I'll miss you guys :(...oh also suggestions for my birthday?

[Lunar*Fey]

I'll miss this forum so much as I'll soon (most likely) be going to New York Presbytarian, an eating disorder place. It's sad because upon discovering the raw food way of life a couple weeks ago my entire outlook and way of looking at food has completely changed. I don't even feel like I have an eating disorder any more. Honestly. But, of course, my doctor and mother don't believe me. They think that my wanting to eat for my body's health is another obsession, another way my eating disorder has taken over. In fact, my eating disorder had become partially an obsession with eating healthifully, or what I thought was healthily. But this is different, i want to be raw as I feel the way of life is beautiful and extremely liberating. I want to be raw because it has helped to open my eyes, but my mom will never be happy until she sees me licking clean a bowl of dairy ice cream or gobbling down store bought cookies, etc. If only there was some way I could show her the beauty of the raw diet...but I'm too afraid to even talk to her about it because I know she will be completely against it if the information is coming from me as supposedly my thinking is askew, controlled by my disorder. I understand that it partially was. But through all this, I wanted to gain back the weight/am and have been ashamed of my icky, bony body and my bloated, squishy stomach that sort of sags or whatever. Heck, my eating disorder has brought me to a point where I almost have osteoperosis at age 14! It's disgusting and horrible. But now I feel that the blinders have been ripped off, the fog has cleared, and the sunlight can finally shine right through! It's a beautiful feeling...and it's so frustrating that those around me who are basicly in control of my life right now just don't believe me. Any way, I'm not sure when I'll be leaving but I'm saying goodbye now so that if I suddenly disappear for a while you'll know why.

Also, my birthday is in 12 days...I'll be fifteen. I know there have been a lot of wonderful cake recipes posted but can anyone suggest their favorite or a really good one...the perfect, most delicious birthday cake? I want to make it and have everyone try it and then tell my mom that it's raw and talk to her about the raw diet and the feelings I have and all that...but as foolish as this sounds I'm afraid. Anyway, also does anyone have any suggestions of what I can bring for lunch and a morning meal between breakfast and lunch (my doctor is having me eat in the nurse's office a lunch and another meal every day upon my return to school tomorrow :( ) that are simple yet add up to be high calorie?

Thanks so much, I know this was a long post...this stuff has just been on my mind for a while.

[shakti17]

Dear Lunar,

Happy birthday... and good luck with everything.

why don't you have a green salad with avocados - let your mom see you eating avocados, guacamole, olive oil dressings - things cooked people see as "fattening", maybe that will help ease her worry

the other day my dad said he won't eat smoothies because they are fattening! haha too many calories he said!

i live in ny, so let me know if i can help you in any way as you adjust to your new place.

[michigan roman]

good luck LF , and by the way your horse photo/painting is AWESOME ! goodday :)

[Lunar*Fey]

Thanks :) to both of you.

Shakti- that's the thing...I went grocery shopping with my mom and picked out avocados and nuts and things and then she's glad I've gained some weight but she sees these things as healthy and she gets all upset and says that if I just ate "normal" food I could gain the weight. I have been trying to gain weight for some time now to no avail, and she claims that it's because my diet is too healthy. She used to love to do everything the "healthy" way until I developed my disorder and I've had to watch her health and habits getting worse and worse and it's made me feel so guilty.
anyway, a green salad with avocado is a good idea. that's funny what your dad said...does he eat SAD? My parents are divorced and my dad has the most horrible eating habits, he's borderline diabetic...and my brother is following directly in his foot steps, purposely.

[dreamrawalwz]

Hey, I was wondering if I could have your email? I'd like to talk to you...

[shakti17]

yes, he's SAD, but "healthy" SAD - like he usually doesn't eat red meat or junk foods...

it's hard with your mom it sounds like. the thing is, when you are 15, you live under her roof, it is more difficult to assert yourself and do what you want. why don't you show her gabriel cousens' book, "Conscious Eating". he is an MD, and that book is more scientific than some others - actually, my dad liked that one!

my advice is not to worry about your mom and dad's eating habits - i wasted a lot of energy doing that... i actually watched my mom die, refusing to follow my raw advice. in retrospect, i wish i had been more accepting of her choices rather than wasting the energy trying to change her. it sounds like you have enough on your plate dealing with your own diet!

i hope your mom comes around -- it is awesome that you are taking care of your health now!

shakti

ps i know there are some others on this board who have had eating disorders- maybe their experiences can help you.

[rawpriestess]

Well, how about a big green salad, with sunflower seeds, and almonds and hazelnuts and avocado, and then a fruit plate, bananas, dates, etc.

At least she will see you eating something that people could get at most restaurants, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

wishing you all the best.
Rawpriestess

[BDraw]

Hi! My heart is breaking for you. I'm a mom with adopted kids with eating disorders, as in they want to eat everything in sight! No fear of them getting to thin.

Anyway, I also have a 18 year old that has just gone RAW, at least for 6 weeks, and I try to make sure he gets all the nutrients he needs and also pack his lunch. Here's what we do:

Breakfast -- One banana upon rising, then within 30 minutes a smoothie, usually another banana, orange, strawberries (frozen or fresh), and maybe a kiwi. Sometimes I sneak a handful of greens in this. Of course He's not to crazy about this, but it is not enough to really ruin the taste of the smoothie, only the color. He still manages to engulf it.

Lunch -- Avocado and home made corn chips (crackers). And anything else he can find to munch on, like maybe granola or nuts.

Supper -- Green salad with carrots, broccoli, red pepper, sun flower seed, etc. with ceasor's salad dressing (from Allisia's book - the one with pine nuts). Or broccoli, apple, walnuts, and orange dressing (Blend orange, little olive oil, honey, salt.). Or broccoli, carrots, celery, cauliflower, nuts, and orange dressing. Or grated carrots, pineapple, almonds with orange dressing. Or grated carrots, raisens, nuts, and dressing.

Snacks -- Walnut fudge > Our receipe: 2 cups walnuts, 1/2 cup sunflower seed, 1 cup raisens (or dates), 1/2 to 1 cup cocoanut. You can also add additional cocoanut oil for more calories. Grind all in food processor until super fine and well mixed. Then press in flat container and refrigerate until able to cut. I send about half of this with him to work to snack on during the day. I also send a zip-lock bag full of different nuts and raisens or dried fruit. Another snack idea, when you are home: Blend cashews (1 c.), honey (1/4 c.), water (1/2 c.) and salt (pinch) till smooth. Use to dip fruit like bananas and strawberries in. Yum.

I do hope you find a way to convince your mom of this. Start praying that her heart will soften and God will convict her of His rightful way of eating.

And do keep eating! As a mom, I can say that and mean it. I want you to be healthy! And happy!

[shelah]

lunar*fey,
i know it is difficult that because of your age, others can take control of even your diet. just remember that they love you and are trying the only way they know how. when you are in the program and must eat what they give you, do not fret too much. eat as healthfully as is possible and bless the food you are given. being at peace with it will help your body to accept it as best as possible. remember that eventually, you will be in a position to make your own choices and you can resume a raw journey then. also, you never know -- the dieticians at this clinic may be willing to learn about raw foods, especially the more calorie dense ones -- avos, nuts, raw breads, etc.
for your lunches now, i think you might want to include some of those very same calorie dense choices. if you don't have the equipment to make raw breads at home, then maybe you could compromise with a "transition" bread like manna breads. they are very dense and high calorie and i think that your non-raw onlookers want to see more familiar foods -- i.e. bread. salads are great and avos and nuts make them heftier, yes, but to many people, salads are still weight loss foods -- they can't imagine how you could expect to gain weight eating salads, no matter how big. so do bring that big salad, but also some bread (raw or manna) and/or some yummy raw cookies/cake and/or nut stuffed dates for snacking...
for breakfasts bring some raw granola, banana and nut milk. again, this is more like a "normal" breakfast food. make the portion big enough to make an impression!
i am telling you all this because although i am 48 years old, i am very thin. my family used to worry, but i do eat big portions and sometimes some pretty "heavy" foods and i make sure they see this -- now they remark on how they can't believe i eat this way and don't get fat. they'd be afraid to! i explain that the food is healthy and doesn't make people fat. only the SAD versions would. still they don't get it, but it's okay bc they at least stopped worrying.
like i said before, eventually you WILL be back in control and back on a healthy path. just do your best in every situation!!
i wish you all great blessings,
shelah

[Lunar*Fey]

First I just want to thank all of you sooo much :)...I'm not used to people believing how I feel or what I say any more. It's hard when nothing you say or do seems to mean anything...*sighs* It really helps that you all talk to me as a human being and not a disorder...honestly it feels wonderful, refreshing, heart warming. thank you so much....any way it sounds like I need to order Alissa's book. I may be able to find some left over Christmas money, hopefully...

"Hey, I was wondering if I could have your email? I'd like to talk to you..."
dreamrawalwz~ my email is nightshade_16@sbcglobal.net , I would love to hear from you :)

Shakti~ that's good your dad eats healthier, my mom used to be like that...but ever since she got married and I developed eating problems she became totally against anything I had to say health related... any way I'm sorry about your mom :( and thanks for the advice. It sounds like you and your dad have a pretty good relationship :)

Rawpriestess~That sounds delicious! Sadly, my mom told me to stop picking out so much fresh food and buy cheaper food because we have absolutely no money. I'll have to use whatever I have in the house. I have raw pumpkin seeds and raw cashews...and i'm not sure if the almonds we have are raw...I'm all out of avocado...there's some of the date nut torte I made left in the fridge. My mom liked it a lot. I love it, but it felt quite heavy in my stomach. twas delish though and it came out looking good, I was surprised, I wish I took a picture. Wow do I tend to get off topic...thanks for the good idea :)

BDraw~ Thank you that's really helpful. Your kind words warmed my heart, sounds cheesy but honestly :). thank you. You see it's not that I fear food or don't like eating, it was more when things bother me I completely lose my appetite and then following that came restriction...one of my doctors pounded it into my head that I must restrict fat which somehow made me feel like I was supposed to do that and I started doing it without meaning to...weird I know. Any way, thank you for the great ideas. If only there was some way of showing my mother the beauty of the raw diet ...I would probably never stop eating if my family went raw, it would help me SOO much...i wish there was some way of communicating this to my mom. *sighs* Thanks for the recipe as well, it sounds wonderful!

Shelah~thank you so much, your words have helped to ease my mind a bit. I wish I could make my own breads and things but I don't have a dehydrator. I may be able to get one on ebay if I can scrape up some money. This summer I need to get a job and then I'll pay for my own groceries and such and show my mom that I am responsible and can have a beautiful, healthy body eating this way...and who knows...maybe then she wont see me as a disorder and maybe she would follow my example. Any way, thanks so much for the great ideas! How can I make raw granola? I would LOVE that! I wish I had raw buckwheat and such...again I thank you sooo much. :)

Thanks AGAIN to all of you...you are probably quite sick of my thanks, lol...but I truly can't say it enough. Just to hear you speak to me like a normal human being...I know I know I've said this already, sorry *shuts up* I just want you to know that you have all been really helpful and I'm really thankful:)

[heabrook]

It broke my heart to read your post. Parents have a lot to learn from their children, parents do NOT always know whats best.

I wish you the VERY best of luck. Be strong and ALWAYS stand up for what you believe in.

best to you always,
heather

[Lunar*Fey]

heather~thank you so much, it means a lot to me :) (by the way--I love your avatar picture^_^)

[shelah]

for raw granola without a dehydrator: just chop some soaked almongs, walnuts/pecans and sunflower seeds. mix that up with raisins and/or chopped dates and/or chopped dried apricots. you can also stir in some cinnamon if you like it. this mixture will keep in the fridge for a few days. to eat it, chop up some fruit like apples or pears and a banana, top with granola and a drizzle of agave or honey. pour on a little nut milk and enjoy! :)
the bread i mentioned -- manna-- is found in health food stores in the freezer usually. it comes in alot of yummy varieties. again, it is not totally raw, but many use it as a transition food and it is dense and hearty. here is what they look like: http://www.naturespath.com/products/breads
many blessings to you!

[tvillemom]

LF...I feel your pain. I am going to be 35 this year, and at your age I was borderline anorexic. I also feel like my obsession years ago led me to discover what true healthy eating is. Keep eating, and let them see you eating. Make yourself a nice cake for your birthday, and soon your family will see a change in you, and they WILL stop worrying. I never became bone thin, and THANK GOD the only effects were emotional for me (no physical ill effects) but during the time I was YOUR age, a few girls died from this disease. I knew I didn't want to be in their shoes, and I didn't want to do that to my loving family! Anyway, congratulations on finding your cure, something that you feel comfortable with. Maybe if you find some information that you could actually share with your family and your Dr. about RAW, they would understand and support you more. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU. GOD BLESS!
Wendi

[Lunar*Fey]

Shelah~Thanks for the granola idea, I actually did something like that this morning, mmm :) and also thank you for the link. I hope I can get some, the only thing is my mom gets all upset whenever I ask for something and sighs and says I guess if you have to. and eventually later she like has a breakdown and says stuff like Why can't you just eat normal food??? Then you would gain weight, but you wont eat normal food! and so on.

Tvillemom~thank you for sharing. I understand what you mean about not wanting to do that to your family. That's how I feel too, like I've ruined their lives in some way. In a way it's true, my mom has to drive me places all the time (therapy, doc appointments, etc...) and she never has any time to do things she likes to do any more, my food preferences makes my mom get upset like I mentioned to Shelah, and well I just feel like a nuisance. but I guess that's part of what started the disorder as well. I was depressed and without understanding I felt this way I felt that if I were no longer around everyone would be happy. And thank you :), I hope I can get Alissa's book, I tihnk that would help me in my journey and help me explain and understand and help others to understand.

[tvillemom]

You're in my prayers! Keep in touch.....and yes, Alissa's book is great for learning about foods and what is does to us...and for us! I feel like it is my primary "cookbook" and use it more than my others. If you can get it, that would be great for you and even for your family! You can beat this thing!
Wendi

[Lunar*Fey]

tvillemom~aww thank you so much, it means a lot to me. If only my mom were as encouraging and positive...but she just keeps telling me I eat too much fruit and that I should be eating butter and more starches and potatoes and meat, etc. I really need to stop complaining, I just wanted to thank you so much, the encouragement is really helpful and helps me keep hope and faith in myself.

[tvillemom]

NUTS, SEEDS, AND AVOCADOS....FULL OF GREAT, HEALTHY PLANT FATS!! ;) There are lots of recipes with them as major ingredients! There are recipes that were just listed that were for chocolate mousse made with avos.....your mom should see you eating that...yummy and soooo good for you!! Make sure you eat these everyday...you need the plant fats!!
Wendi

[Lunar*Fey]

Thank you soo much again Tvillemom! :) I wish I had the people on this forum to make me all this yummy stuff! I try but I get discouraged when my mom is always saying "why can't you just eat normal food!?" and getting upset when I pick stuff out in the grocery store, she even sighed and said "I guess, if you have to" when I picked out nuts and avocados. I felt like breaking down and crying. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me. I just need to say that all I really want is someone to want to take care of me, someone to make me yummy raw treats and meals, someone who seems to see me as a normal human being...not a scary, ugly, abnormal, breakable porcelin doll that cannot be touched. I know she is concerned and she loves me, but...I need to get away for a while to a place where I am comfortable. But I have no where else to go...oh gosh sorry. Thank you for the advice :)

[gothgrrl]

Hi Lunar*Fey!
Reading your post was very moving for me, even at 36 I still struggle with weight issues. At your age I was eating everything I could get my hands on to avoid all of the emotional stress at home. All I kept hearing was "why don't you lose weight" or "you would be so pretty if you lost some weight" but food was my drug of choice and the only thing that I felt I could control.
As a mom you want what is best for your kids, you want them to be healthy and happy and sometimes even the best of intentions can seem to come out wrong. I'm sure your mom loves you very much, you sound like a bright, careing young lady and I'm sure that she is proud of you. She is probably just under a lot of stress and may even see your disorder as a failure on her part that she feels helpless to fix.
My advice is to always be true to yourself, you are the only one who can change your stars, and remember to have patience with your family they are only human and have their own way of showing that they care even if it isn't the "best"way.
I'm lighting a candle for you and sending you a hug filled with positive energy and light to help you in this difficult time.
((((((BH))))
Joanne (gothgrrl)

[Lunar*Fey]

Hi Joanne!
thank you so much. I completely understand and agree with what you are saying about my mom. Her husband has anger issues and sometimes verbally abuses her as well so she has that added stress, plus she has a two year old to care for. That on top of all the things she has to do for me (appointments, etc.). She has SO much stress and almost no time to herself except a dance class on monday nights and bowling tuesday nights. I feel bad. Anyway, thank you so much for writing and the positive energy :) it means a lot.

--Bristol (lunar*fey)

[kyrie]

Hello Bristol,

I understand what it is to have family problems.It can be hell, and you think it is your fault,and you can go into a negative descending spiral, both mentally, emotionally and physically.

Ok I reckon that with a situation like this you need to pray.Yup,prayer.I'm not preaching, but it can help the situation to turn around. Pray for your stepfather ( in particular),and your mom, and yourself to be happy, healthy and fulfilled in body mind and spirit.

If prayer can change my life (180 degree change) it can change anyones.It is prayer, plus consistent action that helped a dear friend of mine turn around the situation with her husband who was abusive and stalking her and their children even 4 years after their divorce.

Also you need to think positive no matter what.Write down a word picture of what you want your family and your home situation and your health to be like and read it every morning in front of the mirror.It must be written in present tense, where you are writing as if it is happening now.

Even if you don't believe it now,if you keep reading to yourself what you are writing, and expect to get it, your subconsious will eventually pick it up, and start to make it a reality.

Also if you are still at school, try contacting your local Rotary and Kiwanis clubs or doing extra curricular activities, that will help you to feel confident and cope better with things. Focus on your education, as it will give you options.

It doesn't mean things will change over night, though they can.They will however change eventually.

I was given this advice when I was 6 years old, by a very wise woman who was my mother's housekeeper.

Visualisation, and speaking what you want to become a part of your life eventually cause it to become reality.

Visualise abundance in your life and your family's life. Have a read of the Cafe Gratitude website. It really works, and I'm one of the world's born skeptics.

Thought is actually movement of matter. It just means you are not as helpless as you think.

Chin up girl, You are stronger than you think!!!!

Carla.

[jimi]

I joined so I could hug you via the net.
I have a 12 year old daughter and you remind me of how much I love her.
Difficult times call for critical measures. You are facing some challenges, and you will be better in the end because of them. There are unique and very special talents within you - discover them. There is a fascinating world around you - explore it. There are people in your life that influence you - respect them. However, these decisions are yours - embrace this time of change.

Here's a couple lines from a song I have, I hope you find them helpful:

Each day begins, an open book - it's up to you to write.
Come rain or shine, hell or highwater - we must prevail despite!

Press on girl, you're future is so bright - you ought to wear shades :cool:

[Lunar*Fey]

Kyrie~ Wow thank you so much, that advice is wonderful. I will definately do that as I completely agree with it...it just didn't hit me that I should be doing it. When thought is put to word it gives it power, to think it to say it to want it makes it possible, gives it power. ah thank you so much for helping to open my eyes. :)

Jimi~ thank you so much, I really did just smile while reading your comment. You've really helped restore my hope. And even though I don't even know you and you don't even know me...I feel loved, you've helped remind me that I'm worth something and that I have a future ahead of me. thank you :) and those song lyrics are wonderful

[heabrook]

That was great advice. YOU create your world. If you don't like the way it is going right now, create it another way. Do this by visualizing the way you want your life to be AND affirming everyday that this is happening. Use the present tense for example "All is well in my world. My mom accepts me just the way I am." :D

hugs & good thoughts to you,
heather

[Lunar*Fey]

thanks Heather :D aww I love this forum