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[Goddess_girl]

I know this is a odd thing to ask; but can some of you fine people give me some feed back and opinions on my journal. I am at SUCH a struggling point I am not sure how to handel or what to do..

[shakti17]

Dear Goddess Girl,
I just read your journal, and I relate so much to everything you said. I have never struggled with weight, except in the opposite way - i have trouble gaining weight and at times am too skinny - but I am such a binge eater too.

Guess what? When you stay on 100% raw diet, no more binges. I still see-saw back and forth, and i notice that on cooked, it always leads to a binge and feeling bad.

Do you have Alyssa's book? Definately buy it, if not. It is so worth every penny. When I have a few weeks on raw, i just realized, I read her book every single night for inspiration - that helps. If you have a smaller raw book too that you can carry with you, or print some inspiring posts from this sight, keep them in your purse and read when you need inspiration.

Raw is not drastic, hysterectomy's are drastic! That bleeding you described is drastic! you are a goddess, girl, and so worth it!

That would be great if your husband can do his own shopping. Avoid triggers. (you know what they are)

Also, anything you like in cooked can be made in raw version. Have fun with it!

I totally feel for you! It has been hard for me too.

Lots of Love,

Shakti

[Alithia]

Might as well be my journal ... So here's my nutshell.

I spent all of 2005 until October bingeing, daily, multiple times daily. I quit school, quit my job and would go from grocery store to grocery store buying packages of cookies, croissants, muffins and bulk items, loaves of white bread and frozen french fries (which I would eat frozen covered in salt) --- stocked up for the day I'd hide in my room or sit at the computer and just eat. Eat. Eat.

Then I'd go back to a different store or stand at the fridge or cupboard. And eat. Anything really, because when I wasn't eating I was anxious.

I felt out of control, totally hopeless, totally guilty and humiliated and embarrassed. I gained about 50 lbs in about 2 months, and became a puffy, greasy, smelly version of my former self.

Since October I have been increasing the amount of raw foods I eat, and now I eat about 80% or more raw every day. I could not make jumping in 100% right away work, I kept trying and kept failing.

Because as soon as I had something cooked I thought, **** this is too hard, this is too extreme, I'm just going to eat all my cravings for a day or two and then try again. The bingeing cycle was like the sun, rising and setting, inevitable and impossible to change. OR so I felt, so I thought.

For me the thing was reading Eckhart Tolle... I began thinking about everything differently. That is where it began for me. My thoughts.

Before I have to start a new chapter of this novel, I'll just add a few more things :) ... things that I found helpful when I was first pushing out of the intense bingeing ... maybe something will resonate for you, or not.... anyhow, this is kinda therapeutic for me just to write all this out about myself ;)

- making myself sit down at the table to eat:
I still ate whatever and however much, but I made myself sit down with that 12 pack of cookies and those 4 jumbo muffins, and I ate at the table. Of course I didn't do this regularly or religiously, just if I thought of it.

- writing a list before I started eating:
Something which really helped with my underlying feelings of anxiety and feeling out of control/overwhelmed, was sitting down, with my huge bowl of honey nut cheerios or whatever right beside me, and writing a list of what was worrying me right then. Everything and anything. Just writing it down. Some days I couldn't even think of anything, other days there were 30 things.

- eating an apple or a grapefruit (with sugar of course!) first, then eating whatever I wanted

These are just a couple things, I don't know if it is helpful or not, but thinking back 6 months I can hardly believe the progress I've made. Just 6 months ago I was eating a 40 pk of Timbits and a box of sugary cereal and then a can of frozen orange juice concentrate and then a package of pasta cooked up with butter and salt and then.......... you get the picture. And today, just 6 months later, I feel pretty darn good. I've lost about 25 lbs, I walk for close to 2 hours a day, I ate nearly all raw today, and yesterday, I don't think about or worry about or stress about food AT ALL now. 6 months. Too me this is incredible, considering my history with food and eating disorders.

You are SO not alone in what you are going through. Take care.

Sorry for the length...

[Lucinda]

^^ WOw, I thought I was the only one who had binges like that... I can really relate to your post. :o

It's funny, I found a lot of comfort through Echkart Tolle as well! His books are like Gold to me. If you haven't already, you should read his new book "A New Earth".

Thanks for sharing. :)

[Fragola]

I have read the book "Willpower" by Gillian Riley and it is great and helpful book to improve willpower and gain more self esteem!
It can help with the raw lifestyle and many other aspect of life.
I keep reading t when I am dealing with cravings and I feel like bingeing on cooked food.

[purtyflowrr]

wow! this is such a powerful thread. i think a lot of times, people are afraid to talk about eating patterns such as the ones addressed here. it is such a reality. i have struggled with binging, not quite that extreme, but i can totally relate to the feelings. raw has really helped with it. i no longer want to cram my mouth with food all day long. it's the most freeing feeling in the world. i have been one week 100% raw, and don't see any reason that i will stop. i love it. i have been through a lot of depression about gaining weight and that fueled the binging even more. once i finally just snapped and decided to take control of myself, it ended. just like that. i can't even explain it. it's like i got so sick of living under the power of food and binging. it was ruining my life. i had no drive to do anything. wanted to just stay inside all day. it's a horrible thing.

i think journaling is a great tool to use and try to sort out your emotions. i know it has helped me.

we are here for you. try not to feel discouraged. i know it is hard, mentally. but you have support here.

[Goddess_girl]

Update: Raw is just to hard for me right now. I am tired of being in this cycle, SO I am going to cancel my membership to my obsession sites. (food sites) and put my attention on something else.

[Goddess_girl]

After a long tearful conversation with DH I am back.
He convinced me not to give up. I have really felt at whits end the past few days. Thanks for the lovely e-mails of concern.