View Full Version : A little dilemma..
02-28-2006, 07:57 AM
My Dh and I have just started on raw, going well and all happy with it.. Problem is that we are soon to visit my grandparents with my parents. This only happens once every six months or so that I see them, if it is even that often. Further more, my grandfather is really old fashioned, a good hearty meal with no salad. I remember the stories about when my dad was young and became a vegetarian hippie and did basically everything wrong, he was not popular with his father then! So basically, step out of line and be lectured, critizied and frowned upon for ages. Needless to say that I am very tempted to just eat whatever is served, I fear for my system though after some weeks on 95% raw. Has anyone had similar situations?
02-28-2006, 09:04 AM
When you believe in what you stand for others will respect your wishes. Be strong and respect their way of eating but don't take down from your beliefs.
How you draw people is to believe in yourself and when you do they will respect you and your decisions.
It can be hard to go against tradition but for your health and happiness do whatever it takes to live a healthy and happy life. Remember you body and feed it well and it will nourish you and be around for a long time.
my dh's g-ma is the same way. we are going there for Easter dinner. we are going to sit her down and tell her that for medical reasons this is the way we must eat and leave it at that. she will have hurt feelings-she is one of those people that actually is CRUSHED or ANGRY if you do ANYTHING other than what she thinks you should. She will not understand-and I don't care. I'm not going to feed my dc things that will make them sick and have meltdowns for a week, just to make her happy and to "not rock the boat". I don't care of she goes and tells everyone she knows that I'm an idiot. I really don't care. Why should I sacrifice our health, happiness, and new found peace just to keep her from having to try to understand something new?
Figure out what you want to say and recite it in front of a mirror or your dh. Find a kind, compassionate, sucinct way to say it. You don't owe an explaination and you don't have to convert him/them or even make them understand. If he gets upset that is because of his own insecurities, stubborness, or pride. Also-bring your own food. That's what I am going to do for Easter. Good Luck. :cool:
02-28-2006, 11:01 AM
Thanks Blessed and Purl!
The more I think about it, the more I realize that it is excactly what I must do.. I can imagine my reactions to the cooked foods already.. Maybe I should call in advance instead and kindly explain it to them and give them a chance to either tell us to bring our own or prepare something for us..
Also, mu Dh is having troubles getting enough food while at work. He do not have time to eat small meals in between and so he has to rely just on the ½ hour lunch break. Is there something particulary filling, easy to handle and fairly cheap? He eats a lot of nuts at the moment because he can have it in his pocket and eat a little when he wants but it is not enough and ofcourse too many nuts are not good.. Advocado is not really an option as he does not like it very much..
Thanks a lot for all you help!
My dh likes the almost tuna wrapped in lettuce leaves-he eats 3 or 4 and we both found the collard wraps very filling. I can eat one and he can eat only 2. In addition to that your dh could brink a smoothie in a thermos to drink along side his lunch. He would surely be full after that! ;)
02-28-2006, 12:25 PM
With regard to eating "your" food at dinner ... I agree. Stand true to what you feel is right for YOU. Bring a dish or two or several that you can share and that the others might like (perhaps a corn salad, a waldorf supreme, pate stuffed peppers, datenut torte for dessert for example) ... but stick to your guns. Be nice but firm.
Besides, getting together with these folks really isn't about the food, is it? Unfortunately, it tends to become so. Instead, Focus on the social part, catching up with each other's lives and let the food be secondary.
02-28-2006, 12:38 PM
The recipes are from Alissa's cook book right? I guess I ought to try and find the money to buy it.. And the smoothie, I think I read somewhere that wheatgrass is really filling, but what do you sprout it from?
And Levamssg, it sounds like a pretty good idea that, bringing some dishes.. And no, it is not really about the food, just traditions lol.. I guess traditions is one of the hardest things to overcome when it comes to going raw..
02-28-2006, 12:39 PM
A filling lunch idea .... Cut one (or two) large red (or yellow or orange) pepper(s) in half and fill with your favorite pate. (I love Sunny Pate from Victoria Boutenko's "12 steps" book).
I put these in a shallow plastic container with a piece of saranwrap over top of them, and snap on the lid. You pick them up whole to eat them ... and they are Very filling. I like collard wraps too, but the filled pepper-halves are easier to handle. (you can fill them with pretty much anything)
Combine a container of these with some fruit - and it makes a great lunch!
02-28-2006, 01:17 PM
Thanks again! I am looking for recieps for pates right now ;)
02-28-2006, 02:42 PM
If he can only eat during his lunch break, what about drinking smoothies at this desk during other periods? People drink coffee all the time!
02-28-2006, 02:52 PM
Has anyone had similar situations?
Yes, I have. I visit my parents twice a year and usually stay for about two weeks or so. The first time I went as a raw person I did great, ate only raw and just basically sat them down and explained to them how eating this way had helped clear up so many health problems. My dad poked fun at some of my food but he had to admit that I seemed and looked very healthy.
The most recent time I went, last summer, I started backsliding (my dad's barbecue is to die for), just a little bit at first -- one cooked thing every couple of days -- and that spiraled into several weeks of backsliding which led to some very poor health. So in my opinion, it's not worth it. I would just find a way to stay raw and enjoy your parents company.
02-28-2006, 02:55 PM
I think everyone had great suggestions, especially taking some tasty dishes to share. Or maybe even offer to make a gourmet dinner one night for the whole family?
The one thing I would add is that to be courteous, you need to give grandma a call at least a few days BEFORE you arrive so that she doesn't feel like she has nothing in the house to serve you. If I were you, I would also take a big bag of fresh fruits and veggies to share so it doesn't seem like you are imposing on them.
02-28-2006, 02:59 PM
Tell them them it is "Doctor's orders!" usually people respect doctors and medical reasons.
just a little tip-my dh HATES peppers so you can also stuff cukes and/or tomatoes.
03-01-2006, 01:14 AM
My birthday is comming up in this month too.. I guess it is a nice oportunity to show the family what we are up to.. Thanks a lot everyone! This forum is worth gold for a newbie like me!
As for the smoothies, it is an acitve work he has, not office work. They are driving around a lot and deliver office supplies and put it up. Some days I guess, he has plenty time to eat in the car, others, he runs around the whole day with no break.. I'll try the smoothies and filled peppers though! ;)
03-01-2006, 09:00 AM
How about granola or trailmixes for your husband? Can he keep a bag of crackers and cookies with him to munch all day? I think they would keep fine out of refrigeration.
You could also make the smoothies the night before and freeze them. They should defrost all morning and still be cold by the time he eats them later in the day.
Good luck with your family :)
03-01-2006, 11:46 PM
I like the idea with freezing the smoothies, that way I can make them in advance and they will be nice when he eats them.. The granola and trail mix, what is it? I do not have dehydrater.. But thanks a lot!
03-01-2006, 11:50 PM
He can keep a little bag of something yes, right now it is nuts..
03-02-2006, 03:06 AM
a perfect time for a fast, makes it so easy and so simple, no explanations about the raw food lifestlye, just do a 2 or 3 or even 1 day fast, how ever long you will be there.
03-02-2006, 03:44 AM
Believe me Raw Priestess, that would be even weirder than haven gone raw! Nay, I think the best still is to call in advance to warn them and then bring something along.. Perhaps with others, it would be a really good idea, just not with my grandfather lol.. Luckily we are not staying for long, it is a one day visit... But thanks for your advice!
Fly forever free,
03-02-2006, 04:41 AM
This reminds me of the elderly aunt and uncle of my mom's who came to visit. My mom was cooking dinner and she immediately launched into, "Fred doesn't like this! Fred doesn't like that! Fred only likes his..." And she pretty much re-did the dinner my mom was fixing. After that we went out to eat so someone else could make Fred's food the way he wanted.
Then some years later we stayed at their house. Each morning, she (the aunt) made plain cream of wheat cereal, served lukewarm and topped with skim milk, accompanied by a poached egg. There was no way I could bring myself to eat this stuff. I don't remember what was served for lunch and dinner, but it was equally bland and tasteless and nothing I could bring myself to eat. And neither could my brother. Both of us sat there politely, pushing our food around on our plates and saying that we weren't hungry. She never seemed to notice that we didn't eat a bite. My brother fared a bit better than I did for the first two days because they had a plum tree by the back door and he loved plums. She said we could help ourselves. No other snacks were ever offered. But then he OD'd plums and you can imagine what happened.
By the third day I was totally starving and our parents took pity on us. I think they acutally managed to eat some of the food that was served, but they weren't liking it either. They made some excuse about seeing some other relative on the other side of the family (I don't even think there was one) and we took off for most of the day. Had a meal out and then stopped at the store to stock up on things we could stash in our suitcases. I was in high school then and in those days my main source of food on run was trail mix. I'd usually concoct my own of nuts, seeds and dried fruit. I'm kind of picky as to what I like in there. I bought enough stuff to see me through for the remaining days there. I'd sit politely through the meal, cutting up my food, pushing it around on my plate and then dashing to the bedroom afterwards for a handful of trail mix. I did get really sick of eating the same thing day after day, but at least that was better than starving.
I find most people don't seem to pay much attention to what you are or are not eating. And if you just sit there and take a bit of everthing onto your plate then toy with it, that usually gets you through. Of course there are some things that I would not be able to do this with. I find things like rock cornish game hens or lobsters in front of me to be very much offputting.
My husband once wanted to go to one of those silly dinner shows where they do jousting and serve supposedly old fashioned foods. I had no idea what dinner was going to be except that my mom had been to the show previously and warned me that I wasn't going to like it. They offered no choice whatever except for the drink.
I don't remember what all was served at the meal except for a rock cornish game hen (to be eaten with the hands), some sort of hard, whole grain looking roll and some sort of dessert. They tried to set the bird in front of me, but I closed my eyes and immediately told them to take it away. I was a vegetarian and I didn't want it.
They didn't seem to know what to do and I think they may have brought me a plain baked potato or something but there was no way I could eat a thing with people ripping into birds all around me. I remember shutting my eyes tightly and hoping it would all go away soon. We were not seated at tables, but rather stadium type seating on three sides with some sort of big plank in front of us to hold the food. I do remember smashing that roll to bits in my fist. I was so upset and stressed out by the whole thing, I must have squeezed it really hard.
So if I were to encounter some sort of food like that, I'd just quickly flee the table and claim to have some sort of horrific illness or something. Go fling myself down on the couch or in my bed and say that I had a pounding headache or something. Alas, I couldn't do that during the show because they had closed the doors and weren't letting anyone out. But I sure was tempted!
At any rate, If I were you, I'd pack some sort of non-perishable food that would be enough to carry you through until you left and then just pretend to eat. I should hope they'd at least have some apples or bananas or something in the house. Usually people who don't like raw veggies at least have some of those.
03-03-2006, 09:59 AM
Sounds like a horrific visit! When I was smaller, I had it the same way with my grandparents, we always stayed there for a whole weekend and I just never liked the food.. I was pretty much trying to stock up with food too, just something! And I were always starved when we left.. Fortunally, they live closer now so we only come for a day to visit.. I thought about bringing a bit of raisins and fruits and whatever.. Then eat as little as possible.. My father has been a vegetarian but he always ate "normally" at home when he came for visit..
Fly forever free,
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