Worried about this board

[Rawmommie]

Alright, this has been weighing on my mind for quite a while and I thought I would bring it up, even if it's just to give some awareness to others.

I have been on other raw boards in the past that were awful, harsh, judgemental, and the people were just plain mean. When I found Alissa's board a year and a half ago, I was SO HAPPY. Everyone was supportive and understanding. Everyone helped out each other and were patient and kind.

I have seen a slow change here. I see newbies being attacked. No, no one is yelling or being super rude, but I hear a tone of aggravation with newbies and a tone of higher-than-thou too.

I am 100% aside from some slips in 2005. I suggest to people who are having trouble that they might want to go 100% for 30 days (just as Alissa suggests), but I don't judge them when they don't. I don't talk down to them and I don't treat them badly. There are members on this board that have been transitioning for the last 2 years and still aren't completely raw, but that is THEIR JOURNEY, not mine. 100% works for me and I tell people that, but I can't stand to see the judging and nazi-like attitudes around here lately.

This board has kept me sane, kept me raw, and helped me in so many ways. I would hate to see it go down the road that some other boards have gone down. This is how it starts though. As soon as everyone decides that their way is the ONLY way, then the judgements fly.

Just hoping that we can have some more patience with others and be the loving, open board that we have been in the past.

[misslinda]

Karen (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Why do you disappear every now and then? I miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! :)

Great point, IMO people come here in desperation most of the time looking for an answer to their health issues.....it's very emotional and you're right, we need to be sensitve to what they may be going thru.

BTW, I haven't noticed that though..........maybe I haven't read the threads that you're referring to..........cue me??? :D

[rawredbone]

Amen...this is why I am still a sprout..I dont relpy a lot because of the what the the replies come across or when a questions is ask no one will reply to them.

[Rawmommie]

You know, I never really disappear, I'm always here reading. ;) Sometimes I do feel like people are being harsh, so I back off a little on my posting. I can't point you to any threads specifically, it's just a feeling I get when reading a LOT of the posts lately. I would say that I'm being oversensitive, but really, the board just seems different to me lately. *shrug*

I get the feeling people are annoyed with anyone who is interested in weightloss (these are usually the people who don't have any weight to lose) :p or questioning raw in any way, or wanting to tweak things if they aren't feeling better, etc.

I can tell you from experience (yes, I have experience...lately that seems to be of super duper importance too) that I had a binging problem and have to watch my nuts and avocado's(I'll eat 6 avocado's a day or more if given the chance). Now, normally if I post this, I feel like I would get attacked for it. There are many different ways to be raw. I think all the different raw foodists that have written books out there would agree. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think we are different and our bodies react differently to different things. BUT, I always stress in the beginning that people should eat 30 days at 100% raw, as long as it's raw, it's fair game.

[JMD]

Rawmommie..

Good to see you!!!

I must agree I have seen more posts lately of people being so ASSERTIVE that their point of view be HEARD and arguing over things that are all IMO personal EXPERIENCE. NO one here is a guru but some act like it.

I guess I notice it b/c I am super sensitive and also a teacher and really try to not discount what someone's point is--EVEN if i totally disagree.

BUT those that are like that are few and far between. I find most here SO warm and loving. I guess I take what I like and leave the rest.....
To me, if someone is struggling I need to hear that because i was once there too and can offer some help IF i think i can. I try to not advise on things I have no personal experience with. BUT that is just me:)
Thanks for your courage and honesty..I have felt some similar feelings too over the past month or so.:)

JMD

[brwnrawgirl]

Thank you for posting this because still consider myself new though my register date reads September 2005...I did not take raw seriously until 3/1 when join the 2006 spring cleaning challenge. It's been great and the support has helped me tremendously. I would hate to see such a warm and welcoming place change into something other.

BTW- what is the difference between a sprout and a root?... I noticed it on each post but how is that measured, updated or changed?

[Raene]

I think you turn into a root after 100 posts. :)

[SimpleGirl]

I get the feeling people are annoyed with anyone who is interested in weightloss (these are usually the people who don't have any weight to lose) :p or questioning raw in any way, or wanting to tweak things if they aren't feeling better, etc.

I have actually spent the last two nights tossing and turning about comments that have been made recently in the weight lose threads. Thank you Rawmommie for bringing this topic to light. I have been unsuccessful at maintaining 100% for very long but I do maintain a very raw life. When I read the authoratative comments I just want to leave the site and not return. But yet I am searching for support and inspiration and so I return.

I do have one question that I know is of interest to several others-how do I incorporate the occassional slip (intentional or not) into my otherwise hgh raw lifestyle. Lately, I do not feel that this topic would be tolerated.

[Beanie]

I'm just posting that I agree, thats why I post very little nowadays. Because if I were to mention something like Bragg's, OMG, I would be slaughtered!

[Alissa]

If there are people on this board who are rude, harsh and impatient with people, please let me know about this. If we continue to get complaints about the same individual I will contact them and speak with them about this. I want this board to be a healing, supportive and kind place and I want you all to feel welcome here and able to ask any questions you feel are important without fear of being yelled at, judged or criticized.

Im so sorry some of you are experiencing this here but as you ‘oldies’ know, we don’t put up with this here unless we overlook it and that’s what seems to be happening here. It seems that maybe it’s in subtle ways with certain people? Please let the moderators know and we will watch for these people and these posts.

It can be difficult at times on a forum board to know where people are coming from and sometimes things are not said correctly. There are also times when people’s patience run short. We all have different parts of our personalities and sometimes our best side is not shown in our everyday writings here. There may be times when people get on the board and write and they are not in the best space to be doing so. So sometimes we need to make sure we don’t get sucked in to others personalities and emotions and its best just to ignore that person until they come back another day. But if this continues to happen with the same individual or similar post, again, please let us know and we will gladly look into this. You are the eyes and ears for us as well and appreciate your feedback. It is extremely important to me that you all feel welcome and safe here!

Best,
Alissa

[lily]

It's lovely to know that you're there, watching over us, Alissa!

I think sometimes people's enthusiasm comes across so forcefully that it can seem a little daunting... It's mainly a 'wording' thing, I think... perhaps prefacing things with 'well this is what worked for me', or 'maybe try this' etc, rather than wording it so that it sounds like it's the only way, the 'rules'...

We're all on this journey, at different stages, doing it as well as we can according to our situation, and the love, help and support that comes across is what makes this board so special...

love and hugs

lily

[RowanC]

Hi Rawmommie,

I am sorry you are feeling that the board is changing.
One of the things I love about this board is the way we are allowed to give our points of view and talk about it.

I know sometimes it can feel like people are arguing. But I don't think that's always true.

It's really difficult to have a conversation online because a huge percentage of conversing is reading body language, facial expressions, etc., and that's something you can't see when you're talking online. You read something and the person may actually be smiling or blushing when they say it but becuase either you are frightened or nervous or maybe are having a bad or sad day, you might take what they say negatively, when really all they were doing was expressing opinion.

In the end, I think it's important to stress that nobody can MAKE you mad, sad, upset. You can only do that to yourself by your reaction to what they say or do. You always have the choice to say, "Oh well... I don't agree," and shrug it off. In fact, if you change your NEEDS to PREFERENCES, you will find that literally ALL of your upsetedness goes away. Because when you PREFER something be a certain way, you're not invested in the outcome.

So, I PREFER people take my MCS seriously, but if they don't and if they make light of it, I just figure they're ignorant and that's their issue. If I insisted that they took it seriously, I'd be angry each and every day.

Sometimes too, we say things to express ourselves that really are overstatments. I know I"m really guilty of this. I'll say something like "I could strangle that person" but what I'm really meaning is that they frustrated me. I wouldn't really strangle anyone, for goodness sakes. It's just a way of expressing my frustration. When I'm in a group of people I don't know, I'm more reserved, but if I feel I am among peers, I just say what I feel and figure people will challenge me if they don't agree and then we can discuss.

Also, I'm Portuguese and I tend to "talk with my hands" in person ... and I know in my writing that translates to being very OPINIONATED. It's a cultural thing... our family has long, loud discussions and everyone's laughing. My poor daughter in law, who is Vietnamese, is fearful we're all fighting.... but we're not. We're just loud.

Anyway, I hope you'll be around more and share your thoughts and opinions too. It NEVER hurts us to hear as many opinions as there are people. We don't have to agree.. we can discuss.. we can disagree. But in the end, we all are seeking the same thing which I believe to be support from like-minded people, good health and a peaceful existence.

I wish you all of these,
Rowan

[misslinda]

Alissa, that was well said!!!!!!!!! Sometimes we can get caught up on personalities too vs the content of what he/she is saying...... but like Alissa said nothing can be done if they don't know about it.

:cool: :p :mad: :rolleyes: <~~~~all rawbies with different personalities


If in doubt folks, use your little smiley symbols to the right......... :)

:)

[dreamrawalwz]

I agree. I've been watching this board for over a year now and it has slowly been changing in dynamics. There are only a few specific people I can think of, so not that many, but still. This is still the best board out there and the most supportive, it's just a few posts/repsonses that are "a tone of higher-than-thou."

[faith4u]

I agree totally. I have noticed a huge shift and don't post very much nor read very many posts because it is so aggravating.

I thought that when I first came here it was much more supportive and friendly than it is now.

[pdx kris]

I'm so happy you posted this. I am pretty new to this board, and felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief when I found it because it was so different than the NFL board which I left. I haven't really been posting lately though because it seems to have gotten a little more agressive.

Raw is such a healing path, I wish that all of us in the raw community could just accept and respect each other despite differing philosophies.

[jagged]

Rawmommie

Thank you for starting this thread. There was another thread started in February by lanasq http://www.rawfoodtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11006 citing the same concerns.

I have lurked on this board for some time, and frankly debated for a long time before I decided to register, specifically because of some of the harshness I have witnessed here.

Perhaps I spend too much time on this board, but I have recently seen a few stunningly vicious attacks on someone and this was disheartening in the extreme. Thank you to the moderator(s) who erased the offending posts.

I think some good people with valuable contributions have been made to feel uncomfortable because of some of the dialogue and have left this board as a result, and this is a loss to everyone.

None of us are perfect and none of us know everything, but most importantly, none of us deserve to be attacked, belittled, or humiliated by any member of this board. We all have something valuable to contribute, and perhaps that question that has been asked for the seven hundredth time will be worded in such a was as to finally give someone their “AHA” moment. Patience, patience.

[pdx kris]

Shivananda,

Your reply made me smile. :)

[Denise Nicole]

Shivananda,

Your reply made me smile. :)

Myself also ;)

[Rawmommie]

Thank you Alissa for addressing the issue. The reason this board is so wonderful is b/c it's YOUR board and your caring, open personality has made it grow. :)

I don't want this to become a *bash the board* thread. My main intention was to point out that there is a way that Alissa approaches raw that is very gentle and supportive and I think since this is her site, we should all do our part to continue that.

There are MANY people who pop in, look around, and are debating in their mind whether they should do raw. I want them to see a supportive environment where if someone slips and needs to talk about it and get through it, they don't get bashed or treated like they have sinned.

When I was first starting, I did 2 months at 100% and then slipped on a holiday. It was very hard to get back to 100% and I kept beating myself up, but when I came here and was told that it happens and to just do my best, it gave me the courage to continue and made me see that this is a JOURNEY.

I don't think that the people who are being raw food nazi's realize that this is what they are doing, but when they argue and push and push and discount other people's experiences, this forum becomes less supportive and more pushy.

Thank you for validating my feelings everyone. It warms my heart to know that I can share my concerns here and be heard. :)

[Forever Young]

My wife Pansy and I agree, a lot of people are attacking anyone who dosen't agree with there point of view, we have followed this site since it started, we just don't post that much. Pansy dosn't want to post at all and wanted to delete this site because of some of the people on here. We have been doing raw food for over 4 years now and we know what works for us, we started when there wasn't any info out there to help you, so for all the new people they need to understand how much easier it is now than before. It's all right to have an opinion about things, just don't attack someone before you have more experience on the subject. Not that I'am an expert, I know what works for me. Peace and Love my friends. Forever Young :cool:

[Sillybloss]

Thanks, Rawmommie, for speaking up on behalf of all the others who were too afraid to. And thanks also to Shivandanda (I simply can't remember how to spell that right, sorry!) - I personally really value your advice.

I believe that it's OK to say, "I don't eat Braggs b/c it's not raw", or "I don't eat almond butter b/c I don't have confidence that it's raw". I think we just have to state our opinions like that. It reminds me of some marriage advice I got early on - don't say "YOU", say "I" (In others words, "YOU shouldn't...", "people like YOU...", etc.)

As we say....my 2 cents :)

[MIKEMERTZ]

Here was one of my first posts from this thread: http://www.rawfoodtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11163


''What I really appreciate is the general posting of the positive. I did'nt realize there could be a subject-forum that could be relatively joyful to visit. I have a few interests and have found my way to their respective forums only to be exposed to negativity and sarcasm to a point where I became infected with negative attitudes and hostility---waste of energy.
I think it takes a fair amount of maturity to sit on one's hands and let others give their opinion and this forum generally exemplifies this. Lots of exposure to the female perspective and manners. YOU GO GIRLS!''

mike

[JinxieKat]

<snip>
I know sometimes it can feel like people are arguing. But I don't think that's always true.
<snip>



Rowan, that is just a wonderful way of explaining the limitations of posting in a text environment. I am also a newbie to this board but I feel that this board is very encouraging and is simply a wonderful place to be!

Communication is such a complicated process that even with our lovely little smiles :D it is hard to parse it down into simply words. That is why authors are so skilled, they are painting without color, creating an entire world out of black symbols on white paper. It is an amazing process, unfortunately we are not all authors! Goodness knows that while I enjoy a good book I am far from a professional writer. Then you have to keep in mind that the internet is a global forum, the person who's message you are reading may not be a native speaker of English. That just muddies the waters even further cause let's face it, english is a confusing language and when you add in slang terms it makes it even more so.

Then you have to add into that already murky mess that different people have different ways of communicating. I know alot of very nice people who would help anyone out, but man are they blunt as all get out when you talk to them. They tell it like it is and that is that! It can be hard to swallow if your not the same way. When you come across that sometimes it is best to simply ask, "Hey, did you really meant to come across that way?" I know I have a woman I work with that I have to ask her that sometimes and she is great to work with. Just took a bit of getting used to how she communicates, it isn't wrong, just different! I hope that if I ever come across badly that someone will do me the favor of asking, the last thing I ever want to do is offend anyone. I bet most here feel the same way. :)

But before I take off on a big tangent, my college major was communications, I'll stop right here. It is one of my favorite topics. :D

Jinx

[Rawkinlocs]

Okay, I'd like to weigh in on this one too.

I understand all that has been written and I really like what Jinxiecat wrote.

It IS difficult to always know what someone really meant or how they intended a post to come across.

There is one person in particular who has been accused many times of being too harsh or abrupt and therefore, people think this person is mean and rude when in fact, they are one of the nicest people. Sometimes I see posts that are a bit over the top, but other times I see posts that some think is being rude, yet others (when I ask opinions of others about the post) look at it and say, "I don't think they were rude at all" and oftentimes I'll feel the same way as the latter person...it won't feel rude to me. That sometimes puts ME in a bad position as a moderator because I get accused of being biased or showing favortism when that isn't even the case, I just simply don't view certain things as rude that someone else might view as rude. It's difficult to know what to do in those instances.

I know people like this in my everyday, offline life...I know two people I can think of right now who are very blunt, very direct and they just speak their minds...sometimes at the cost of hurting one's feelings IF you don't know this person and that it's just their personality. But if you ever go to either of these people for help, they will give you the shirt off their backs...they are very loving and caring...they just come across abruptly in communication.

I also understand that newbies come on and they ask questions...sometimes questions that have been answered numerous times and that's expected because, well, they're new and they don't know things have been discussed. So this is why in the past I have stated that IF YOU ARE FEELING ANNOYED BY A POST, it's best to just skip over it and move on to the next. I know that even I have my days when I'm just irritable, in a bad mood, upset or whatever and little things tick me off. On those days, I try to stay away from posting on this board because anything I say can and probably will come across harshly.

But even aside from that, I am also seeing where some members are shooting down everything (or seemingly everything) that someone says or posts about certain topics. Sometimes you just gotta allow people to believe what they choose to believe. I mean, even with raw foods, we don't go around (or at least we should not be going around) telling everyone how wrong they are for eating cooked food. Sure, we'd love to shout from the rooftop that eating raw is best and what it has done for you...but we also know that people are where they are and you can't force anyone to believe what we believe. That goes for other things as well be it religion, beliefs in the medical/scientific industry or whatever...we can't force people to change their beliefs and most of all, their experiences.

So all in all, I think that we can be a little nicer and kinder and if we cannot, if that is difficult to do be it due to a bad day or just our personality, then maybe we should hold our peace.
I think we all can sprinkle sugar on our words even when our thoughts may be something else. I know I've done this before. In my mind I'm saying, ":rolleyes:What in the WORLD are they talking about?" but I won't express that in my typing.

Also, if someone is feeling as though they are being picked on or treated in a rude manner, then let us know...all mods have their email addresses visible in our profiles. Now, I'm not saying that if you think someone else is being treated badly that you report every incident you see, I'm speaking to the people who feel THEY are being treated badly...let us know. Or better yet, maybe even contact that individual or ask the individual in the same thread you felt you were attacked in if that was their intention...let them know they offended you or hurt your feelings and give that person a chance to apologize and possibly clarify what they really meant. If they, indeed, meant to hurt you intentionally then we can do something about that.

[jaurequi]

Thanks to rawmommie for being brave enough to say so ;)

I just let things go as this isn't my board and I'm not a moderator.

However, I also don't post a lot about my experiences, discoveries, things that do or do not work for me, or even joyous changes because of the stated reasons and "I'm 100 %" raw...

[PATH301]

Rawmommie,
Thankyou for having the courage to post this thread.


I have been on other raw boards in the past that were awful, harsh, judgemental, and the people were just plain mean. When I found Alissa's board a year and a half ago, I was SO HAPPY. Everyone was supportive and understanding. Everyone helped out each other and were patient and kind.
This was one of the reasons why I kept coming back was that poeple were so supportive and I was able to launch my understanding of raw and grow quicker. There are just so many great leaders here to assist people in their struggles.
Now I have come across points of views that are for women only - this is understandable so those post I don't comment on - no problem, no worries.
I'll agree that there have some points of view that do not allow other people to learn freely. Everybody needs to be able to make their decisions with out being pressured to do so. When I have a questions, I really like it when people take their time to help me by giving me links and there personal growth experiences, and information that they have learned. This enables me to make good decisions. This is what I have experienced here on RFT and this is what I try to give back as well. I like peoples different types of humor and openness and honesty. This is a rare place to come and learn. People are human we all make mistakes and we all grow and learn. I know that everybody will be doing their best to keep it that way :D

[rawpriestess]

Rawmommie, thanks for starting this thread, as I think this needs to be said.

I've seen many posts lately that are entirely not called for, attacking people personally, and being unkind.

This will not be tollerated.

But PLEASE know that your opinion is important, and I love reading about all the different lifestyles, and personalities, some are fun and playful, some are very serious, others more Earthy, and on it goes.

We are all individuals and we all have a right to say what we want, as long as it is truthful and kind. There is no reason to be cruel or mean.

When this happens, it simply shows that YOU are the problem, not the solution.

So, please if you are feeling picked on or attacked, please let us mods know, we may not act on it instantly as we aren't always at our computers, but we will eventually see it, and do our best to help.

Help us to help you have the best raw experience of your life.

[yumyum]

I think maybe it would be a good idea, to have a rule of thumb saying "I don't have to be right, I just say what works for me and then I'm on my way".

I hope I never hurt people's feelings. I'm totally in the sandbox here, just trying to keep the dream of being healthy, alive. If arguments, and yes, I've seen tempered arguments here today, - happen, then I think people need to chill and just leave be. No one will ever be declared a winner in such things and it hurts inside with all that anger. I walked away today, because I was lucky enough not to feel an urge to contribute. lol.

Wishing peace and happiness to all. :)

[Shivananda]

Shivananda,

Your reply made me smile. :)

Myself also ;) Thanks, I'm glad you both got grins from what I said.

Of course I find it highly ironic that you both smiled at that post, the meta-point of which was intended to be a reminder that being overly serious is unhealthy and that keeping a sense of humor is important, but that someone else got upset by it instead, and the post has now been deleted.

I guess someone else missed the point that you both seemed to get. Ah well, such is life. :)

[Shivananda]

And thanks also to Shivandanda (I simply can't remember how to spell that right, sorry!) - I personally really value your advice. You are very welcome Billyslosh.

And no worries, I'm not fussy about how you spell Shivabananarama as long as you are smiling when you do it. Even Shiva is fine, and short. If I'd had any idea when I first registered here that I'd be participating this much I probably have just chosen something short and easy, like maybe Weed. :D

[swiss_miss]

Hmmm I wonder If I am the little trouble maker Rawkinlocks is refering too...I think I miiight be, well anyways I have definetly been accused of being harsh and mean...I really dont think I was though. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am 20 and I have a lot to say but I dont think that will change with age. I personally feel that a lot of people on this board are soooooo sensitive a take things just a wee bit too personally. I feel like people on here are afraid to have an opinion and actually say something for fear of offending someone. Why is everyone so sensitive?!?! what is going on? If someone says something u dont particularly like or agree with then suck it up, brush it off and move on cuz theres no need to burst into tears over someones opinion.

[ljannise]

I noticed an "ignore" button on ppl's profiles. What's the problem?

I havent seen any mud slinging yet. Things can get really crazy at sites.

Like I've said before (and a lot of other ppl too) You can tell who hasnt read Alissa's book.

And there are a lot of users here that have been around for a L O N G time but are still considered "sprouts". These ppl prefer quality vs. quantity. I like ppl like that. I think what is important here is 1) Alissa & her mission & 2) What this site REALLY is about

[Rawkinlocs]

Hmmm I wonder If I am the little trouble maker Rawkinlocks is refering too...I think I miiight be, well anyways I have definetly been accused of being harsh and mean...I really dont think I was though. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am 20 and I have a lot to say but I dont think that will change with age. I personally feel that a lot of people on this board are soooooo sensitive a take things just a wee bit too personally. I feel like people on here are afraid to have an opinion and actually say something for fear of offending someone. Why is everyone so sensitive?!?! what is going on? If someone says something u dont particularly like or agree with then suck it up, brush it off and move on cuz theres no need to burst into tears over someones opinion. You can rest easy, no one has come to me about you and you weren't the point of reference in my post.

Bu-uut your post above could very well be one of the types of things people in this thread are referring to. Not everyone has the nature of "let it roll of your back" or "suck it up and drive on"...some people are sensitive by nature just as some people are blunt by nature. I am sensitive, but I can also be harsh...but I also know how to be polite even in my bluntness.

[ljannise]

Just posting this for anyone who is interested....

ALISSA'S MISSION STATEMENT..... (take this as a whole & not a few sentences to manipulate an argument/debate etc.)








This is a mission statement and just a basic guideline about what is and is
not accepted and expected on this board:
-----------------------------------------------------
You may ask whatever questions you like and discuss whatever you want about the vegan raw food diet. You do not have to be 100% raw or even 50% raw, but you do need to be supportive of this lifestyle and striving towards or interested in this raw vegan diet. If you are having doubts or thinking that this is not for you that is fine but then this may not be the place for you. Just like a meat eaters board or a macrobiotic board would not be the place for a raw fooder who is just interested in forcing their thoughts upon those people. These people on this board are here for support, motivation and connection.
I would appreciate it if everyone would abide by this post.
Thank you,
Alissa

Extended mission statement since some people seem to need to hear more:

This is a raw food board for asking and receiving questions and answers in regards to going and staying raw. This board is for the support of the raw food lifestyle, getting and giving advice and connecting with other people who are STRIVING TO GO AND BE RAW VEGAN. It is not for debating whether this diet is good or bad or for posting questions that try to debunk the raw food diet. This does not mean that people cannot ask questions and seek answers but just as a raw fooder or someone believing in the raw food diet would not go to a meat board, a macrobiotic or an Atkins board and start debating those fellow board members beliefs, questioning their approach to their personal diets and interrupting and disrupting there place of support, so is this not appropriate on this board. This board is for people wanting support and connection.

There is enough fear and mistruth and debating about diet going on in all of the places outside of this Internet circle. This is not the place for that. It is a place to come and share your same interest in the vegan raw food diet, get support and feel connected. If you need information that you feel you are not finding here or are looking for opposing views about this diet and want to discuss these view, this is not the place to do that. Search the net and you can find all you want. You are welcome to ask questions and have different opinions but please be mindful and respectful that this is a raw food board whose members are raw, striving to be raw and/or are searching for vegan raw food information.

[ljannise]

I think I am blunt by nature, but I have such a big heart. I put other ppl 1st. I always felt this was a downfall, but how can it be a bad thing to help others???

[Rawmommie]

"This board is for the support of the raw food lifestyle, getting and giving advice and connecting with other people who are STRIVING TO GO AND BE RAW VEGAN."

EXACTLY. I think one of the problems is that everyone has a different idea about what supporting raw vegans is.

For me, support is helping others find solutions if they are having trouble, etc. within the boundaries of a raw lifestyle.

Recently on some of the weightloss threads people have been attacked for suggesting things like cutting down on nuts or combining foods, etc. These are the things I am referring to. How can YOU know what works for each individual. I'm not talking about eating cooked, I'm talking about tweaking the raw diet. Some people do great on 8-1-1, some do great making all kinds of recipes, some people have problems with binging, etc.

What I dislike is the remarks about how no matter what, eating raw will solve every issue. It doesn't always. Some of us have had slightly different journies (STILL WITHIN THE PARAMETERS OF 100% RAW) that have helped us. Some people eat more nuts to deal with headaches, some eat less to deal with them.

When posting to a newbie, I will always suggest just eating all raw for 30 days, many times even after 30 I will suggest the same. BUT, we aren't all newbies here. Some of us have had different reactions to foods and I don't think we should be condemned for that. It's still all about striving to be 100% raw vegan.

Hope I'm making sense here. Oh and as for hurt feelings, I haven't really been hurt, just worried about how other people might feel in some of the threads. I know everyone has different opinions, I just think they all should be valued. :)

[ljannise]

I dont like it when ppl are told NOT to eat something. I dont like 100% Raw to have limits. Ppl read this & get too scared to try Raw.

I loved what you said about the avacado. I wish we could make comments like that so much more often. Ppl need to read that avas & nuts are OKAY.

If you give 100% raw an honest try...THEN you can say something, but I have an issue with being a member here & reading arguments from other ppl that have not been raw for a WEEK let alone 1+years & they complain about still having complications.

I support those who have an earnest strive to become 100% & I will give as much time as needed. I want to HELP them. I do NOT get along with ppl that want everything done for them. Nor do I get along with those who come here to Troll up Alissa's site or those who nit pick everything they dont like hearing. They come here to whine. Making a thread to deliberately ask how to get back to cooked???? No way!!!

You can tell who wont buy Alissa's book. It saddens me. If you cant afford it, go to your library, ask if someone here will loan a copy...SOMETHING. Read it.

[ljannise]

I'm interested in learning what issues havent been helped by 100% raw!!

Binging is something I can speak on. Raw saved me from bulimia. Raw saves ppl from anorexia too.

[Crystl-jade]

Great post

My question is... where are all the responsible moderators? :confused:
It's seems to me that the raw lifestyle should increase the sensitivity of peoples hearts?l..... :eek:

Feel sorry for the low lifes, they haven't anything better to do, and how miserable they must be, putting others down all the time. That is their Hell, I Imagine.

I agree that this board has been a tremoundous help. However, there are quite a few here who take it upon themselves to put down other's ideas and opinions, just to make themselves look good. Also, I have noticed people just dont say thank you anymore when a person answers their questions. :(

I guess there are people, then there are people.


Crystal-jade

[Rawkinlocs]

My question is... where are all the responsible moderators? :confused:
GASP!!! :eek: See, now this is the exact type of thing I'm talking about when I say moderating is one of those things where you can't win for losing. If we say too much to someone or delete/edit stuff, we're taking away someone's freedom of speech or we're censoring people too heavily...don't say anything or do anything about certain posts/threads and we're not doing enough. This is a tough job sometimes, especially when dealing with so many different personalities and so-ooo many people.

Well, I'm sorry but I simply cannot be in all threads at all times. I mean, there are literally hundreds of posts a day. This isn't my day job. We do have lives outside of raw food talk. I homeschool, run an internet business, wife, housekeeper, raw food prep teacher in addition to what I do here on this board.

That is one of the reasons we have those little "Report" buttons in each post so if something crazy is going on that we don't see, it can be reported to us.

Also, again, I see these threads about newbies getting offended, but I don't get too many emails (or PM's when we could get them) from the people being offended about the people doing the offending.

And again, sometimes things are said that one may view as offensive or rude that perhaps, in my eyes or in Alissa's eyes or Sweetgoddess' or Rawpriestess' eyes that isn't offensive or rude.

I'm sorry if I am taking your comment too personally or if I misunderstood what you were saying. I guess this whole discussion has kinda made me a little overly sensitive today. Think I need a break from the board until tomorrow.

[Rawmommie]

ljannise, I've seen lots of people post about ailments that haven't gone away (hopefully YET!) :)

I can tell you that I've been raw for 17 months now and not lost much weight. I have lost the same 10 pounds a few times and gained it back if I started eating too much (yes, raw unfortunately). I try not to talk about it too much b/c I know that I'm an exception to the rule and most people lose. I have to cut my fats down incredibly low and I dislike it b/c my salad's taste bad to me without avo or some flax oil or something! So, WHEN I cut down on the fats, I can lose, but it's not a fun process. My binging has only carried on to raw, I will binge on dates, avocado's, and raw nut butters if I don't watch myself.

BUT, I don't dwell on it. I'm healthy (even at 192 pounds), feel great, and my fibro and Chronic fatigue are gone. My acne is gone too! Raw has been a miracle in my life, but there are things I have had to change in order for it to work for everything. I don't believe that I'm the only person in this situation though.

[Crystl-jade]

Rawkinlocks,

I am totally sorry if you thought I was talking about you. You are the exception. Heck...I don't even know the moderators here.


What I am trying to get across is that there is a problem, not labeling anyone as the culprit.I wasn't even thinking of a person, just a problem.



Crystl-jade

[jenna rose]

It is one reason I haven't been posting lately, but I was never much of a poster. Thanks for bringing this up, Rawmommie.

[Revvell]

Stomps me foot and declares "I am NOT a problem". *runs out laughing*

:D

[Beanie]

BTW, who do we post to if we feel we are being attacked? There has been several times I have had difficulty and stopped posting as a result. Especially with the arguements on what is/is not raw and the fat issue. I think each one of us is different physically, have different sources of knowledge, and different beliefs. Each one of us can handle a certain amount of change too and want support for where we are in our journey. Sometimes I find if you push a person beyond their capabilities, they want to give up. Not everyone is in the same state of mind or ready to make more changes then they are capable of at that period of time.

[rawfigure]

I come this borad because we can discuss RAW and not get into alot of the ethical food posts on other boards. But now I feel like there are some question about RAW that we can and others we cannot ask...my last post which was not in anyway against Raw , actually I am pro Raw just has a QUESTION ...disappeared. That confuses me I thought it was a raw discussion board.

[swiss_miss]

Crystl-jade, is it international hypocrite day? You are actually name calling and being incredibly rude. About being sensitive, you seem to have a major sense of over-sensitivity. What are you getting your knickers in a twist about? Relax, things do NOT have to be so terribly dramatic.

[rawpriestess]

Rawfigure,

I removed your thread, I would be happy to let you know for what purpose this was done, but I am unable to email you because you have not allowed that on this board.

there are no longer PM's so I have no way of talking with you about it.

You may email me if you like at rawpriestess@aol.com

thanks,
Raw Priestess

[rawfigure]

Thanks to rawmommie for being brave enough to say so ;)

I just let things go as this isn't my board and I'm not a moderator.

However, I also don't post a lot about my experiences, discoveries, things that do or do not work for me, or even joyous changes because of the stated reasons and "I'm 100 %" raw...

I am being to think the same....
and "I'm 100%" Raw...


RP I figured that to be the case...I thought I was enable but here it is
twinee1@hotmail.com

Leslie

[SwishTN]

I am sooo glad that you posted this. I was about to post something similar, but I felt I needed to cool off and think through my phrasing first.

My frustration doesn't come from the weight loss threads, or even what is or isn't raw. Sometimes, it's someone piping in on an issue or something that they don't agree with, and then makes snide comments about the person's intellect and what not. And, I don't think it's a tone of voice, or how you come across on the internet. Some statements are flat out rude, no matter how happy and cheery your voice, or how many smiley faces you put after it. In fact, that would just add to the menace factor. Unless of course, it was a joker smile.

My beef is that some people just think they know everything, and that what they "know" won't ever change. And sure, be blunt. I can be extremely blunt, and sometimes am misunderstood. But, is that any reason to blow off someone elses sensitivies, or even worse, just be flat out rude?

I don't think so. If what you say isn't helpful, but you just want the world to know how "smart" and witty you are, maybe it is best left unsaid?

Rawkin,
I don't see where the report button is. Also, I don't want to say something to the moderators about every little post, b/c I think your job is crazy enough as it is. So, if that answers a bit of the question as to why you may not hear from everyone.

AND, I think that our moderators do an amazing job, and are extremely responsible, level headed, and fair in their approach. What they do is NOT an easy task, and I for one stand up and applaud them, and Alissa, for doing all they do, especially given the amount of postings this place gets. Not to mention, their full time lives outside of Rawfoodtalk.com

Okay, that is all for now: )

Lauri

[misslinda]

Boy, and we were talking about organizing a Alissa's Rawbies RAW Convention......BUT........if we can't get along in cyberworld, what makes us think "in person" is going to go right???? :D :p ;)


Path301,,,,,,don't rack your brain yet.


BEFORE we start sending a BILLION emails to Alissa and mods, perhaps if we encouter a poster that offends you directly, let's try and work it out as a RAW team than assume or react or feel repressed........this is what it's all about---isn't it???


LET'S SPROUT TOGETHER IN RAWLAND!!!!! :) ;) :p

[SwishTN]

Boy, and we were talking about organizing a Alissa's Rawbies RAW Convention......BUT........if we can't get along in cyberworld, what makes us think "in person" is going to go right???? :D :p ;)

BEFORE we start sending a BILLION emails to Alissa and mods, perhaps if we encouter a poster that offends you directly, let's try and work it out as a RAW team than assume or react or feel repressed........this is what it's all about---isn't it???


LET'S SPROUT TOGETHER IN RAWLAND!!!!! :) ;) :p
Linda,

Because I don't want to inundate them with tattle tale postings, I just take my toys and go home : )...

It is a little more difficult to deal with "offenders" when there is no way to speak with them privately. I, for one, do not like to air out in front of everyone. I also want to be sure of what I am thinking before running off at the mouth. Just b/c someone is offensive, doesn't mean I want to point it out to everyone. At least, NOT in cyberworld. I would do much better in person. With a look, body language, or even a quiet remark. But, here, you are so dependent on other people's take on what you are really trying to say.

Sigh.... You are always good about bringing things back to the level : )....

I try, but sometimes, I just read others posts, and keep on a truckin : )

[Jamie]

Wow, what a thread!

I actually was away for a few months and came back to notice the same thing! When I first joined last early fall people were sooooooooooooo friendly and just wanted to share info and encourage each other, but now things do seem different. Not that it would keep me away, I still feel so encouraged by this site. But I must admitt that posting does make me a little nervous,, even posting this reply... I don't want to be attacked!!! But then I am very sensative and can really take things to heart.

And moderators ,,,, Your great! I sure wouldn't do this job, so keep up the good work:)

Jamie

[trigirl]

I just joined this website and it's great to here you really enjoyitI can't wait to feel the live food effects with myself and look foward to it daily. I've been doing this for 16 days now and I really don't feel hungry! It's nice not to think of food as a vice. Have a great week and I'll chat with you later.
Shawna

[misslinda]

LOL.......SwishTN My BAD! I forgot PM is gone! :p

Mods and Alissa, can't we just have a new smiley with the "birdie???" sorry, just messin with ya'll


:D

[SwishTN]

LOL.......SwishTN My BAD! I forgot PM is gone! :p

Mods and Alissa, can't we just have a new smiley with the "birdie???" sorry, just messin with ya'll


:D
Oh, no, I think that the PM is alive and well. I just think it now means Pre-Menstral, and isn't limited to the female species : )

Yeah, I like the tweet tweet idea ; ) :D

But, seriously. I would welcome anyone's ideas on how to "politely" say, ya know, I think you're sure being a real.... whatever your favorite thing is...
withOUT it turning into a mud slinging, name calling, knife throwing fit :eek:

Perhaps now that it has been brought to the forefront, some people will rethink their method of approach? I believe that is Rawmommie's intention, but, I could be wrong.

Night, All!

And, hugs to ALL of our moderators. May they truly receive all that they have sown into this board 100 fold in goodness

Blessings!

Lauri

[Rawmommie]

Yep, that was the intent. I honestly believe that some people don't even know they are doing it, I thought bringing it up would bring some awareness. :)

[Denise Nicole]

PM is gone??? I totally missed this, why would it be gone?

[Crystl-jade]

Because people were using (abusing) it for other then PM's. :)


Crystl-jade

[Shivananda]

And again, sometimes things are said that one may view as offensive or rude that perhaps, in my eyes or in Alissa's eyes or Sweetgoddess' or Rawpriestess' eyes that isn't offensive or rude. Cherie, I think the job that you and Carmel and RP and Alissa do here is awesome, and I appreciate that it is mostly an invisible and thankless one at best. Having sat in the same seat myself many times, as far back as pre-internet days when I sys-opped various dial-in cyber discussion boards, I know what a balancing act it can be at times, juggling opposing principles of freedom of speech against decency and respect.

But I would respectfully point out to the four of you who run this show that a fairly substantial number of men on this particular board have, at various times and on various threads, expressed the exact same sentiment which I've expressed previously... and which apparently lead to the deletion of a previous post or three of mine... that as a man I feel less than welcome here because of my gender.

I'm a newbie here, and that has gotten me a certain heap of scorn from a handfull of others with rigid perspectives and judgmental dispositions.

And I'm also clearly an otherbie here... espousing other views than those held by many others here ... and that has heaped a different kind of scorn on my head, from those with inflexible viewpoints.

But I'm also a m***, and owning that particular biological lottery ticket has drawn me a kind of scorn here I haven't experienced anywhere else in the world in a decade or more, and I'm completely blown away by it. No kidding.

In 20 minutes I'll bet I could find 40 posts here patently insulting to my gender, and I am not easily offended. Yet each time I've brought up the subject of this particular bias on the board I've been waved off, felt marginalized, and been ignored in my complaints. Yet I'll bet if I inserted a raciial epithet into those same conversations in place of the gender specific comments I find sprinkled everywhere, at least half the board would immediately be outraged.

OK, OK, OK, so y'all don't see it, none of you, though the board runs 10:1 women to men participants, and is even more dramatically tilted in postings.

But in another's eyes, it's really quite a clear picture. And it makes me sad. I believe women and men should dance together in celebration and joy, not inhabit armed camps in opposition to each other.

[rawpriestess]

If any of you sees a post that is causing you to choose to feel uncomfortable or insulted, please report it, you can either email me directly at rawpriestess@aol.com, or you can click on the little red triangle to the right of the post, and give the specific reason for the report, and it will go to all mods and Alissa,

Since, the mods have no specific schedual and we are only on as mods when we log onto this forum, (meaning we don't have any special way of being informed about anything other than you reporting it to us)
there really isn't much we can do other than read as much as we can.

But even as mods, we are here to help, and ask questions, and to learn, and grow just as you all are.

We are volunteers and do this because we love Alissa and what she stands for, and her teachings.

So, please help us to make this board the very best it can be, by letting us know if you or anyone of you ever feels upset or picked on by a post.

We will take a look at it, and act accordingly.

Yes, everyone has freedom of speach this is true.

But please note, this board is owned by Alissa, she pays for it, and she has asked us to moderate it for her.

We make hundreds of decisions each day on what is freedom of speach and simply a difference of opinion, and what is rude and cruel behavior.

Sometimes, it may seem rude to you, but not me. sometimes, I may think it cruel, but someone else thinks it's funny.

So. we can only go by what you tell us about how you feel.

I totally agree with the man bashing, it does go on, and there are times that I have deleted posts because of it, but I'm not everywhere all the time, so I need some help finding these little goblins to help release them to whence they came.

I look at it the same way that Shivananda does, if it was racial or religious, then it would not be tollerated.

Also, please note that this board is here to promote the Raw Vegan lifestyle as it is outlined in Alissa's book. Any discussion of cooked foods, or raw dairy or animal products is fine, just not on this board.

[livingatthetop]

I have to say that in real life just like the web people get used to all the people on this board and they get so fimilar. We start to speak to each other as friends would.
We say stuff like girl I know you aint doing that
Or how can you think that?
lol

I have to admit that I am guilty of being a little hot headed about a subject but it wasn't personal it was just a sensitive subject for me.

I just think that we myself included should have a lot of graditude!

The more we are thankful and greatful for such a great place with wonderful level headed people the better.

I am 24 and I had an awaking. All of us have the same needs we are all the same we just have different covers . I have always been known to be stuborn and outspoken! my mom is worse so I know exactly were I get it fromlol however I love people and I have really good intentions.however If Isay girlllllllll you look crazy I really mean I love you and I don't want other people to judge you and say you look crazy.

However I have gotten offended when someone told me the same thing lol
we all wouldnt be here or even comment if they didn't care
I am the first one that has to remember that and maybe that is what everyone needs to remember

We all want the samething
I am only 24 years old and I maynot know how to come across as elegant as lets say rawkinlocks but I can say that we all can just take a hint and look at the posts that really make an impact and help others on their raw journey
How do those people speak? What response do they get?

I know htat from my mistake with Rawtruth I have learned that adding a positive different statement to a post instead of debating is the way to go!

any hew moving raw along lol

[Crystl-jade]

I think I see what's wrong here. At the very least, partially.

Without hearing peoples' voices, it's hard to tell exactly where they are coming from.

Some people are way way WAY more sensitive then others (like me) so they will naturally feel easily hurt or insulted, ect. by a post that perhaps challenges them. Others that aren't so sensitive can easily let comments roll off their back like water off a duck's back and go on and not be offended. We are all such different creatures. let's all try to remember that we all have feelings. If I have ever said anything to anyone to make them feel hurt in anyway, I am sorry.(moderators? :))

It's O.K. to be who you are, just please try to be the best YOU you can be when relating to others.

Some people come here already with a chip on their shoulder and there is nothing that can be done. I do agree that the moderators are doing a great job, it's just that their aren't enough of them, maybe???

Most people are good. I hope we will all try our best to relate to others the way we would want to be related to in return.


Crystl-jade

[Rawkinlocs]

Hi everyone,

I think I've had enough time to simmer down from the intense energy in this thread LOL!

I'd like to first say to Crystl-Jade that I appreciate you and your comments and again, I was a little on the sensitive side.

I think this thread has been an eye-opener for ALL of us and I'm hoping that from it, we can all learn and grow and move on.

I appreciate all the support and kind words also.

There is so much that has been said here since my last post...my head will spin if I try to address all of it right here and now...but I just want you all to know that I hear you...I had seen threads with women talking about men...I'm sorry that I was never sensitive enough to the fact that it was offensive to our male members here.

We will try to do our best to keep this board the fun, loving place it has always been known for. I mean, there will be issues and disagreements but even with the things expressed in this thread I STILL think we have one of the most tame and calmer raw food boards out there!

I mean, if some of you think some of what you see here is rude or judgemental or offensive...I can point you to some forums (raw-based and otherwise) that you'd more than likely be eaten alive in! I mean forums where you will get chewed up, swallowed, regurgitated back up, chewed some more and then spit out!! Just downright ugly. I don't see that here. I see things, but I don't see that sort of stuff.

But I would like to see ALL of us be a little more sensitive to others and to the fact that, no, not everyone can let it roll off like water off a duck's back. I am admittingly sensitive which is why I don't visit other boards outside of this one. I get my feelings hurt very easily and I avoid confrontation like the plague.

Recent events aren't the first time someone has felt offended and trust me, it won't be the last time either...but we can work through it and again, if you feel someone is deliberately attacking you or flaming you, let us know! Not all responses are meant to be an attack or a flame but may just be short in tone. So we will investigate the matter and if need be, even find out the person's actual intent and we'll work through it.

[DrPr]

Thanks for the comment, rawmommie. I have been the recipient of some of those harsh-sounding replies and have cut down my questions quite a bit because of it. I don't think people are mean on purpose; they just forget that they were once newbies too and probably asked the same questions way back when. I try not to respond in kind since that only aggravates matters. I think most of the people on the board are patient and careful about how they come across. Sometiimes people just "slip up", or just don't realize the effect their words might have. :o

[yumyum]

I hope Rawkinlocs will remember, that there was only one person that wondered why the mods didn't do anything. I think the general consensus is, that we like our moderators. I don't know tglasco who moderates the fitness area, but he seems really nice too. As the mods were saying, we have to complain to them before they want to take bigger steps, like talking to people privately. So maybe we aren't doing that?

Maybe people are like me? They get annoyed sometimes, but don't want to complain, or get involved and maybe burnt, by telling the moderators? There are a couple of people here, that can rub me the wrong way, but I've learned to skim their posts or try not to read them, and just move on.

The question is, I think, where we expect the line to be drawn? People have been talking about what upsets them. This has been brought up before. If Alissa and the moderators agree with the majority of the people posting here, then the answer might be, to go into discussions, where people post things like:
Peeve : If you are sick, you just have to eat all raw long enough, and you will get healthy. Don't worry about what it is, as long as it's raw. (I know that this is one of the peeves listed above, and personally I think it's an absurd statement, that doesn't acknowledge that other people are intelligent people and have valid problems that can't be solved that simply. Even Alissa doesn't say that, as I read her book anyway.)
Peeve : If you are fat, you shouldn't worry about it. Just eat loads of fat and nuts and lots of food and be happy. (For people who want to loose weight, this is hurtful. As I see it, raw food is a lot like cooked food. We still need to eat most of the boring stuff like greens/vegetables, and we still need to eat less desserts, and we still have to watch those sweet snacks so we don't get a sugar overload. But I admit, that this is just my opinion. The thing is, that people are different. Even Alissa mentions in her book, that people with different goals, would do well to eat differently. And that's common sense to me too.)
Peeve : If you haven't got several years of experience of being 100% then you shouldn't make comments. (I have to disagree with that. All people here have experiences that are valuable. Why are they valuable? Because there will be people just like them out there, who will go through the same thing and need someone to help them. We don't just need help being 100% raw, we need help from people going through the transition. People who are beginners, struggling, people who've been trying for ages and are still struggling. Everyone's opinion is very valuable here. One person on 100% who's been doing that for years and has always been a slim and positive person, may be totally different from me as a person, and have experiences totally different from mine, in letting go of depression, weight loss etc. We need everyone, and we need positivity. To exclude people based on experience, is to discriminate and I admit, that this rubs me the wrong way. I don't care if a person is 100% if they can't be nice. That's the bottom line for me.)

Anyway. A few Peeves to a possible peeve list, in case that might help the moderators or Alissa, to see what the exact problem seems to be. At least from where I'm standing.

I still think this is a great board and just the fact that it is possible to talk about this in a calm manner, says oodles about how great this board is. :)

[yumyum]

But I would respectfully point out to the four of you who run this show that a fairly substantial number of men on this particular board have, at various times and on various threads, expressed the exact same sentiment which I've expressed previously... and which apparently lead to the deletion of a previous post or three of mine... that as a man I feel less than welcome here because of my gender.
I don't read everything here, but I haven't noticed that men are belittled here. Maybe it's true, but I haven't noticed it.

Sometimes it's not WHAT people say, but HOW they say it.

It is very possible, that this board functions on female communication principles and not male communication principles. Many men, perhaps more so in the US, (that is my experience,) tend to be very "this is what I say, and it is final". Instead of the alternative approach, that is "this is what I say, and I'm not sure I'm right, and it's definately not final"... which, let's face it, tends to be the insecure woman approach. Some have learned the art of the bending grass, which is an artform for women and for men who are good at charming women (i.e. talking sweettalk to them).

The art of the bending grass, is to say "I think this, but I respect you think differently and I want to hear all about it, and then I will consider that what you say may be true, and keep on keeping on"... sort of. I'm sure you all know the story of the grass that bent in the wind, instead of being stiff and being broken by the wind.

[sweetgoddess]

If you think to any workplace, school, family reunion, any large gathering of people-- this is how it is. You get sensitive people and not sensitive people, feeling people and scientific people, tactful people and not tactful people. It is human nature. I don't think it is possible to keep the board all one type of personality.

In all honesty, it comes down to this. Yes, it sucks when people are rude or opinionated. I really wish tact was a gift we were all graced with.
But we have no control over other people. No control. We only have control over ourselves and our own perspectives. Thats it.

It seems strange to me that people are not posting because they experienced a rude response. Those personalities are the minority on this board, as witnessed by this thread. So if the majority who value kindness stop posting because the minority don't value kindness, what will we have? Ugh.

The easiest solution, if you are willing to accept it, is to just ensure our own personal posts reflect what we value and dont respond to or give power to posts that are rude or judgemental. As soon as we respond to that we feed and acknowledge it.

Why should the pleasant people stop posting because of the unpleasant??
That is backwards!!
So lets turn this back into a place of fun and support. (mb, where ya at??)
It was never meant to be a debate board.

What say you? Are you in??

[Shivananda]

It is very possible, that this board functions on female communication principles and not male communication principles. Many men, perhaps more so in the US, (that is my experience,) tend to be very "this is what I say, and it is final". Instead of the alternative approach, that is "this is what I say, and I'm not sure I'm right, and it's definately not final"... which, let's face it, tends to be the insecure woman approach. Some have learned the art of the bending grass, which is an artform for women and for men who are good at charming women (i.e. talking sweettalk to them). Interesting that you make this particular point about differences in communication styles as a gender reference (I'm a big fan of Deborah Tannen BTW) , when some of the posts and posters most annoying to me here turn that particular model inside out. Many more women than men have posted dogmatic, "look, this is how it is, and there's nothing more to say" replies to things I've said or others have said here. And while I am obviously passionate about my beliefs, and know I can be very challenging to debate with, I frequently state that "your experience may be different than mine," and "your mileage may vary," and "everybody is different," and "no single answer works for everyone." I even wrote a post once suggesting that everything written related to health and nutrition should probably carry the warning notice - "CAUTION: THIS MAY NOT WORK FOR YOU." :)

And yet it is that very point which others, primarily women, have often tried to stomp out whenever I or others post it. They want THEIR answer to be THE ONE TRUE ANSWER.

But I don't think it is a gender difference being expressed. I just think it is a difference between being flexible and being rigid, and there are obviously a few very dogmatic and inflexible folks posting here.

Another obvious style difference is humor vs no humor, and again, I do not see that splitting on gender lines either. I just see that some individuals take themselves and what they say and what others say much more seriously than others do. And a few just seem hardened and humorless, while others are much more light hearted. Me, although I can be self-important and stuffy at times myself, I do try to remember and to remind others about the cosmic joke in all of this, and to keep some smiles on people's faces.

And that isn't because I'm a man, it's because I've died, and been to the other side and come back, so I know for sure what a game this all is. And the point of the game isn't to win, that's just the illusion, it's to create love. And to make it a game, we all have a certain amount of constantly regenerating amnesia about that last point. Even me.

[Rawmommie]

What say you?!? What SAAAAAAAY you? hee. Reminds me of LOTR. ;)

I say you make perfect sense Carmel! :)

[sweetgoddess]

We can go back and forth all day, debating, venting, pointing fingers and so on.
It is solutionless.

The original poster made a point. How many of us have stopped and reflected....."is this true of me?"
Lets stop reflecting on what other people are doing and reflect on what we personally are doing and contributing.

That is where the solution lies.

( lol LOTR is my favorite and its where I got that RM :) )

[fiddler]

We can go back and forth all day, debating, venting, pointing fingers and so on.
It is solutionless.

The original poster made a point. How many of us have stopped and reflected....."is this true of me?"
Lets stop reflecting on what other people are doing and reflect on what we personally are doing and contributing.

That is where the solution lies.

( lol LOTR is my favorite and its where I got that RM :) )

Sweetgoddess, you are an angel... I love your kindness and hope others can learn from your sweet disposition -- including myself.

[yumyum]

I see Shivananda's point, and agree about the unbending. I also see Sweetgodess' point. I do think, that this problem will keep coming up, if we just leave it be. I still feel new here, and I'm just going to go back to what I used to do. I don't want any more debate. I'm just sorry this won't go away.

[raeannasun]

I've followed this thread the past couple days and just want to say that I have never found this board to be any different then when I signed on a year ago!
I just want to send a WHOLE LOTTA LOVE to everyone on this board! I think this time of year is usually the most stressful on a lot of people (teachers, students, ?) and maybe that is reflecting on how others post and recieve comments.

Anyway, consider my post to be a HUGE cyber-hug for everyone reading it. It's Wednesday, the week is almost half over and I know I could use a hug this morning. I'm sure you can too!!!!

(((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))

Love,
RaeAnna

[Alissa]

Alrighty…
Swiss miss – Your post are always welcome ;)
Miss Linda – all I can say is HAHAHAHAHAH - every time I read your post . You crack me up.
Ok, are we done? Can we move on to what the board is for?
Little too much energy used for this thread in my opinion. I know some people could go on and on about this but I think the points been made.

Rawmommie – Im glad you brought this to light and I appreciate you starting this thread so that people can see that we (myself and the moderators) are hear to help and open to feedback but like you stated in your second post:

“I don't want this to become a *bash the board* thread. My main intention was to point out that there is a way that Alissa approaches raw that is very gentle and supportive and I think since this is her site, we should all do our part to continue that.”

I think it’s beginning to turn into a board bashing so can we please move on…

Hey!!!!
How is raw making you feel today?
What is your goal for today?
What is your goal for the week?
What changes have you seen lately by being raw?
What tips and tricks are you picking up along the way that are making it easier to stay raw?
What are you grateful for today?
What challenges are you dealing with that you think others might be able to help you with here on the board?
Any great food made lately?
How far have you come?
Share your success!


Ahhhhhhhhhhh……remember, what you focus on you create…lets turn our attention to what IS working and it will expand. And … if we something is not working, what CAN we do to make it work for us.

We get whats wrong with the board…rude people. I don’t think its ever going to be free of that. Please just report your person or post to us and move on to the more positive aspects of this site.

Thank you all for your insights and suggestions and comments on how to make this a more wonderful place for all of us. Again, please keep us posted on what you all need and thanks again rawmommie for bringing this to light.
Best,
Alissa

[Sillybloss]

Because I don't want to inundate them with tattle tale postings, I just take my toys and go home : )...




This really made me laugh! Can't we all relate to our childhood when a friend hurt our feelings and we just pick up and go home! Sometimes this might be the best short-term solution.

Thanks, Alissa, for the great summary. I'll leave it at that - enough said!

[cdepalmer]

Rawmommie,
I am new to the board and you post was great. I am here for support like everyone else. I was raw for 14 days and gave in to my craving of Mexican and now I am having problems getting back raw. I want to make a 30 day challenge for myself. I do want to lose weight who doesn't . I want to feel better also. Whatever our reason is for raw we shouldn't be criticized. Our reason for raw may start out for one reason and may end up at something else. I personally don't think there is anything wrong if you want to lose weight because this will make you feel better. We shouldn't be afraid to ask. I am hear for support.
Cindy