Learning to Trust Oneself

[Jordann]

As with everything else in my life, I'm finding difficulty sticking with my eating raw because of doubt. Doubt. Doubt. Doubt. I doubt I will find much clarity in trying to explain myself here.

What I don't get about my mind, is why I continually sabotage myself and my efforts and my life, when I KNOW better.

For example, I KNOW, from my own experimenting, that eating 100% raw will have me feeling the best ever. My physical health and my emotional health will be superb. My eyes will shine, my heart will be full of joy and peace and alalalalala. Back in 2003 I ate 100% raw for 4 months straight, and wow. Really, all I can muster is a WOW. It was the best thing I have ever experienced, those 4 months life was beyond beautiful. Sounds corny, sure. :rolleyes:

But the past 2 1/2 years I just allow myself to loll about in my muddy rut and not do anything about my situation. I don't commit to eating raw. I don't even muster up for 1 DAY all raw! I mean, it's ridiculous how little control I exercise over myself. Discipline is non-existent here :eek: Eek!

(i love these little faces!)

Why do we come up with excuse after excuse, anything at all, to avoid doing something that we know we need to do.. that we know will benefit us immensely... how do I change this pattern?

Some days are great. Other days are less than good. Like today so far. I like to place the blame outside myself. "I can't eat 100% raw right now because I live with my mother and sister who are both carnivorous and like junkfood. There are always temptations in the cupboards and the fridge." or "I can't do raw right now because I am so poor and run out of money trying to eat raw" or "If only I _________" That's probably my favourite.

When I..... If only I.... Arrrggg! Why not now? Why not today?

I'm young, I'm 24... my birthday rapidly approching and I get feeling panicky that nothing has changed. How silly I am that I keep doing the same thing, yet expect a different result. I want to live differently and I am capable of making changes yet I don't. I just don't get it :(

Does this make any sense? My title was Learning to Trust Oneself and I guess my point was that I hear my little voice and I know what I need to do for myself, but I guess maybe it's a lack of courage? That should've been the title I guess.

Where do you find, or how do you get, the courage to make changes in your life. Big BIG changes that will affect the people closest to you. I meet a LOT of opposition whenever I try to do something differently... because in doing differently I guess I'm stepping out of my 'set role' in the family.

Ok - now I'm getting lost here. My point my point??? :confused: :confused: Please share your thoughts! I feel slightly embarrassed to say it, but I don't have any real life support outside of my mom and sister with whom I live, no friends or the like, so I'm turning to this Internet forum.. and it feels a bit odd. But I've been checking the page daily the past week and get encouraged for raw just reading the wonderfully supportive posts all of you have. So I'm giving it a whirl too.

Thanks -- Jordann :eek: I need a lil' dazed face.. :rolleyes:

[sport]

There is a tread going here on Metaphysics (I am sorry but I do not know how to copy a link for you).
Perhaps you would get something from this tread and from following this path.

[shakti17]

Jordann,

thank you for your post. i don't have an answer for you - but your words made me think about the changes I am afraid to make. yes -- i agree, lack of courage can make us not listen to the inner voice.

sometimes i wish my inner voice would talk a little, or a lot, louder! it has never steered me wrong-- but i have made mistakes when i ignored it.

shakti

[EmeraldGlow]

Hey Jordann,

I can relate to everything you've posted about. I used to get sad every year when my birthday came around or when the new year started because it just meant that all the goals I had made for myself weren't (AAARG:mad: ) reached. But, I knew (and still know) that I could change my life. Thats why I SET the goals in the first place. But, somewhere along the road something happend and I let fear take over. Fear of what exactly? I dunno, but this time I'm going to let go any fear that comes along when I try to accomplish my goals. Just cast them all out! It really wouldn't matter if I didn't know what the fear was all about just as long as it's gone right?? So, one of my goals this week is to become vegan. If I slip and mess up I wont beat myself up about it and I wont just give up the rest of the day either!

I'm glad you had enough courage to write to us all. I give you kudos for that! This is exactly what I needed. I hope I helped you in some way and I know you will come out of this black whole you are in. For I too was in it but I am starting to see the light!

Peace!

P.S. One thing I always forget is to HAVE FUN. When I'm doing raw and trying to achieve my goals I forget about it I do not accomplish anything. So, remember and HAVE FUN!!! :D

[Dandelion Girl]

Jordann,

I think most of us have been through this at one time or other during our lives, sometimes for big portions of our lives. I think that it is great that you are having the insight at 24 to be searching for a way to change things in your life. Don't be too hard on yourself. Feel good about yourself that you are searching for the answers. This board is a great place to get support. There are so many people here whose lives are getting better and better and they are willing to share and encourage others. I am working through the same types of things and am starting to see improvements in my life.

I really suggest that you listen to Revvell's free teleconference coming up 4/26. The title of it is "Who would you be if society had not interfered?" I listened to her first call and she talked about getting past our fears and our limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in our lives, as well as not compromising our passion. I think it will really help you a lot. It has helped me in starting to make positive changes in my life. Also, keep coming to this board because the people here are so supportive and encouraging. Information about Revvell's call is in the Raw Classified and Events section. Here is the link:

http://www.30dayrawchallenge.com/forum/showthread.php?t=13380


Pam

[Nenyath]

Hi Jordann..

You come across quite clear to me, it is all about doubt as an excuse? Is it not? I have been there myself and am probably still there, it is not easy, not easy at all. And you are right, the solution is to trust yourself and that little voice inside of you, but quite frankly, we are raised with something else. If we hurt emotionally or physically we turn to others for not just help and advice, but straight answers, we don't stop to ask ourselves. Profesionals are those whom we like to go to with our problems the best because they know better, then we don't have to think self. We also turn to others when we are about to make a decision in our lives, is this the right thing to do? What do you think? Ought I to do this? When we recieve an answer then we will either be pleased or discouraged, either it confronts with what we hoped for or it confirm us. But either way we will most likely end up following that other person's advice, especially if you have ansked many and gotten the same result. That way we learn to not trust ourselves too. We may have experiences earlier in life to have followed our hearts without asking for advice or heeding them, gotten hurt and then have gotten the usual, "I told you so" or "if you instead have done as I suggested, this would not have happened". :( This is were doubt comes from and doubt prevents us from doing what we inmost actually know is right and true for us.

We have to unlearn all of this! This is our challenge in life, to overcome it and start listening to ourselves! Not an easy task, but well worth it.. But all of this you most likely know and it does not really answer your question, but then again, ought I to do that? ;)

Here's the thing I do though, to start listening to myself; I am learning to love myself, forgive myself for mistakes I have made in the past and the ones I make now, I focus on this very moment, for it is all that is, past is long gone and future I can not exspect to experience, I have acknowldeg that other people can only give me advice out of their experiences and what is true to them and what is true to them might not be true to me. -ponders- Ah yes, then there is my belief in the Universe/the Light/God(ess)/whatever you wish to call it, basically the belief tells me that I am surrounded by love, all is love, including me, and whatever I dream of, it can come true and I am provided for..

Good luck on your journey!

Fly forever free and trust your heart!

[Jordann]

I very much appreciate all the replies.

I'm not sure what to say except Thank you. It is validating to have people listen and take what I say seriously.

My experience with sharing my feelings and thoughts and concerns has most often been very negative, and I am definitely focusing on 'unlearning' this, as you said Nenyath.

When I do try to express my opinion I end up feeling like I am simply explaining myself, explaining my actions. I resent this because I don't think I should have to explain myself - especially to my family. We clash a lot here.
I think this has been translating into resenting my own view or something, as it brought negative feedback/results and I've been connecting the two as cause and effect. So learning to see the effect of expressing my truth differently is what I'm looking at.

Again thank you. Have a beautiful day...

[Nenyath]

You are most welcome Jordann! Thanks for getting me thinking as well! Truly there's a lot to unlearn, but that is the beauty of it all, we do not have to feel bored :p

Fly forever free,
Nenyatn

[Revvell]

What I don't get about my mind, is why I continually sabotage myself and my efforts and my life, when I KNOW better.


Hi Jordann,

There are a few thing here ~ what is it you're doubting? A little exercise for you if you will. Write down:

"One thing I doubt is...." then complete that sentence stem w/ about 10 (or more) different endings. That could give you a clue to where you are now.

Next thing ~ the monkey mind. That's the little voice in your head which assists in sabatoging your efforts. I know, I've got the lil chatters in my head which is how/ why I am voiceless as I type. I listened to that instead of the quieter voice of wisdom.

Just realize something ~ getting all the lil sub-concious voices to align with your purpose is something that one has to be aware of constantly. You say "trust yourself". Well, trust this ~ people tend to do what people tend to do and if you're trusting that little voice, you'll continue receiving what you are receiving.(Ask me how I know?
:rolleyes: )

The thing one needs to do is separate the voices ~ find out which is on your side. The one that's telling you to eat poorly? Take this voice and put it outside of you as though it were your best friend. Is this friend supporting you in your aliveness and well-being?

I know where you are coming from. I've been lax in my own food program and have had to realize, my health, my aliveness, my joy, is all in my hands. As much as I'm supported here, I'm the one who knows what is and is not good for me and when I undulge in what's not good for me, I know the consequences.

Another thing I'll touch on quickly ~ self-esteem. Do you feel you are worthy of being in the best health ever? Do you feel it's o.k. for you to be "different"? (realize something here ~ you ARE different in more ways than just your eating so heck, add your food program to this wonder-filled mix).

Good book you might want to pick up ~ Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Brandon...and don't just read it once ... read it over and over. Make notes, do the exercises. Truly a mahvelous undertaking.

Be well and be in joy ~

Revvell