new possibilities. Thank you.
Your very grateful sister,
04-23-2006, 03:06 AM
It's good to see you on the other side of all this Purl! And I am especially happy that you take all this as a lesson on yourself, that will take you further than you can imagine! All the best on your journey! Your strong for this!
Fly forever free,
04-23-2006, 05:34 AM
So many of us understand exactly what you're going through!- and all of these posts proove it. I know I've been in that place before. I had things under control for years... weighed 150 (at 5'9") and felt great. I got pregnant... did well through it, topping the scale at 183 at month 9. THEN- a few months after my son was born, my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Within a 6 month period, I had a son, quit my job of 6 years (to be home with my son), lost my Dad to cancer, sold & bought a house, and moved to a new state. STRESS CITY! And as you can see from my signature, I gained a LOT of weight over the course of 3 years. I got into a stress eating cycle... and then it became a stress/happy/depressed/WHEN EVER cycle. It spirals out of control... and the less control, the more depression about it, and then the more eating. I can tell you what has kept me in a good place for the past 50 days (how long I've been 100% raw now)... taking a look at old pictures of myself, knowing I don't want to go back there. And when things get really tough (like PMS) I make sure I've got treats around.... make the crepes, or the cheesecake, or the fudge balls. Not that you want to binge on raw food either.. but having it there, knowing it's ok to eat it, knowing that you're eating something good for you, and still having the textures your craving. It worked for me at least. And you'll find that a few pieces are enough.... unlike cooked foods that we just seem to be able to eat until the day is over!
Hang in there Purl. This is all part of our learning. And you are helping all of us with your post. Thank you so much for sharing. You've given me the courage to reach out if I find myself in that cycle again. You're in the right place. :)
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