Ooh another new one!

[thunderdancer]

Ok, maybe i'm being a bit cheeky now...
Starting off both new sections :)

This one is just SO perfect, so well timed for me, I have to say thank you Alissa again!!

Today is my 1st day on my 2 week self-retreat.
I'm really happy to have a place where I can share about it.

This morning I did yoga for the 1st time ever, I forgot how much it opens me to my feelings, I know it's going to be a powerful tool for me. It even helped my posture and made me breathe more, both of which were disconcerting and 'uncomfortable' at first but then I got into it and it felt good.

Can anyone tell me, do you find it hard to give yourself the things you know are good for you? And how do you come through this?
I am making my first 'closed comittments' in many years this week, it feels good, I had to overcome a lot of issues with the words (and old concepts of) 'discipline' and 'willpower' to get to this space.

Love,

[Kristi]

It is very hard for me to give myself the things that are good for me. As a wife and mother, daughter and the oldest sister of 5, I take care of people. I find great joy in it, don't get me wrong, but I often forget me. I try to remember what the flight attendants say prior to take off....."if the oxygen masks should drop, put yours on first so you will be able to take care of anyone around you that may need assistance." I need to remember that I need to give myself life giving things so I can better care for others. Another phrase I like to remember is, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

[Rawkinlocs]

"if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

Alright now! I LIKE that...I think we need to put that in huge, bold letters and frame it and put it all over the house!! :D

[thunderdancer]

That's beautiful Kristi - I just shared it with my mum :o

[thunderdancer]

Right then... commitment to doing what's good for me.

I've been thinking/feeling on this one a lot.
In the past i've done a lot of goal making and writing lists and making promises to myself. I sued to make lists of all the lists I could make!!
When it comes to making promises to others - no problem! But to myself, it's like they're made of mist, they just evaporate.
It was too easy to break them.
And I rebelled against words like:
*commitment
*patience
*goals
*discipline (that was a biggie!)
*willpower
Well in the past few months or year i've done some 'processing' and realised how much I rebelled against the concepts I put behind these words.
Like comittment just used to sound to me like 'you never commit to anything' and I felt useless and lazy.
Patience, well that's still hard, I want fitness, spiritual enlightenment and a big brain and I want it NOW hehe but i've learned to trust and surrender and to slow down a bit even if I still rush - when I do I can see it at least.
Goals - just reminded me of doing my exams at school, where i'm sure I burnt out, since then i've not been able to study or focus or find any kind of drive. Goals implied to me that without doing certain things I was not worthy. Discipline - well that just conjured up images of my dad yelling at us 'you've got no discipline!!' and I always associated it with fitting in, being like everyone else, a good little girl, doing as I was told without question - none of those things appeal to me as I am now.
Willpower - well it didn't really mean anything, my will was taken away, I was supposed to 'just do it' as it was 'the thing to do'. None of that thanks - i'm now a free spirited, free willed adult and I love my individuality and ability and right to question and learn. Soooooo, now i'm different. And those words have different meanings for me now i've seen how they used to feel to me - I have created new labels for them, labels that serve me. Here's what they mean to me now:
Commitment
Realising when something is for the good of me and all concerned and doing it for that reason, that reason alone cuts through the stuff and brings desire from a place of love and compassion
Patience
Is trusting in Life/God/The Universe and that all is happening just in the right time and place and manner for the good of all :)
Goals
Could be anything. And ideally wouldn't be needed I don't feel, not if I was 100% enlightened and grounded in mind body and spirit, i'd do everything purely spontaneously as it would just arise in me, but i'm not :) I'm human and so I make goals, like the micromovements, the baby steps, they help me keep growing.
Discipline
Is caring enough about myself and others to have commitment and patience
Willpower
Is the power of my will. The strength of my passion. Everything is driven by my will. I went through a long time of not having the passion for anything much at all, it was a struggle to do anything. Even the things I thought I loved didn't call to me anymore. After living out here, blessed time of solitude and peace, I came to understand that I had to do what I needed. If that was to sleep, sleep, if that was to to be scared to death to go out the front door - be scared, hold myself, feel through it. The passion to dance, play my new guitar, watch the stars, draw, paint, play music, make things, none of it was there till I gave myself the basics. Now it's coming back :D Bit by bit. I never did get the passion for French, it was never my goal, it was one imposed by others expectaions that I took on, as soon as I released it, I felt so free! And with it came some passion, the WILL to dance which I have always been to scared to do. The 1st thing to come back was the urge to create - I made cards for peoples' birthdays and Christmas and I even made some gifts too. Bit by bit my own will, my passion is coming back. It took me a year to get the will to go on the trams here for the 1st time, it took longer for me to be able to go to the post office and buy stamps without thinking I would die from panic. Now I can go anywhere and get by, I can go on trains and go anywhere in the WORLD if I wanted to!! Being out here has made me stronger, made me more me. I feel like anything is possible now. I know that in going home to the UK I can get a job without fear, I can go anywhere! When I left home at 17 I was scared of using the phone to call the cinema for times, I would beg someone to do it for me - now I can do it in Belgium - so I know I can do it anywhere :D

Cor, I went on a bit there...
It feels easy and safe to share on here, thank you for that.

What was I getting at.. ah yep, how am I going to make sure I give to myself. Well writing out I feel DEEP DOWN about those words/concepts has helped a LOT. Of course in practise it isn't as clear and easy as the theory. Mind chatterbox gets in the way and ego plays tricks and all sorts. So now, with my new words and feelings to go with them, I can make closed commitments/goals. Closed as in no room for breaking - sounds scary, in fact they aren't going to be THAT closed or I will just want to rebel :cool: so here's what I mean by closed commitments, they're just normal goals I guess, but the very phrase helps me to accept them. Even now I feel the rebelling..

*Be raw and do my best to nourish my health and body too 100%
Keep the 30 day challenge journal - this helps!
Take my enzymes and find other help too

*Do yoga every day (see, no times - that would be 'too closed')

*Do meditation every day
No matter how small, like sitting watching the geese and the ripples on the lake this morning, I did 3 breaths without mind chattering

*Do exercise every day (again no time, that may come)
Any form - weights, skipping, jogging/walking

*Walk outside purely for walking's sake every morning
(my most closed one! does NOT include walking to the shop!)

I reckon that after a while these will a) become a habit (like brushing my teeth or feeding the fish) and b) will become so associated with gooness and wellbeing that I won't think to miss them or even have to look at my list.

Thanks for listening :)

[NWgal]

Right then... commitment to doing what's good for me.

I've been thinking/feeling on this one a lot.
In the past i've done a lot of goal making and writing lists and making promises to myself. I sued to make lists of all the lists I could make!!
When it comes to making promises to others - no problem! But to myself, it's like they're made of mist, they just evaporate.
It was too easy to break them.
And I rebelled against words like:
*commitment
*patience
*goals
*discipline (that was a biggie!)
*willpower
Well in the past few months or year i've done some 'processing' and realised how much I rebelled against the concepts I put behind these words.
Like comittment just used to sound to me like 'you never commit to anything' and I felt useless and lazy.
Patience, well that's still hard, I want fitness, spiritual enlightenment and a big brain and I want it NOW hehe but i've learned to trust and surrender and to slow down a bit even if I still rush - when I do I can see it at least.
Goals - just reminded me of doing my exams at school, where i'm sure I burnt out, since then i've not been able to study or focus or find any kind of drive. Goals implied to me that without doing certain things I was not worthy. Discipline - well that just conjured up images of my dad yelling at us 'you've got no discipline!!' and I always associated it with fitting in, being like everyone else, a good little girl, doing as I was told without question - none of those things appeal to me as I am now.
Willpower - well it didn't really mean anything, my will was taken away, I was supposed to 'just do it' as it was 'the thing to do'. None of that thanks - i'm now a free spirited, free willed adult and I love my individuality and ability and right to question and learn. Soooooo, now i'm different. And those words have different meanings for me now i've seen how they used to feel to me - I have created new labels for them, labels that serve me. Here's what they mean to me now:
Commitment
Realising when something is for the good of me and all concerned and doing it for that reason, that reason alone cuts through the stuff and brings desire from a place of love and compassion
Patience
Is trusting in Life/God/The Universe and that all is happening just in the right time and place and manner for the good of all :)
Goals
Could be anything. And ideally wouldn't be needed I don't feel, not if I was 100% enlightened and grounded in mind body and spirit, i'd do everything purely spontaneously as it would just arise in me, but i'm not :) I'm human and so I make goals, like the micromovements, the baby steps, they help me keep growing.
Discipline
Is caring enough about myself and others to have commitment and patience
Willpower
Is the power of my will. The strength of my passion. Everything is driven by my will. I went through a long time of not having the passion for anything much at all, it was a struggle to do anything. Even the things I thought I loved didn't call to me anymore. After living out here, blessed time of solitude and peace, I came to understand that I had to do what I needed. If that was to sleep, sleep, if that was to to be scared to death to go out the front door - be scared, hold myself, feel through it. The passion to dance, play my new guitar, watch the stars, draw, paint, play music, make things, none of it was there till I gave myself the basics. Now it's coming back :D Bit by bit. I never did get the passion for French, it was never my goal, it was one imposed by others expectaions that I took on, as soon as I released it, I felt so free! And with it came some passion, the WILL to dance which I have always been to scared to do. The 1st thing to come back was the urge to create - I made cards for peoples' birthdays and Christmas and I even made some gifts too. Bit by bit my own will, my passion is coming back. It took me a year to get the will to go on the trams here for the 1st time, it took longer for me to be able to go to the post office and buy stamps without thinking I would die from panic. Now I can go anywhere and get by, I can go on trains and go anywhere in the WORLD if I wanted to!! Being out here has made me stronger, made me more me. I feel like anything is possible now. I know that in going home to the UK I can get a job without fear, I can go anywhere! When I left home at 17 I was scared of using the phone to call the cinema for times, I would beg someone to do it for me - now I can do it in Belgium - so I know I can do it anywhere :D

Cor, I went on a bit there...
It feels easy and safe to share on here, thank you for that.

What was I getting at.. ah yep, how am I going to make sure I give to myself. Well writing out I feel DEEP DOWN about those words/concepts has helped a LOT. Of course in practise it isn't as clear and easy as the theory. Mind chatterbox gets in the way and ego plays tricks and all sorts. So now, with my new words and feelings to go with them, I can make closed commitments/goals. Closed as in no room for breaking - sounds scary, in fact they aren't going to be THAT closed or I will just want to rebel :cool: so here's what I mean by closed commitments, they're just normal goals I guess, but the very phrase helps me to accept them. Even now I feel the rebelling..

*Be raw and do my best to nourish my health and body too 100%
Keep the 30 day challenge journal - this helps!
Take my enzymes and find other help too

*Do yoga every day (see, no times - that would be 'too closed')

*Do meditation every day
No matter how small, like sitting watching the geese and the ripples on the lake this morning, I did 3 breaths without mind chattering

*Do exercise every day (again no time, that may come)
Any form - weights, skipping, jogging/walking

*Walk outside purely for walking's sake every morning
(my most closed one! does NOT include walking to the shop!)

I reckon that after a while these will a) become a habit (like brushing my teeth or feeding the fish) and b) will become so associated with gooness and wellbeing that I won't think to miss them or even have to look at my list.

Thanks for listening :)
thanks for sharing! its inspiring..